My good friend Marti contacted me today to tell me that she received an email from Amazon.com saying that My Husband Betty is now shipping!
So if you want to order the book, no more waiting!
Buy the book!
Trans-Academics Survey
Community Needs Assessment Survey – We need your input!
Click on the “research projects” button
We all know there is very little reliable statistical data about trans and gender variant identified persons – here is a great opportunity to help change that! Sponsored by the NTAC (National Transgender Advocacy Coalition) and under the supervision of Claremont Graduate University, Elizabeth Green is running an online survey to collect statistical data about gender variant persons and their experiences. This study is available to anyone residing in the United States, with a particular focus on collecting demographic and experiential information about
gender variant identified persons living in Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside and San Bernardino, CA counties. We are looking to have at least 200-300 respondents from the SoCal area and over 1500 responses from the greater US.
In order to participate you must be at least eighteen years old and self identify as a part of the gender variant community (including but not limited to transgender, transsexual, intersex, genderqueer, cross-dresser, etc.) The survey is comprised of 75 questions and should take approximately 10 minutes to complete. Surveys are 100% confidential and your participation is most appreciated.
Also, if you would be so kind as to forward this message to anyone you think might be interested, including list-serves and organizations – that would be extraordinarily helpful to our cause. We are more than willing to arrange for on-site paper surveys for individuals or groups in SoCal if that is more convenient. Any questions, please contact
Elizabeth Green [elizabeth@trans-academics.org].
Thank You!!!
Elizabeth R. Green
elizabeth@trans-academics.org
MAWS – Claremont Graduate University
Program Coordinator, UCR – LGBTRC
NTAC Research Committee
http://www.trans-academics.org
Gidget
I received the sad news today that one of the women I interviewed for the book – one half of one of the couples profiled in Chapter 4 – died recently. I’ve been sad and stunned since getting the news. I only ever knew her as Gidget, and her emails were always a joy to receive – full of enthusiasm & capriciousness, common sense & humor. She taught Special Ed. She was a lovely, magnanimous, generous person. It’s killing me that she never got to hold a final copy of the book in her hands.
Her words appear in various parts of the book, but I did profile her & her husband, so I wanted to put her “In Her Own Words” section up here, in her memory:
I think the bottom line is that you must both be in love to come across and meet the other person half way—as you give up part of what you wanted, for part of him, and he does the same for you—I wasn’t the one hundred percent accepting person that he wanted, but he loves me and accepted less from me—also, I did the same for him, as I got myself to take a risk and see and view him as a female—it freaked me out when I first saw it about 20 years ago, but now—it took him being very slow about showing things to me—he first wore a black cotton dress to bed with me, and I imagined this as a black cotton t-shirt and thought “this isn’t too bad!!”—then he wore panty hose, which felt funny to me and I kept getting these lesbian dreams from those things—LOL!!—anyways, it took time—
Pretty soon, he progressed with one more item—I call this “taking baby steps” and that is how I learned to accept everything even now—it had to be done very slowly and at my comfort zone—after all, as I explained to him, he had many years of getting up to this level, and I had no years seeing this kind of thing—he had to go slowly for me to go there with him—
Also, I told him to imagine me without makeup (HORRORS!!!) and with my hair cut in a crew cut style—(I would look awful for sure!!)—and then smoking a cigar and wearing a western cowboy look—and then I asked him if he could picture me like that and I told him I needed him to have sex with me like that, what would he think?? He was honest and replied he wouldn’t like me that way—so I asked him, �Why not? I’m still the same girl underneath,� as he used to say to me the same thing—he would always wear his femme outfits and tell me, �Why don’t you just love me? I’m still the same guy underneath.� Hee-hee—that took care of that!!! He finally saw how I was viewing things—you have to spell it out for them—they think just because they accept themselves dressed as females, that we shouldn’t have problems with it, as they see it as no big deal—
However, they do know that MOST women would have problems looking at a man dressed that way—and that is why they hide it from us—they know what the reaction would be–
Another thing, you asked what quality I have that helped me? I have to say, I think having a sense of humor—I laugh at this at times, and he does too—and we both can feel at ease that way—-if you take it too seriously, you get depressed—
Also, he helped me accept him as he was as I could see that he came to bed the first few times looking forlorn and depressed and ashamed very badly—and I felt sorry for him—and knew that he had told me he wanted someone his whole life to accept him as he was, but didn’t get it—and I knew he meant it, so I wanted to please him as he was trying to please me by doing things I wanted him to do—such as the dishes, wash the floors, etc.—and that made me want to give up something for him as well—-
I know that if he had told me the truth back then, I would have hightailed it out of dodge for sure—I certainly wasn’t raised to have sex with a kink in it—and I associated this as something very forbidden, weird, and bad—
Anyways, my husband and I are very much in love now, we don’t fight anymore, and we reconnected to each other in just two months with the marriage counselor—we always were best of friends, but got a little sidetracked, I believe, due to the crossdressing issues—first of all, I did not understand when I was younger how important this issue was to my husband—and he did not understand that he needed to negotiate and teach me how to tolerate him this way—now he understands my side, and I understand his—and we respect each other on this issue—.)
Gidget, the world will miss you – I have no doubt. Wherever you are, thank you for your kindess & help, your thoughtfulness and humor.
To Gidget’s husband: she ROCKED. My condolences to you on your loss of such a fantastic woman, wife, and mother.
Anyone who knew her who visits here is welcome to leave a comment.
Yahoo! group
I thought perhaps some of you might prefer a mailing list instead of message boards, like myself, so I set up a Yahoo! group
Join the mailing list here!
My idea is that the group will be focused on issues and ideas I bring up in the book, but mostly it’ll be moderated as a serious discussion group – not for makeup tips or a dating service. Before the book is out, I’ll use it as a way of communicating updates, etc.
Thanksgiving Trans*Am
After you all finish eating with friends and family, and the femme in your is dying to get out, check out Sunday night’s Trans*Am, hosted by Ethan Carter – it’s Ladies’ Night, and only a $3 cover for T-girls!
from the flyer: Are you Trans-amorous? Then come show your love! A party for trans folks, gender queers and supporters!
Further information can be found at Ethan Carter’s site
To all, a happy Thanksgiving!
General Clark and Barry Winchell
This just in, from the National Transgender Advocacy Coalition:
Critics Rail Against Senate Promotion of Gen. Robert Clark
WASHINGTON DC – On Tuesday, November 18th, the U.S. Senate voted to confirm the promotion of Major General Robert T. Clark to the rank of Lieutenant General, the Army’s second highest rank. The senate confirmation drew rancor from the nation’s major Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender (GLBT) Organizations, including the National Transgender Advocacy Coalition (NTAC).
In 1999, Gen. Clark was the commander of Fort Campbell, Kentucky at the time PFC Barry Winchell was murdered when his fellow soldiers came to believe to him be gay. Winchell, whose death was subject of a Showtime Movie, “A Soldier’s Story,” had a romantic relationship with Calpernia Addams, a pre-operative transsexual woman.
Clark failed to take steps to deal with the homophobic climate of Fort Campbell, and obey and implement “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” regulations. Gen. Clark’s inaction in response to the anti-gay harassment suffered by Barry Winchell in the weeks leading up his death has been the subject of much controversy, and has been cited as a possible contributing factor to his murder.
“Instead of being considered for a “promotion,” General Clark should have been court-martialed, and sent to prison for dereliction of duty!” fumed Cliff Arnesen, Vice President of the New England GLBT Veterans. “George W. Bush, and all those in the U.S. Senate who voted to confirm Clark’s promotion, ought tobe ashamed of themselves”
“With the many other more deserving three-star generals who were encouraged to retire after being told there was no promotion for them on the horizon,” said Vanessa Edwards Foster, chair of the National Transgender Advocacy Coalition (NTAC), “it’s incomprehensible that this would be the candidate that the Bush administration deemed worthy of promoting.
“To the GLBT community of America, this sends a distinct message: Homophobic? Good job, soldier!” Foster commented, “the Bush Administration rewards apathy towards homophobia.”
Despite Gen. Clark’s claims that he was not aware of any homophobic incidents at Fort Campbell prior to the murder, there had been numerous reports of anti-gay harassment, graffiti, and assault at the post. A Department of Army Inspector General report also found Fort Campbell to be suffering from low morale, inadequate delivery of health care to soldiers and their families, andleader-condoned underage drinking.
Despite repeated requests, Gen. Clark refused to meet with Winchell’s parents, Patricia and Wally Kutteles, but finally relented this spring on the eve of his appearance before the U.S. Senate Armed Services Committee. During the meeting, Clark expressed regret over Winchell’s death, but refused to accept any responsibility for the homophobic harassment that took place under his commandat Fort Campbell.
“There is compelling evidence that the anti-gay harassment at Fort Campbell was pervasive,” said Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA) on the Senate floor Tuesday, “General Clark says he agrees with these findings, but that he was, nonetheless, not aware of a single instance of anti-gay harassment prior to the murder.” “A brutal, bias-motivated crime is an extraordinary event in anycommunity,” Senator Kennedy continued, “the available evidence indicates that General Clark’s response was not adequate.”
Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) expressed “utter disgust with the tragic and brutal beating that took the life of Pfc. Winchell at only 21 years old,”adding, “my deepest sympathies are with his family.”
NTAC was joined in opposition to Gen. Clark’s nomination by Service Members Legal Defense Network, the Democratic National Committee, People for the American Way, the Human Rights Campaign, the National Lesbian & Gay Task Force, the National Organization for Women, American Veterans for Equal Rights, the Transgender American Veterans Association and a coalition of state-wide civilrights organizations, including Michigan’s Triangle Institute.
Arnesen of the New England GLBT Vets noted, “the message conveyed to our Country’s GLBT service members is that they will have to continue to serve insilence, as we have a Commander-in-Chief, who was quoted in the New York Times as saying: “I’m a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Man.””
“We at NTAC are quite anguished with the Senate and especially with the Administration,” commented NTAC chair, Foster. “The antipathy this decision communicates to all non-heterosexual servicemen and women, especially in time of war – in time of America’s greatest need – is profoundly disappointing.
“This unwise decision speaks volumes.”
You can find more info about Barry Winchell, hate crimes, and this story at a site dedicated to the memory of Barry Winchell.
You can find out more about the work that the NTAC does at their site .
Brooklyn & Beyond
Last night, my husband and I got to meet two other married CDs who live near us. One came with his wife, and the other promised his wife would make our next gathering.
I don’t know if I can explain how satisfying it is to meet others who live nearby. There is a whole different feeling of companionship – and for lack of a better word, regularness – about meeting other couples face to face.
We are all expecting to invite others we know, and are already planning our next meeting.
That said, I would love to provide a space for others to meet people in their local area, and I think the message boards at this site might be the perfect venue. So please, use this forum to find others in your area:
Local Gatherings Message Board
Transgender Day of Remembrance
Today, November 20th, is the Transgender Day or Remembrance, when the TG community remembers and honors TG victims of violence.
There is a website dedicated to the Day of Remembrance. For more about today, and a list of the memorials occurring around the country, check here
From that site: Day of Remembrance
“This site has gone black in honor of the Day of Remembrance, November 20, 2003, to honor the 38 victims of anti-transgender murder since last November�s event, and to remember all victims of anti-transgender violence or prejudice. For more details, see the Remembering Our Dead website.”
“The Transgender Day of Remembrance was set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder in 1998 kicked off the �Remembering Our Dead� web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999. Since then, the event has grown to encompass memorials in dozens of cities across the world. Rita Hester�s murder � like most anti-transgender murder cases � has yet to be solved.”
“Although not every person represented during the Day of Remembrance self-identified as transgendered � that is, as a transsexual, crossdresser, or otherwise gender-variant � each was a victim of violence based on bias against transgendered people.”
“We live in times more sensitive than ever to hatred based violence, especially since the events of September 11th. Yet even now, the deaths of those based on anti-transgender hatred or prejudice are largely ignored. Over the last decade, more than one person per month has died due to transgender-based hate or prejudice, regardless of any other factors in their lives. This trend shows no sign of abating.”
“The Transgender Day of Remembrance serves several purposes. It raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgendered people, an action that current media doesn�t perform. Day of Remembrance publicly mourns and honors the lives of our brothers and sisters who might otherwise be forgotten. Through the vigil, we express love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred. Day of Remembrance reminds non-transgendered people that we are their sons, daughters, parents, friends and lovers. Day of Remembrance gives our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil, memorializing those of us who�ve died by anti-transgender violence.”
For a list of those TG people we have lost.
Smaller Video
Hey all, I managed to cut the file size in half of the promo video and it seems to be streaming now, which is a good thing. So, for those who didn’t get a chance to see it (and my lovely wife) check it out!
Massachusetts Supreme Court Ruling
Massachusetts First State in Nation to Grant Same-Sex Couples the Right to a Civil Marriage
WASHINGTON – The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled today that same- and opposite-sex couples must be given equal civil marriage rights under the state constitution. The ruling in Goodridge et al. v. Department of Public Health makes the state the first in the nation to grant same-sex couples the right to a civil marriage license. Ruling that civil marriage in Massachusetts means “the voluntary union of two persons as spouses, to the exclusion of all others,” the Court allowed the Legislature 180 days to change the civil marriage statutes
accordingly.
“Today, the Massachusetts Supreme Court made history,” said Elizabeth Birch, executive director of the Human Rights Campaign. “This ruling will never interfere with the right of religious institutions – churches, synagogues and mosques – to determine who will be married within the context of their respective religious faiths. This is about whether gay and lesbian couples in long-term, committed relationships will be afforded the benefits, rights and protections afforded other citizens to best care for their partners and children. This is good
for gay couples and it is good for America.”
Key results from the ruling:
1. Same sex couples in Massachusetts who choose to obtain a civil marriage license will now be able to:
-Visit each other in the hospital, without question;
-Make important health care and financial decisions for each other;
-Have mutual obligations to provide support for each other;
-File joint state tax returns, and have the burden and advantages of the state tax law for married couples; and
-Receive hundreds of other protections under state law.
2. Churches and other religious institutions will not have to recognize or perform ceremonies for these civil marriages. This ruling is not about religion; it’s about the civil responsibilities and protections afforded through a government-issued civil marriage license.
3. By operation of law, all married couples should be extended the more than 1,000 federal protections and responsibilities administered at the federal level. Because no state has recognized civil marriage for same-sex couples in the past, the so-called Defense of Marriage Act has not yet been challenged in court.
4. Other states and some businesses may legally recognize the civil marriages of same-sex couples performed in Massachusetts the same way they treat those of opposite-sex couples.
The Boston-based Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) brought the case on behalf of seven gay and lesbian couples after they were denied civil marriage certificates solely because they were same-sex couples.
“GLAD and Mary Bonauto, its leading lawyer, did an outstanding job arguing this case with professionalism and passion. This tremendous victory would not have been possible without their exemplary efforts,” said Birch.
The Human Rights Campaign signed onto a “friend of the court” brief in Goodridge to support and further explain the case for extending civil marriage rights to same-sex couples under the state constitution. A variety of other civil rights organizations, religious groups, child welfare experts, family and legal historians and others also either signed or filed briefs of their own in favor of extending civil marriage laws to same-sex couples.
For the full text of HRC’s press release, please visit:
HRC site