New Orleans Update

After months of asking the wrong people, I finally asked one of the right people: the incomparable Chi Chi Valenti, who went to New Orleans this past Mardi Gras with Krewe York to show support for our sister city. Since Betty & I weren’t able to go as we planned to, I asked her if there’s anyone down there doing artsy/queer stuff that some of you might want to help fund.

    Here are her three suggestions:

  • http://www.noaidstaskforce.com/
    New Orleans AIDS Taskforce is doing grants for gay and transgendered youth – this is a great program and a great organization too, even pre-Katrina: “Youth, age 16 – 25, who are lesbian, bisexual, gay, transgender and questioning are eligible for $500 grants to help them recover from the effects of Hurricane Katrina. “
  • http://www.summerstages.org/index.htm
    Stage to Stage is a NO children’s theater group working in poor neighborhoods that is trying to rebuild
  • http://www.artscouncilofneworleans.org/
    which is running several artist relief programs.

So take your pick, and donate!

All White Meat, Too

chicken
Our friends Zoe & Kat found this in their organic eggs this morning. I had no idea she was so busy. And I don’t know why I’ve ever had to buy eggs if she can lay them. Sheesh.

Back

We’re back from Meriden, CT, where we had a lovely time at the COS Banquet. Especial thanks to Staci for inviting us back, and to Diana who picked us up/dropped us off at the train station.
I would post the speech I gave except that as usual, I delivered a different talk than I wrote beforehand. I got at the same themes, but I was on cold meds. So I also learned: just read the speech when you’re on cold meds. I’m afraid I came off as far less organized and direct than usual, though I still received some nice compliments. Betty says I didn’t suck, but I didn’t meet my usual standards.
This cold sucks, for the record. But it’s slowly getting better.
Betty got the usual questions about her dosages, and I had my usual night of having some nice one-on-one conversations with people who attended. It’s really the part of being me I enjoy the most, talking with people about their own experiences, stuff they’re having trouble with, or meta conversations about the larger trans community. Still, I left (again) with the impression that COS is a cool organization that gives its members a lot of support; I hope they continue to thrive, and if you’re in the area, I recommend you say hello – even if it’s just for the social outings to dinner, etc.
The other thing I learned is that I love trains. Well I re-learned that, really. My hatred/fear of planes has made me feel very vulnerable, but also very restricted. But there’s Amtrak – and in some ways, this trip reminded me that I can still travel – it might take longer, but I can, without horrible fear and anxiety attacks. Which is, you know, a good thing. Besides, it’s great for writing, and listening to music, and for actually seeing the country you’re travelling through.

Eating, and Drinking, then Talking

Betty and I are off to the Connecticut Outreach Society’s Annual Banquet tonight, where I’ll be giving the post-dinner speech. We’re pleased to be going again, because we really enjoyed ourselves the first time I spoke at this event, in 2004. You’d think they’d have had enough of me by now, but my guess is that they want to know if I’ve gotten any better since then!
We also made the smart move to take the train. I love trains about as much as I hate cars and planes. So it’ll be nice to stare out the window, each of us with our headphones on, and read, and write, and stare out the window.
Our thanks to those at COS for having us again.

From the Mailbag

Dear Helen,
First, let me say that i thought your book < My Husband, Betty > was excellent. I’m not a crossdresser myself and had figured that out before i read your book, but since a friend of mine’s picture was featured in it, i simply had to buy the book. It turned out to be a pretty fair description of the crossdressing world that i had seen in my brief and peripheral experience of it. At least, that’s my opinion.

You wrote: “it always struck me as ironic that VP, who put these standards & membership rules in place, prefers she-male porn and is living full-time as a woman – and has been for many years.”

Meanwhile….. On doing some internet research on crossdressers who use non-over-the-counter hormones (the rationale of this puzzled me) i came across the above quotation. Who is the VP you are referring to? I know Virginia Prince is a “transgenderist”, but i always assumed her tastes were of a rather vanilla variety. Do you know if she also uses hormones? If not, does she have a position on their use by crossdressers. She has a rather perscriptive personality on most such issues, so I’m just curious.
Best Regards,
Lori

Lori,
Yes, I was referring to Virginia Prince with that shorthand of VP.
From what I know – Virginia used hormones for herself until she got the breasts she wanted. Then, because estrogen disrupted her sex drive and/or functionality, she quit taking them. That said, she does live full-time as a woman and has for many, many years now – more than she lived presenting as a man at this point. In some ways, she’s like a transsexual who didn’t have bottom surgery.
If you want to know the whole scoop, you need to get Richard Docter’s book about her, From Man to Woman. That’s where I got the information about her liking she-male porn; she even admitted that if she were young now, that’s probably what she’d be doing. She was infamously oversexed.
I don’t know if she ever had a “position” on crossdressers using hormones, but I’ve met quite a few now who simply want breasts. Some of them use hormones to get them – and then “bind” for their male lives. In some cases, that kind of “treatment” is even recommended, to relieve body dsyphoria and gender role dysphoria by enabling the CDs to pass more easily when they do dress.
Like I said in the book, the definitive line between crossdressers and transsexuals is not so definitive. Often the distinction made is whether the person presents as female part of the time (= crossdresser) or all the time (=transsexual). Others make the distinction with body modifications – ie, hormone use and/or surgery. But there are plenty of transsexuals who opt not to have surgery, or who maintain male identities for their professonal life, & all sorts of other combinations. Still another distinction that’s been made (& one that I think is the least valid, to be honest) is that for crossdresser’s it’s sexual, and for transsexuals it isn’t.
This stuff is getting murkier & murkier every day, what with the internet & hormones being easily gotten, and according to some researchers, the largest category of people have always been the ones who don’t fit the “classic transsexual” or “classic crossdresser” definition.
Thanks for writing, and for the praise.
Helen

The Warhol Trannies

I’m currently reading Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk – which I highly recommend – and I’ve just gotten to the section about Jackie Curtis and Holly Woodlawn and Candy Darling and Jayne (then Wayne) County – and from one observer’s pov, they didn’t care if people knew they were born male.
According to Leee Childers:

To me, Jackie Curtis and Holly Woodlawn and the rest of them were the most glamourous people. They weren’t drag quens. They weren’t crazy. These were just people who lived twenty-four hours in dresses and old ladies’ shoes . . . (Holly) didn’t really care whether other people knew she was a man or a woman or a Martian.
The stove immediately became coated with zip wax from them zipping their faces, because in those days you zip-waxed your beard, and what it achieved wasn’t a feminine look.
You took hot, molten wax, put it on your face, let it dry, and then grabbed it and pulled it off. So what it did was rip out your beard by the roots, which made your face swell up all red, bloated, ugly. Then they’d put this Woolworth’s makeup on, because that was all they could afford – this Woolworth’s orange makeup all over their red faces and then go out in pubic! No one thought they were women, no one thought they were men! No one knew what they were! And they dressed in old-lady dresses. This old lady died next door to us, and Jackie walked the ledge from the window to her window and broke into her apartment to steal all her clothes. Those were the clothes that Jackie wore, the dead old lady’s dresses!
Holly just wore anything. She’d just wrap a sheet around her. In fact, Holly got in trouble with the welfare people. She was on welfare, everyone was. She would show up at the welfare office to get her welfare check in ostrich feathers and false eyelashes. One day they took her into an office and said, “Sire, this is the welfare office. You’re showing up in evening gowns and ostrich feathrs. The other welfare recipients are getting very upset about this.”
Holly said, “But me some jeans, I’ll wear them, otherwise I’ll spend my money as I please, and I please to spend it on ostrich feathers.”
Please Kill Me, p. 91

Ah, NYC in the late 70s. I’m not sure there’s anything an artsy, proto-punk junkie speedfreak sub subculture wouldn’t forgive.

Feeling… Hopeful?

There have been two recent break-ups (three, if you count Chrissy’s recent news) on the MHB message boards, which I’m sure have left a lot of people who read/post on them a little less than optimistic. Unfortunately, two other couples we know are probably on the verge of splitting. Unfortunately, breakups are very regular news for us.
It’s one of the downfalls of the trans community, and one of the reasons I find it hard to extend myself to partners, especially. The trans person remains trans – and after a break, often returns to the community. (Lots of trans people only find the community after the breakup of a relationship, as well.) But the partner is free, of course, to go on their way – and leave all this stuff behind, which is what they usually do. I’ve invested in so many partners who became friends, who after a while of trying to keep in touch, faded out of my life after fading out of their tranny’s.
But the good thing is that very often both parties find some kind of happiness with other people, after a time. Some days it can seem that the statistics are very, very bad specifically for us, but it is still true that half of all marriages dissolve, not just trans ones.
A longitudinal study of marriage find that the happiness people experience with marriage dips after the “I do” and for four years after that, then plateaus until years 8-10 (the so-called “seven year itch”). Not good news, but still it’s better knowing than having something like that bite you in the ass, right? And the message couldn’t be better timed, for me, since Betty and I will be celebrating our 8th anniversary this April (and our 5th wedding anniversary this July).
I especially liked this bit:

”Research shows it’s not how much you love each other that predicts the success of a marriage, but how you handle the problems that come along in life,” he said. ”Happily married couples view problems as ‘us against the problem.’ They identify themselves as a team.”

Which for me is very fitting for those of us dealing with transness, and which, to beat a dead horse, is another good reason for the trans person not to refer to it as a “gift” – especially if that’s not the way the partner feels about it. A difference of opinion, in this case, might rob a couple of one type of comraderie that they might really, really need.
But in the meantime, I’d love to have a bunch of you post here with how long you & your partner have been together, to give some of the folks out there a glimmer of much-needed hope.
For us, eight years and counting. You?