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Trans Couples: Natasha & Kyle

“Tranny, 24, slim attractive brunette, seeks fun loving friend for laughter and love.”

Hey, every story has to begin somewhere, and this one’s starting with that. It’s the text of a personals ad, submitted to a local free weekly paper. The sort of thing that’s three quarters real estate listings.

I can’t claim sole authorship for the ad. My ex wife and I penned it. We started with the vague notion that it was about time I started seeing people. She, after all, had hooked up with a new guy and was rapidly approaching domestic bliss. I’d been moping around for a while, but was now finally starting to re-emerge into the world; to get my shit together, as it were.

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How the World Was

Betty & I recently went to a ‘family-friendly’ kind of amusement park while we were in Pennsylvania with my family. We were going to celebrate my grandaunt’s 85th birthday; since no one’s explained the situation to her & she adores ‘Jason,’ Betty decided to go in guy mode to keep things simple. We had a nice day at the park, especially the walking around hand in hand & being able to kiss in public for the day bits. At some point we were talking to my mom about how it was to be a straight couple again for a day, and my mom, being the loving, naive woman she can be, said something along the lines of how we should feel comfortable anywhere. Of course we aren’t, & I had to explain that in places where I see a lot of people are wearing Jesus t-shirts, WWJD stuff, etc., I often feel especially uncomfortable and not welcome. She was unfortunately not surprised but finds it a sad commentary on American christianity.

(Hey, queer-friendly Christians! Take your religion back from the haters!)

Later the same day I was waiting online for the the merry go ’round with my youngest niece, & a girl who was a little developmentally disabled was waiting on line next to us. She asked us which animal we wanted to ride on, and pointed out that she was set on the big gold carriage. We had a nice chat about the park, & who had brought her, & about my family. After the ride was over, I had this moment that I realized it took a really long time for people like her to be able to go to a family park, too. We used to keep “people like that” out of the public eye, you know?

& In some small way that gave me a moment of hope.

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Not Tonight, Dear

One woman has a low libido, & comes to raging conclusions about how most women do, too. (sigh)

For the record, for most of the couples who have attended my “Uneven Libidos” workshop (which I do exclusively at Dark Odyssey), just the opposite is true: more of the guys complain about having the lower libido. & I just wonder – since the one thing I would say is different about DO than about any other grouping of people talking about sex – if the difference depends very much on exactly how much experimentation the woman has done viz her own sexuality, that is, if she’s gone to any great lengths – & I mean great lengths – to find out what exactly turns her on.

Because I think there are still taboos in place, sometimes not even the ones from outside of us, the culture & our religions & our laws, even, but rather the ones that are inside. From where I’m standing, a lot of those internal taboos are about being correctly gendered in terms of our desires.

But one thing I’m clear about: what the world needs now is not another book about how women’s low libidos are natural, or that they’re low because women are women.

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Further Thoughts on the Stanton Hearings

The first thing: it’s obvious the commissioners went in with their minds made up ahead of time, & all of the people who waited hours to testify were wasting their time & their breath. & To hell with those commissioners for being so cynical, close-minded, & pig-headed about it: those are bureaucrats, pure & simple, who don’t have a conscience to examine.

Props of course to the Mayor Pat Gerard and Commissioner Rodney Woods for making the right decision. Mayor Gerard’s wish that there would be a day when LGBT employees felt safe working in Largo was heartfelt, and her point that that is not the case now was chilling.

That said: I found this round pretty damned encouraging, to be honest. In all the time I’ve been paying attention to trans politics (something like 5 years now), this has been the most unified response to an unfair, discriminatory firing. Hearing the various lesbians and gays and trans people of Florida speak at the hearings was absolutely inspiring and heart-breaking; hearing so many ministers of various religions – the Friends, of course, but also Unitarians & others – speak so plainly against discrimination against LGBT people actually made my night. A labor organizer, a minister that wasn’t one, and ordinary citizens all came & said “don’t do this.” And that was damned cool. The testimony of the objectors was far greater than the testimony of those who wanted him fired, and they were – by far – more articulate, more heartfelt, and came off as far more rational than the bitter people who spoke about wanting him fired.

Honestly, it’s good to see “my team” in such good shape, willing to wait in line for six hours to speak, and doing so in defense of trans people – even though, as more than one speaker pointed out, they don’t necessarily understand transness.

That, my friends, is progress.

Our thoughts are otherwise with Stanton, his wife, and family. & Mine, of course, are especially with his wife. You can find a bunch of video, photos, & news articles about the hearings & initial firing at The St. Petersburg Times site.

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Nawal al Saadawi

Nawal al Saadawi’s latest book, God Resigns in the Summit Meeting, was destroyed by her publisher. You might know her as a woman who spoke out about female genital mutilation, as both a doctor and victim. She was a political prisoner for many years. Complaints were made that the book was irreligious and offended religious sensibilities.

Simultaneously, she is talking to the general prosecutor in Egypt on behalf of her daughter, Dr. Mona Helmi, who suggested that children be named after their mothers & not their fathers, which resulted in her being accused of renouncing religion.

Not since Mary Wollstonecraft and Frankenstein author Mary Shelley have their been a mother-daughter pair like these two.

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Five Questions With… Mattilda

Mattilda a.k.a. Matt Bernstein Sycamore is an insomniac with dreams. She is the editor, most recently of Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity and an expanded second edition of That’s Revolting! Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation. She’s also the author of a novel, Pulling Taffy. Mattilda lives for feedback, so contact her or check up on her various projects via her website or her blog.

1) I love the way you use the word “assimilation” – it always reminds me of the Borg episodes of Star Trek – but I wonder how that term plays in different audiences – say a gay male audience as compared to a trans one. How do people respond to your use of that term, and its sinister connotations?

Generally I’m talking about the way an assimilated gay elite has hijacked queer struggle, and positioned their desires as everyone’s needs. In this way, we see the dominant signs of straight conformity reimagined as the ultimate goals of gay (or that fake acronym “LGBT”) success, i.e. marriage, monogamy, adoption, gentrification, military service, etc. We can see this fundamental absurdity where housing and healthcare and fighting police brutality and challenging US imperialism are no longer seen as “LGBT” issues, but access to Tiffany wedding bands and participatory patriarchy is seen as the bedrock.

So when I articulate these politics, it’s generally the people I’m holding accountable — gay men and lesbians with power and privilege — who are the most scared. Most gay men wouldn’t know Feminism 101 if it hit them over the head, so it’s not surprising that they see getting rid of homeless people and people of color and sex workers from the neighborhoods they’ve gentrified as a wonderful service to the “community.”

Generally it’s more marginalized queers, and especially trans, genderqueer and gender defiant freaks and outlaws and misfits — as well as feminists of various formations — who are ready to challenge the cultural erasure that assimilation represents.

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