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Trans Partner Support Column

I was interviewed not long ago by Amanda Waldroupe as she was writing a column for just|out of Portland (OR) about the way in which partners of trans people need support and get or don’t get it.

While numerous resources exist for transgendered people during their transition, there is a dearth, both in Portland and nationally, for their partners—who go through their own emotional and sexual travails during the experience.

Reid Vanderburgh, a local transgender therapist, says partners can have a tough time throughout the transition process, even if they support their partner.

As far as I know, it’s the first column I’ve ever read about support groups for us partners – but maybe I missed one. Thanks to Ms. Waldroupe not just for writing the column, but for quoting me accurately.

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Remember We’re Living 2009

As many people probably already know, I’ve never been thrilled with the idea of Transgender Day of Remembrance as the public face of the trans community. It’s just a little too “bring out your dead” for me. That doesn’t mean the too violent deaths of trans people every year doesn’t sicken and anger me – it does, maybe too much. I hate that we – trans people & those who love them – live so often in fear, and fear for just our bodily safety.

(& Before anyone gets up my ass about my use of the word “we” please look at the deaths of Taysia Elzy and Michael Green – Taysia was trans, & Michael was her boyfriend, & they were both murdered. About 1:12 on the video I posted yesterday.)

I suggested many moons ago that we also have a “Remember We’re Living” Day of Trans Pride / Celebration, where we recount the successes and victories and loves and kindnesses we’ve experienced. I’ve been really happy to see the week before TDOR has become Transgender Awareness Week in a lot of places, even if it still ends with our deaths. Maybe we could start the week with our deaths instead, so that we can end on an optimistic note? Anyway: this year, I’d like to recognize a close friend’s accomplishments because she recently got tenure for the 2nd time, and is well-respected within her field and by her students. I’d also like to recognize a close friend who, despite numerous health risks and problems, survived and is thriving after her surgery. My own lovely partner got a job she’s quite happy doing. A lovely woman on our boards was recently asked by her parents for a new photo of her for their mantle. Another person on our boards came out to her kids not long ago and did so with grace and aplomb. There are so many of these cool things that happen to trans people, and because of trans people, every single day & every single year.

It is the conviction to live your life as you need to – and the remarkable grace under fire – demonstrated by trans people that inspires those of us who are not trans. Every single day passes where someone, somewhere, notices that they are living their own life of quiet desperation, or are otherwise living quietly and without rocking anyone’s boat in ways that feel wrong. But when that person – or any person – meets a trans person who lives truthfully and with love and humor and loss, it is hard for them to ignore the unbelievable beauty & fortitude you all emanate.

So for that, thank you.

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Call for ENDA

Tomorrow, Congress needs to hear from us very clearly about why LGBT people need protection from the widespread discrimination that we continue to face in the workplace. In the Transgender Discrimination Survey we conducted with The Task Force, we found that 97% of the respondents had been harassed or mistreated on the job and 26% had been fired. This cannot continue. Taking action to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) is a critical step in making it the law of the land that this kind of discrimination must never be tolerated. We need you to work with us to pass ENDA now and ban discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in the workplace.

NCTE is participating with a wide range of civil rights groups in the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights call in days in support of ENDA. Our day to call is Wednesday, November 18. We hope you’ll be a part of this important effort and you’ll encourage your friends to call. We need your voice to be heard on Capitol Hill as you tell your lawmakers to pass ENDA now!

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From NCTE: Act on ENDA

From NCTE:

“Now is the time that we must take action for ENDA! Whether you have never contacted your members of Congress or if you are a frequent visitor in their offices, we need you to call this week if this bill is to pass.”
-Mara Keisling

NCTE is participating with a wide range of other LGBT groups in the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights call in days in support of ENDA.

Our day to call is Wednesday, November 18. We hope you’ll be a part of this important effort and you’ll encourage your friends to call.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Next Wednesday, Nov. 18, or whenever is convenient for you, call the Capitol Switchboard at 202.224.3121 and ask to speak to your Representative (have your zip code handy and they’ll help identify your member of Congress).

When you are connected with your Representative’s office, give your name and your city and then let them know:
I am calling in support of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (H. R. 3017/S. 1584), which will protect lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people from job discrimination. No one deserves to be fired from their job because of who they are. Please vote yes for ENDA.

Today, Chairman George Miller (D-CA) of the House Committee on Education and Labor announced that the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) will take its next steps when the committee marks up the bill next Wednesday, November 18; this is one of the final steps that precedes a vote by the full House. House leadership is optimistic about the bill that would ban from the workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, although they stress the importance that advocacy efforts for ENDA remain strong. Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) is the principle sponsor of the bill, joined by 189 co-sponsors, and along with Rep. Tammy Baldwin (D-WI) and Rep. Jared Polis (D-CO) has been a strong champion of this legislation.

The Senate is also considering the bill and held a hearing in committee last week on the matter. Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-WA) is the lead sponsor and strong advocate for the measure. When asked at a press conference last week whether there was any chance that gender identity would be stripped out of the bill, he answered simply, “No.”

Continue reading “From NCTE: Act on ENDA”

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Transgender Narrative

Every once in a great while, someone sends me some writing they want me to read. Most of the time I can’t feel the person behind the voice, or, in writer’s parlance, I can’t hear the author’s voice.

But this piece was different, & so I gave the author what feedback I could, & he contacted me again recently because the essay was selected as a finalist in Narrative Magazine’s first-person writing contest and recently published by Fourth Genre: Explorations in Nonfiction, a literary journal specializing in creative nonfiction published by Michigan State University. You can read it online here (.pdf).

My congratulations to David Torrey Peters: keep writing.

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Coming Out to Kids as Trans

I was asked recently for resources for trans people with children. Honestly, there’s never very much, but here’s the list I sent her:

If anyone has any newer resources I haven’t yet seen, please do add them!

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Trans Families Needed to Take LGBT Families Survey

I know the lovely group of people doing this research, and can personally recommend them, so please, trans families with children, take their survey. We complain all the time that the T is left out of LGBT studies, & these folks are making sure we’re part of it this time.

Here’s how they explain it:

Our online survey explores the ways in which LGBT parents and their children manage social policies and pressures within their communities. The survey is kind of long—it may take you an hour to complete. However, we want to learn about each family’s perspectives, experiences, and opinions. Parents are asked questions about topics such as attitudes in your community, parenting and family relationships, social pressures and sources of support, as well as questions regarding your child(ren). Children are also welcomed to participate in our study.

At this point, over 150 LGBT families from 24 states have participated, but we want to hear more voices and perspectives. So far, we only have small numbers of gay dads and trans-parents–we need your help! We want families from ALL backgrounds: economic, ethnic, spiritual, and disabled diverse families. With your help, we hope to better understand challenges facing LGBT families and promote social policies that support all families.

If you would like to participate or to learn more about us, please check out our website: www.lgbtparents.org

If you have questions, ideas, or comments please feel free to email Beth Haines (hainesb@lawrence.edu ) or Julie Konik (konikj@lawrence.edu).

Thanks again for your help!

Warmly,
Beth Haines, Julie Konik, and Siobhan Brooks
Sarah Bruemmer and Erin Henzi

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For Veterans’ Day, Equality Please

This message just came in from AVER (American Veterans for Equal Rights) and TAVA (Transgender American Veterans’ Association):

American Veterans For Equal Rights president Danny Ingram and Transgender American Veterans Association president Monica Helms have made a joint YouTube video appeal to President Obama and Congress to Lift the Ban on LGBT military service by repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

On this Veterans’ Day, as President Obama considers sending more patriotic American troops to Afghanistan, AVER and TAVA remind the President of his campaign promise to repeal DADT.

Go to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QkRcAcya30

Send the link to others and your Congressional reps.

Danny Ingram
President AVER

Monica Helms
President TAVA

Thank you, veterans, for your service.