Last night at my talk at The Tool Shed in Milwaukee, a couple of people live-tweeted the event. So here’s some stuff I said, in the order I said them:
“I was the very enthusiastic girlfriend of a crossdresser & the not very enthusiastic wife of a trans woman.”
“I wasn’t bothered by my gender identity until my boyfriend was better at walking in heels.”
“I was aspiring to be at least as feminine as she was, but I gave up because I was bad at it.”
“The agreement we made: she would transition as slowly as she could, and I would catch up as quickly I could.”
“It’s not our liberation. We’re involved in a struggle that is not our struggle.”
“Transition is, by its nature, a very self-involved process.”
“For partners: if you feel like you’re not getting any support back, that’s because you’re not.”
“I keep saying “pass” but I hate it. Has anyone found a better word?” *crickets*
“Trans therapists don’t understand what we’re going through, tend to be ‘get on board or get out.’”
“As long as I expected her to be my husband, I couldn’t be the kind of friend I should be.”
“Don’t expect the same marriage after transition that you had before transition.”
“Nobody really knows what’s happening in people’s relationships beside the people in it.”
The audio was recorded, so if I get a copy of that, I’ll try to post that, too.
3 Replies to “Stuff I Said”
What a great “Elevator Pitch” for a couple of books or three- or even a movie!
I use either “integrate” or “blend” instead of “pass”
The spouses go through a lot. My spouse is out there by herself, facing the loss of her queer community if we are read as heterosexual. Unfortunately the SOFFA resources are full of transphobic straight people that she can’t relate to at all, and she’s not down with the TERFs either. I don’t know how to help her. All I know is that I need to do this and I put it off for too long.
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