Alcohol Poisoning

Posted by – July 22, 2009

I’ve been drinking.

Sadly, it was a lot of the same old same old: cursory interest in parent, partner, & children. The kids were adorable. The wife was determined. The father was exhausted.

  • Multiple shots and references to surgery, instead.
  • Trans woman discovers surprising, sudden interest in men.
  • Expresses longing to be mother while wife is pregnant.
  • Voiceover talking about wife meeting her husband for the first time “as a woman” post Thailand, even though the husband had been living in female gender role for a year as per SOC.

Atypical trans documentary bits?

  • Added insult to injury for wife, while trans woman wonders – fleetingly – if she’s married her ex-girlriend if she’d have needed to transition. Fleetingly, stressed by Prince, but goddamn do wives of trans women everywhere hate her for that one. Yeah, thanks, it’s our fault you needed to transition. Do you really think we don’t wish, sometimes, that you’d married your ex-girlfriend, too?!
  • Newly female husband going up telephone pole in gear
  • ”  ”  ” mowing lawn with reference to still “wearing the pants”
  • ‘out of the mouths of babes’ testimony that natal female still does all the parenting and housework
  • bee stings lead to discovering of IS condition which justifies transition. (the years of crossdressing certainly don’t count for shit, right?)

So yeah, I’m drunk.You?

They all seem like reasonably nice people. I hate documentaries about teh trans. Hate ‘em. I hate the way our lives our distilled into reverse camera angles and earnest questions across kitchen tables. I hate how the beauty of a trans woman admitting that she still sees her wife the way “he” did is degraded by the “sudden interest” in men. I hate the sad, confused, tendentious quality of trans women’s wives who are obviously overwhelmed with the whole business and still in love with their spouses.

* sigh*

Having been someone who has done shite like this, my only excuse is: it was in my contract. Not that that’s much of an excuse, but you do usually have a clause saying that you will in good faith blah blah blah consent to blah blah blah that will help sell the book. I’m not sure there’s any other reason to do these things anymore, but I hope, for Rene’s sake, & the boys’ sake, & the dad’s & Chloe’s, that this one will be forgotten when it’s Sweeps Week next year or in five years. Not because it’s bad, but because it isn’t. There are things I said and wrote at the time of My Husband Betty that embarass me now, as well as plenty that I”m still happy about. But I wrote a book, so when I”m lucky, you can see its brown spine in the LGBT section of bookstores these days. But a show like this is going to be dredged up at 3am for a few years, and every once too often, Rene and Chloe and her boys and dad will be online at the supermarket / drugstore / in the waiting room / at the doctor’s office / showing up for parent teacher night when someone they’ve never met couldn’t sleep and saw them on the TeeVee. And then, well, then is when you wish you could change your name and move to Timbuktu.

My best to all of them. Can we stop making these now?

7 Comments on Alcohol Poisoning

  1. StonewallJanet says:

    You will never see documentaries about the majority of transitioners because frankly it’s not newsworthy any more. Not any more than any other person’s mundane life. There will always be a thirst in the media for some sort of sensationalism; but face it, most of us who transitioned have no aspirations to be media stars. I applauded your two gender-related books, you said what needed to be said from a partner’s perspective. And that’s what is missing from these “documentaries”, they never originate from the partner’s point of view. That may become a reality in the world of public (i.e., nonprofit) television, but never on a commercial network.

  2. helenboyd says:

    that’s an interesting point, Janet. a sad fact, too.

  3. Véronique says:

    I thought it was at least somewhat different than what I’ve seen before. and less sensationalist. I do always hate when “becoming a woman” is all about surgery, but I guess they just don’t get that part yet. I didn’t find much to relate to personally, other than Chloe saying that she wasn’t particularly girly when she was young and that she could never figure out whether she wanted to be with women or be them. I’m not 47,XXY KS Mosaic or allergic to bee stings. I just have a brain that doesn’t fit with my body.

    It was heartbreaking to see what Renée was going through. I’m not in their situation, but I was surprised that Chloe went ahead not so much with transition as with surgery with Renée still feeling as she did. Maybe they had counselling. Maybe Renée had counselling. They didn’t say. I doubt I would still be with my spouse if she had not received counselling to help her deal with her fears and if we had not done a couples weekend together — well before any surgical intervention.

    I was even more surprised, nay, stunned, when it came out that Chloe had spent a small fortune without Renée having been in on the decision. Maybe Renée should have asked. Maybe Chloe should have been more forthcoming.

    I almost didn’t watch this one. I hadn’t planned to, but I was home at the right time and figured I couldn’t bitch about it if I didn’t watch it. I didn’t even have anything to drink. And it was better than I thought it would be. But unless someone can make a documentary about trans people that’s more real and less stereotyped, I’m kinda done too.

  4. JustJennifer says:

    I have to admit, I found this a rather interesting story. Parts of it sounded a bit contrived….the intersex stuff especially. There are some problems with the whole thing.

    As to Renée, I honestly felt sorry for her. I’ll be blunt. I would like to see her kick Chloe to the curb, and take her for all she is worth in divorce court. I mean really, it is obvious that the poor woman was not involved in her husband’s actions. Chloe cleaned out the 501(K) and took off for Thailand, leaving her behind to worry about what to expect. I seriously doubt she is at all happy with Chloe being “Mommy.” I was married before I transitioned. I hoped to end our marriage on amiable terms. My situation was a bit different. I actually stayed home and kept house. I was more suited to that, as I was always a disaster as a “man.” It was sink or swim when my ex decided to leave. I learned to get along quickly. I went back to work (I had actually quit working to drive my father-in-law to the nursing home to visit my mother-in-law. After my mother-in-law died, I needed to return to work, but I wanted a better job than I had had. I went back to my sale associate position at a major department store, where I had started working right after my transition began. My ex got tired of waiting for me to get where I could live on my own. Thanks to her, I not only learned to swim, I did better than I had ever done before. It is obvious, Renée is at Chloe’s mercy. She is scared to be on her on, and Chloe takes advantage of that. Yes, Chloe got her money’s worth out of her FFS, but really, I honestly did not feel she vibed as a woman. I mean, the line about not being able to decide if she wanted to be a girl, or be with a girl. I bet that one make Michael Bailey’s heart go pitter-patter. The whole thing was a farce. I find it funny that the only reason the transgender types hated it is because it emphasized surgery. Well, I’m sorry, but that is how the real world works. No, surgery doesn’t make you a woman. I think Chloe illustrates that very well. But not wanting surgery indicates that you don’t really want to be a woman in my opinion. I don’t buy into the deconstructionist view. Chloe is another exception that proves the rule. Beyond that, I felt that Chloe is a poster child for the transgender view. And a good example of why I don’t accept that identity. I prefer Harry Benjamin Syndrome. Yes, I am “one of those.” Really, if you have problems with the fact that Chloe had surgery, you are missing the point.

  5. helenboyd says:

    I don’t have an issue with her having had surgery. I had an issue with them saying that post-surgery was somehow the “first time” that Renee had met her spouse as a woman, when Chloe had been living as a woman for a year.

    What I was pointing out was that there’s a hell of a lot to adjust to before surgery if your husband is living as a woman in the world. The surgery may be more to adjust to, but it’s certainly not the only thing.

    Not wanting surgery and not being able to afford surgery are two different things, I’ll add.

  6. Véronique says:

    Just to clarify one thing…I do not take away from the importance of surgery. I’m dying for it myself and going a little crazy from the waiting. But what these programs always seem to forget is that transition is a process, and a gradual one at that, that has as much to do with social change and hormone therapy as with surgery. They did seem to get the social change part — “living as a woman.” But they talked only of Chloe’s messed up endocrine system, not of hormone therapy, and they still talked of Rene seeing Chloe upon her return from Thailand as a woman for the first time. She did have brow bossing done, and I’m sure that made a difference, but otherwise she would have looked pretty much the same before as after — a woman.

  7. Zoe Brain says:

    Since I’m in Australia, I haven’t seen it.

    All I can say is that when your body starts feminising without treatment, and you’re a TS woman, it gets … disorientating. You’re not really thinking straight, part of that’s purely hormonal, the system can get quite chaotic. Part of it’s psychological, you’ve spent so much energy doing the “boy act” and suddenly you can’t any more. Not as in “This is all too much, I just can’t do it any more!” – though that soon becomes the case. No, it’s more of “even if I wanted to, it’s not actually medically possible, the best I can do would be some kind of FtoM transition afterwards”.

    It doesn’t help that, unlike normal transitions, the medics are clueless. Normal rules about HRT doses don’t apply. There are so darned few of us this happens to, and while it may seem like an answer to your prayers, the legal complications alone are daunting. You have no control, you can’t pause and catch breath, it’s sink or swim in a state of desperation and panic. You don’t have the years of preparation, of thinking it through, of planning.

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