The Mad-ness of Partners

I’ve been thinking a lot about the anger of partners.
I wonder sometimes about the correlation between anger & empowerment.
I’ve never been a plate-breaking type; I’ve never thrown someone’s stuff out a window. And I wonder, when I see the kind of rage that partners can kick up, what it is in their brains that allows them to go so out of control. I have a lot of anger; Betty sometimes says I’m one of the angriest people she’s ever met. But at some point in time, I found yelling and screaming at the injustice of it all was perfectly futile, so I (mostly) stopped doing it. That’s not to say I don’t rant – I’m a professional ranter, actually – but I stopped thinking that my ranting was going to change anything.
My mother always tells me that I spent more of my time convincing her of why I shouldn’t have to do more chores than it would have taken me to do them, and it strikes me that misplaced anger is a similar waste of time. If being angry or sad or screaming is not going to change the situation, then why keep doing those things?
But what I’ve noticed is the anger and sadness don’t satisfy people either. They stop being angry just at the thing that made them angry, and start spreading it around. In our case, we had to deal with an ex of Betty’s who not only targeted Betty, but me, and a friend of ours who introduced us, Betty’s parents, etc.
I’ve heard recently that one of the reasons therapists used to recommend divorce if one partner was transitioning is for fear the therapist, or doctor, might be sued by the angry partner. And while I can understand the urge of a partner who wants to sue a therapist for being “encouraging,” I don’t really understand the misplaced anger: the therapist didn’t cause the transsexualism.
A couple of weeks back I put up a post about having to decide what to do when you’re done crying, and sometimes I wonder if the crying and anger doesn’t continue for some people because they simply can’t face doing something, either because they don’t feel that they can do anything, or have generally felt unable to exert real power over their lives, or that they don’t feel up to following through on whatever decision they might make. That is, I wonder if they keep being angry and sad because the other emotion they’ll have to confront is outright fear.

Not Narnia

A reality TV show that featured a white, conservative, Christian town welcoming a gay family into their midst never saw the light of day.
I don’t think anyone should be surprised.
The Wrights – the gay family in question – have never gotten answers for why the show wasn’t broadcast, though they theorize that Disney, who are both the producers of the show and of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, might have pulled the show because they were simultaneously courting viewers for the Narnia movie.
Can I just say how much this makes me ill? I expect hypocrisy from television producers (and apologies upfront to any who aren’t full of shite) and I think anyone who doesn’t got hit with a naive stick. But mostly I’m tired of what people have made Narnia into – this behemoth of Christian Rightness.
Of course the people who produced it marketed it to Christians – it’s a family movie, there’s no cursing, nudity, and the morality works well within Christian morality. Lewis was of course a convert, against his own better judgement; his famous statement was that he became a Christian “kicking and screaming.” But the fact is he was a Christian, and while it’s highly debatable whether or not he intended to write an allegory – I’m of the camp that insists he didn’t, since he’s said himself that the stories started because he was simply havng a lot of dreams about lions – I’m very certain that seeing the Chronicles as simply Christian propaganda is missing so much of the point. And I mean that not just for the Christians and Disney producers whose hypocrisy pisses me off; I direct that as well to the kneejerk liberals who are demonizing the movie as if it represents all that is wrong with Christian Rightness.
It’s a little like faulting Nietzsche with the way fascists used his theory of the Ubermensch.

As I’ve said before, the gorgeousness of Narnia is not based in Lewis’ Christianity, but in his decency. In an era when we can’t even seem to like the French – the very same French who gave us the Statue of Liberty! – the story of Edmund seems a vital one for Christians and Americans to pay attention to. Sometimes allies are not allies; sometimes we have poked and teased and pissed off our allies so that they stop behaving like allies. And sometimes – even traitors can be redeemed.
The scene I was most pleased they left in – and most feared they would leave out – is the scene where Prof. Digory Kirke hoists Susan and Peter on their own illogical petard. If Lucy is generally truthful, and known not to be mad, then, he asserts: she must be telling the truth.
Imagine if the Christian viewers of Narnia heard that in respect to, say, homosexuality.
I like to believe that the real spirit of what Lewis put in those pages will be heard; maybe not by adults with ears closed by doctrine, but by the children who might see the movie and so pick up the books. There is so much more in the books, so much decency – and decency that is not easy to have, or express. Lewis’ decency – like Aslan’s – is all about admitting to yourself that you’ve been a prig and admitting when you did the shallow, selfish, show-offy thing instead of the right thing.
While it seems like the Narnia books might fulfill some dream of good propaganda by the Christian Right, a good book is never so predictable. As with any other good book, using it as propaganda will backfire; the real truth of a good story will have its day. After all, it’s not a tame book.

Still in all, my bet is that someone had something to say about a reality show which portrayed how a homosexual family found acceptance in a town that didn’t want to accept them. Blaming cynical advertising interests for such a cowardly decision feels good, but I’m not sure it’s the whole answer. And I for one want the whole answer, because it sickens me that the kind of crap on television can’t occasionally be offset by a show that actively created tolerance in its participants – and potentially, its viewers as well.

A Mystery

“We name and talk of a problematic “transvestism,” the desire to dress in the clothes of the other sex. We do not usually name and speak of the strong desire to dress in the clothes of one’s own sex. But why would most of us feel intense anxiety at dressing publicly in the clothes of the other sex? Does not our fervid desire to dress in their clothes of our own sex suggest a mystery to be explained?”
– Jonathan Katz, from The Invention of Heterosexuality

David Foster Wallace Ad Absurdum*

Tom Scocca’s piece in The New York Observer on the Frey hoo-ha might be overstating the case, but this bit of parody made me laugh really hard:
Fine. Then comes the opening sentence: “On my first day in jail, a three hundred pound man named Porterhouse hit me in the back of the head with a metal tray.”
In other words: “On my first day in jail*, a three hundred pound man** named Porterhouse*** hit me in the back of the head**** with a metal tray*****.”
*The author never went to jail.
**Weight is an estimate; also the author, not being in jail, never met such a person.
***Not his real name; also the author never met such a person.
****Because the author’s head was not present in jail, such a blow did not actually land.
***** The composition of the tray is a guess, because the author did not actually get hit by it, because the author was never in jail.
Thanks to GalleyCat for pointing out this passage in particular & the article in general, while simultaneously pointing out that JT LeRoy’s sales figures actually increased last week as a result of the fracas, proving once again that sometimes, bad publicity is still publicity.
* David Foster Wallace has nothing to do with this controversy; he’s just famous for excessive footnoting in his writing, in a postmodern kind of way.

Five Questions With… Jade Gordon

Jade Gordon is the artist and author behind the trans-amorous comic Lean on Me.
jade comic
< A drawing from Lean on Me featuring the two main characters.
1) What motivated you to start drawing “Lean on Me”?
I thought it would be a good way to pick up chicks!
Oh, a more serious answer, eh? What motivated me was a fiery burning need. I am a genetic female who tends to prefer femininity in a romantic partner, regardless of physical gender. I had been repressed for a long time, and I just started to crack. I had to start expressing what I really felt somehow. I was, at that point, spending a lot of time alone in a small, dank apartment, stewing about my true feelings. I decided to try putting my ideas into a visual form. I had never done sequential art, and I think I instinctively knew that I could work out what I was feeling with fictional characters a little easier than direct confrontation.
I also really, really needed to reach more people like me. I grew up in an environment where loving someone of a different ethnicity was very wrong, never mind color, and anyone who was anywhere in the realm of GLBT wasn’t allowed to exist because it was the ultimate in wrong. I found myself not just leaning toward lesbian, but also embracing people who were, in my previous environment, the sickest of sick – the *crossdressers*, the *transvestites*. I *knew* in my heart that I was perfectly normal and healthy in my desires, but I felt like a complete alien among women who typically seemed to prefer freaking out about partners that wanted to crossdress or transition. The comic helped me connect with other women who maybe didn’t immediately want to kick their man to the curb just because he was pretty sometimes.
Continue reading “Five Questions With… Jade Gordon”

Felicity Huffman

Sometimes allies come from odd places.
Hillary Swank said nice things about trans people after she played Brandon Teena in Boys Don’t Cry, and tonight, when Felicity Huffman won the Golden Globe for playing Bree, a transwoman, in Transamerica, she said:
“I know as actors our job is usually to shed our skins, but I think as people our job is to become who we really are, and so I would like to salute the men and women who brave ostracism, alienation and a life lived on the margins to become who they really are.”
So, trans people: consider yourself saluted. As much as actors aren’t always the best spokespeople, and shouldn’t really be spokespeople per se at all, they do make terrific allies. Winning the Golden Globe for her performance means that many more people are going to see a movie about a trans person who isn’t psychotic, violent, or crazy – which is, right now, a huge leap in the right direction.