People ask me why I chose “Helen Boyd” for my pen name, and just tonight on the boards Andrea wondered if there was some connection to it being more “WASPy” than my given name, but no.
I chose it for being queerer, actually.
Helen’s my middle name, and there’s nothing exciting in that except that I was named Helen for my grandmother, and the name “Helen” (and its variants, Eleanor and the like) fill in a lot of my family tree. (My cousin, who did our geneology, likes to joke that there are only two pages in the Polish naming book.) I’m proud to bear it, as my grandmother was one of my role models growing up.
But Boyd is a little more complicated.
I certainly didn’t choose it to sound WASPy, as I’ve always regretted I didn’t get one of the more ethnic names – like Frollo or Topolski – I might have had (if we lived in a matriarchy).
It’s not Brooklynese for “bird,” as Mariette Pathy Allen once mused, either.
The thing is, I’d already been using ‘bettysgrrl’ with “Helen,” so I was turning up in people’s address books as “Helen B.” So I needed a last name that started with B, and it was the poet Edna St. Vincent Millay who loaned it to me.
In 1919, before she became a famous and popular poet, Edna St. Vincent Millay wrote some early magazine pieces under the name Nancy Boyd. She was infamously bisexual, and some of the love poems she wrote were – gasp! – written to women. Thus, the pen name, borrowed from the phrase “nancy boy” which is slang for a sissy, a momma’s boy, an effeminate male. Millay, who signed her name Vincent (never Edna), was “Nancy Boy’d.”
I’ve always thought it was funny, and genderbent, and a nice bit of queer literary history, as in: a woman poet writing lesbian poems to girls straight out of Vassar uses a genderslur about feminine boys as her pen name, and in choosing my pen name in order to write a book about my feminine husband, I thought it was only appropriate to borrow Millay’s pansexual, genderqueer joke, since I admire her both as a woman and as a poet.
Recently it’s become even more lovely that I chose Boyd since Neil Gaiman – who is a favorite writer of mine, and one who coincidentally has written more than one cool, sympathetic story about a tranny – just published his new novel Anansi Boys, which is again another pun on “nancy boy” but this time borrowing from the Jamaican stories of Anansi the Spider.
An ironic coincidence is that after I chose the name, it turned out to be the actual name of one of my Jewish friend’s grandmothers – ie, someone who would have been the last person I’d have asked if he had a relative named “Boyd.” Go figure.
(Well, I think it all makes perfect sense.)
And for those of you who are wondering, and who have asked: please keep calling me Helen. I actually prefer it to my given name.
American Grrls
The AFA (American Family Association) and an anti-Choice group called The Pro-Life Action League (ugh) are boycotting the company American Girls for two reasons:
1) They are pro-Choice and pro-contraception.
2) They encourage support for girls dealing with sexual orientation issues.
Girls, Inc. – the company that produces American Girls – was taken aback by this boycott. The president of the company, Joyce Roche, said “Girls Inc. takes positions on public policy issues if it believes women’s rights and opportunities are at stake. ‘Our philosophy is that women should have the right to make decisions about themselves,’ Roche said.
Crazy idea, that.
Support Girls Inc. by buying American Girls products and emailing them to let them know you support their stands on these issues.
MHB Group
I haven’t mentioned, and should have, that a group of couples who’ve met via these boards has started meeting once monthly at the GLBT Center. The meetings take place the first Tuesday of the month, from 8-10pm, and we split the cost of renting the room by however many people show up.
If anyone reading this is in the NYC area is interested, do check out this thread about how we came to choose the place/time, and then please get in touch with me first if you’d like to come.
It’s a private group, and not listed in the Center’s calendar, for now.
Intersex Diary
Over at Daily Kos, tvb is writing an intersex diary. It’s written well, and the explanations are clear, and I’m thrilled that this information is getting across to such a large readership and a politically hip one, as well.
I’m looking forward to the other three installments.
Aurora, Feeling Better
Here she is, the kitty we rescued from the DO campgrounds, splayed out on Betty’s chair:
She’s put on nearly 2 lbs. since we rescued her, and is at her ideal weight now.
(Really) Living Will
I didn’t write this myself, but I wish I had.
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who ouldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of timepasses and I fail to sit up and ask for:
(Please initial all that apply)
_________a martini,
_________a Dewars and Water
_________a Mojito,
_________a steak,
_________ The remote control,
__________ A bowl of ice cream,
_________ a Kualua on the rocks,
_________ Sex,
_________ Chocolate
then it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes,and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the future of the millions of Americans who aren’t in a permanent coma.
Signature:___________________________
Date: ___________________________
Witness: __________________________
Five Questions With… Raven Kaldera
A female-to-male transgendered activist and shaman, Raven Kaldera is a pagan priest, intersex transgender activist, parent, astrologer, musician and homesteader. Kaldera, who hails from Hubbardston, Mass., is the founder and leader of the Pagan Kingdom of Asphodel and the Asphodel Pagan Choir. Kaldera has been a neo-pagan since the age of 14, when he was converted by a “fam-trad” teen on a date. His website, Cauldron Farm, contains extensive information about Pagan practice as well as his activist writings on transgender and sexuality topics.
Having met Raven and attended workshops he’s given, I’m always surprised that every time I see him I’m newly amazed by how much his presence is both strong and gentle. His answers, too, are of the ‘pulls no punches’ variety, without obfuscation, and he manages to explain complex ideas – about spirituality, sexuality, and identity – in plain language. Okay, I’m a fan! – I admit it!
1) I think the most vital thing I’d love for you to talk about is how most IS people view T issues, and whether or not they identify as T, and why.
Most intersexuals do not consider themselves transgendered, and are very uncomfortable being associated with the trans movement in general. I think a lot of this comes out of lifetimes of being shamed for being physically different; if it was a terrible thing that had to be medically corrected and then desperately hidden from the world, what’s up with these people with “normal” bodies who are seeking out changes? Not to mention that many IS folks view transpeople as freaks, and are desperate to be seen as “normal”.
The problem is with the cross-section. I don’t know how big that cross-section is, but there are more and more of us popping out all the time – IS folks who decide that they’d rather be a gender other than what they were assigned, and get sex reassignment, transsexuals who discover that they have IS conditions in the middle of their changes, and so forth. We make it difficult for either side to separate from each other. Our bodies are spread across that gap between the two movements. It’s important for me as one of those bridgers to be sensitive to the needs of both sides, getting in the way of the IS folks assumption that we’re freaks; getting in the way of the transfolks’ attempts to colonize the IS struggles.
Continue reading “Five Questions With… Raven Kaldera”
Need Your Letters
NYTRO (The NY Transgender Rights Organization) and Joann Prinzivalli are asking that people – gay, lesbian, CD, TG, TS, or anyone interested in justice – send a letter to one Judge Berry, who will be presiding over the case of Jason Bardsley, who killed crossdressing Dr. Robert Binenfield in December 2004.
You can find her sample letter on our boards, and more about the case in the thread where the post is located.
Thank for your help – and please tell others!
Larry David's Bra
I just received this letter from the one and only Miss Vera:
To Victoria’s Secret Corp.
Last night’s episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” will go down in crossdressers’ herstory as the night Victoria’s Secret invited men who like to wear bras to come in and try things on. Larry goes into the clearly marked Victoria’s Secret shop in order to buy a bra for his housekeeper and in the normal course of confusion, the saleswoman invites him to try on anything he likes. Students at Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls, NYC have told me that when shopping on their own, for themselves, they are treated with courtesy at Victoria’s Secret shops in locations across the country, but the invitation to try on is not so forthcoming. The experience I have had when taking a student shopping at V.S. is that the policy regarding try ons has not been consistent. How wonderful that managers and customers can now refer to this nationallly televised corporate seal of approval. It’s the usual smart marketing on your company’s part. Halloween is coming, the crossdressers’ national holiday, and, of course the party season follows, with lots of gift giving too. My advice to VS store managers: stock up on size 40B. Thanks Larry and thank you Victoria’s Secret for recognizing this sizeable segment of your customer base.
Cherchez la femme,
Veronica Vera
Dean of Students
Author & Founder
Miss Vera’s Finishing School For Boys Who Want to Be Girls
www.missvera.com
Miss Vera received the following response:
Dear Veronica,
Thank you for your e-mail regarding Victoria’s Secret Stores allowing men use of the dressing rooms. We are happy to assist you with your inquiry.
Victoria’s Secret does allow men to use our dressing rooms. However, because our primary target client is female and because of the sensitive nature of our product, there are specific guidelines for males in the dressing room areas. If a male client requests a dressing room at a busy time of day or there are female clients in the area, we ask him to come back at a time when the shop is less busy. If there are one or two females in the dressing rooms and it is a shop where there are additional dressing rooms free from female use, we will allow him to use a room free of female traffic. We hope this information is of use to you.
We value our reputation for excellent client service, and always take great interest and initiative in making changes which are beneficial to our clients.
We appreciate your comments and take them seriously. In fact, client suggestions and comments often provide direction for changes in future merchandise and services.
If you need further assistance, please reply to this e-mail or call anytime.
Thank you for shopping with Victoria’s Secret.
Sincerely,
Michelle B.
VictoriasSecret.com Client Services
Visit www.VictoriasSecret.com
Phone 1.800.475.1935 or (outside the U.S.) 1.937.438.4197
Fax 1.937.438.4290
The NY Post ran a story about this as well, which I’ve posted to the boards.
National Coming Out Day…
… is tomorrow. What are your plans for coming out – to whom? How? Why?
I’d love to hear some of your stories, about who you came out to, why and when and how.
But in the meantime, I compiled some resources last week for coming out.