naked.

Posted by – August 31, 2008

DO is upcoming, and so I’ve been wondering: why do I so hate being naked in front of people?

I went to a workshop at a DO summer camp about getting in touch with your body, and you’re meant to sit there naked, and talk about stuff, like what you like about your body, what you hate, problems your body brings you, & pleasures.

& I did it, at long last, only after stripping down piece by piece. A little at a time. Iit was when Ii was at my thinnest (which means it was fall 2006), and now, 20 lbs heavier, I’m thinking I should try that workshop again.

Because there are always people at DO who are fatter, hairier, older; more scarred, more beautiful, thinner, more hairless, with better or worse skin than me. Even if I were judging, which is not my style, I’d still end up somewhere in the middle – not the best, not the worst.

& Then I feel like such a shallow idiot. Because there are people with all sorts of bodies out there – scarred, people who have lost limbs, people with chronic medical conditions, etc. – and really I have a pretty healthy body, all told.

So what is it?

What annoys me most is that plenty of people are not comfortable naked & they’re perfectly okay with being uncomfortable being naked. Others are happy naked and okay with that. Me, I’m not okay with not being okay. *sigh*

5 Comments on naked.

  1. whatsername says:

    I’m not ok with not being ok either.

    But I am totally jealous you’re going to DO, my husband and I heard about it through you and now we’re planning a trip as soon as we have the money (and I’m out of school).

  2. VivaZoya says:

    I’m one of those people who is ok with not being ok with being naked in front of other people.
    It’s ok to be modest, Helen. Nothing wrong with it.
    Well, you know that, of course, but maybe you see it as a sign of your guilt-ridden Catholic past, and you want to be free of it, but there’s really nothing wrong with personal modesty. You just don’t like it. and that’s ok!
    =)

  3. buddha says:

    Put a “swoosh” on your backside. “Just do it!” ;)

  4. Barbara says:

    I’m okay with neing naked, but others aren’t okay with me being naked.

  5. Bethany says:

    I guess my first Burning Man was what helped me with that same thing. It was a lame trip until the last night/day. Turns out that bringing your own problems makes a new place not so new. By the last night, I was tired of being unhappy, so I branched out. Dropped some acid for the first time, and had a blast. Giggled myself to sleep.

    The next day, I woke up pretty happy. After breakfast, I went to the “Sunscreen Massage Camp”. You bring your own sunscreen. There are like 8 people around each table, massaging one person, with their sunscreen as the massage oil. You just join in. 8 or so people later, it’s your turn. Absolutely amazing fabulous.

    So, here I am, pale and overweight, but covered in SPF 50 in a city full of like minded freaks, about half of whom are naked. I couldn’t put clothing back on. Instead, I got back on my bicycle, and headed for Glitter Camp. :-)

    I was deeply ashamed of my body. I figured folk would point and laugh. It seems unreal to me now.

    The rest of the day is a gift. Folk mostly didn’t notice. What a fabulous thing! To wander around, and not have anyone care. There were a few folk that gave thumbs-up to the (eventually) blue glittered trannie wandering around, but mostly, they just didn’t notice.

    I’ve been pretty calm about my body ever since, which for any woman, genetic or trans, is a real gift in this culture.

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