Trans Couples Conference?

So if I were to host a trans couples/trans partners weekend retreat, would you come? What if it were in Philly?

If you’re interested, let me know by leaving a comment or posting in our thread about it or emailing me. Let me know what you’d like the conference to be like by describing a day at it.

I’m very much in the planning/idea stages, so input is welcome.

GIP August Events

There’s two events coming organized by the Center that I wanted to let people know about.

The first one is Trans on the Sands, on August 12th, from 11am – 5pm: a day at the beach for transgender, gender non-confirming, genderqueer people, their families and allies, at Coney Island. Meet directly across from the boardwalk entrance to the New York Aquarium under a ‘GIP’ sign.

The second is a Femme Symposium, on August 18th, from 11am – 5PM: an opportunity for self-identified femmes in the New York City metropolitan area to socialize and connect with other femmes. It provides femmes and our allies with space to discuss issues and topics of relevance and is intended to increase the visibility of femmes. All who attend are entitled to explore their own definition of femme throughout the day. While this event is for, about and by femmes, allies are welcome. There is a $10 entrance fee to cover costs, but no one will be turned away for lack of funds. For further information: nycfemmesymposium@gmail.com.

Triangle Trans

I’ll be speaking at the fledgling Triangle Transgender Society in Norwalk, CT, on August 7th. You don’t have to be a member to attend. I’ll start speaking around 7Pm, & I’ll finish when no one has any more questions.

Do come if you’re in that neck of the woods (or can get there).

Gogol Bordello, Wanderlust Kings

They didn’t disappoint, though that was nearly a low energy performance for them. They’ve been described as gypsy punk but I think of them more as the slavic Pogues – the insane, charismatic lead singer, huge folk influences, a gigantic punk attitude. I love them. The only time I got to see them – at Irving Plaza – I wanted to get drunk and break things, and I couldn’t decide if that was the drunken polka/gypsy thing, or the punk rock thing, or just the sheer energy & chaos of the band. If you get a chance to go see them live, and you can stand a loud, rowdy show, do go. Not for everyone, but if you’ve been feeling like most music is too crap commerical or just completely ballless, they’re the band for you.

& Yes, I’m proud to say that they’re a New York band; at least, they met & got their start here. The lead singer is from the Ukraine, there’s a couple of Russians in the band, the violist is from Israel, & they all met (legend or not) on Avenue B. They’re like the last genuine East Village/Loisaida export before gentrification wimped everything out.

Gogol Bordello

If anyone is up this late, one of my recent favorite bands, Gogol Bordello, is going to be on David Letterman. They’re something like gypsy punk. More after they’re on.

Trans Partners Drop In Group

We meet tomorrow, August 1st, at 7:30PM at the LGBT Center on 13th Street. If you’re a partner of a trans person, straight gay or otherwise, do come.

Trans Partner Advocacy

Recently on our message boards, the partner of someone who was transitioning posted about her very last day with her male husband. She was sad, she was mourning, and she was feeling both loss & resentment.

Sometimes the larger trans community seems to view feelings like that as anti-trans; that a partner isn’t throwing the big coming out party for her transitioning companion is seen as less than enthusiastic, and the difficult feelings are interpreted as saying ‘trans is bad.’

But the thing is, it’s part of the gig. There’s a lot of change involved in transition, which every trans person with half a brain admits. I mean, that’s the point. Change is a difficult thing for most people – all people, really – and it is stressful even when the change is a good thing, like getting a better job or getting married or having a baby that you’ve long wanted.

But to miss the old, worse job, or thinking fondly about the time when you were single or childfree, doesn’t mean you don’t want the new change in your life. You do. But you can’t just tell your mind not to think about how it once was, either.

& Sometimes I think that’s what’s expected of partners, that we never have a time to say, “I did love him as a man.” We can’t admit that we liked the cocky or shy guy we first fell in love with, & the partners of FTMs aren’t supposed to mourn the loss of breasts and smooth cheeks that they loved to touch.

But the thing is, as any trans person should know, repressing a feeling of loss or sadness is really bad all around; repression poisons the groundwater, in effect, and everyone feels it. So while I don’t advise partners make themselves miserable longing for the past (just as I wouldn’t advise trans people to think the future will definitely be rosy simply because they’ll transition), expressing the more difficult feelings associated with transition is healthier, in my opinion, in the long run. Not easy to hear as the trans person, for sure, but from what I hear from same trans people, they too may need some time to mourn the loss of their own former self.

Good News

After Avalon was bought by Perseus and Perseus eliminated the Thunder’s Mouth Press imprint altogether, I was wondering – and worried – as to what would happen to My Husband Betty, since it was published by Thunder’s Mouth. Lo & behold, I got the news that MHB is going to be moved to Seal Press, who published She’s Not the Man I Married.

I’m very pleased, since MHB has continued selling – not in giant ways, but more like The Little Engine that Could. But more than that, I feel like I have a home as a writer (& from what they tell me, the folks at Seal feel similarly.)