So it turns out Betty and I scratched the Seven Year Itch, as today is our 8th anniversary of meeting. And since we were practically married on the 1st date – or at least knew we were fated to be together, or something like that – it’s *really* our anniversary, though why not celebrate both? (The other is the day of our wedding, and not the day of our legal marriage, which was the day before our wedding in a no-frills ceremony at Brooklyn City Hall. So we really have three anniversaries, but this is getting ridiculous now.)
To us! To trans couples! To another 80 years (at least, if the marvels of medical technology keep up). To my beautiful, sexy girlfriend and my delicious husband!
(In a week in a half it’ll be 8 years since I first met Betty, too. When she was “Betty,” I mean.)
Another Pole
I just found out (thanks to PBS’ New York Voices) that Maurice Sendak is Polish. The “Wild Things” were based on his relatives, who he described as ‘speaking Yiddish with Polish accents.’ I knew they seemed familiar (though my relatives didn’t speak Yiddish, just English with a Polish accent).
So there’s me, and Maurice Sendak, and PJP II, and Andy Warhol. And Chopin.
Need a Title
I’m at that point that I need a title for the next book, and my choice – Boy Meets Girl – has been ixnayed by the powers that be.
So I’ve set up a poll for title ideas that have been kicked around, so do come vote – but also feel free to post one of your own!
Five Questions With… Holly Boswell
Holly Boswell helped launch the transgender movement with her groundbreaking essay “The Transgender Alternative” in 1990. S/he has been the chief architect of Southern Comfort‘s programs since 1991, and is a regular presenter at several conferences. In 1986 s/he co-founded the Phoenix Trans Support group in Asheville, NC, in ’93 founded the alternative Trans-Spiritual community known as Kindred Spirits, hosts the Bodhi Tree House, and directs the Traveling Medicine Show.
1) Recently our message boards have been discussing the way “transgender” seems to be coming to mean – in the popular/media usage – “transsexual.” As someone who self-identifies as a transgenderist, how do you feel about this new usage?
I reject the usage you describe of the term “transgender” as coming to mean “transsexual” — if indeed that is really happening. That is totally erroneous. “Trans” means to cross: either vestments, gender, or biological sex. All of these categories cross the lines of gender, which is why the word “transgender” has come to be an umbrella term for the entire Trans Community, such as it is gradually formulating itself out of its own amazing diversity. Transsexuality comprises only a small (perhaps 10%) segment of the overall Trans Community, and yet it receives the lion’s share of attention because it is so dramatic and sensational. Please, let us respect our terminologies, as well as the roots of our word meanings, so that we can continue to make sense out of our own personally complex equations, without abandoning our ability to communicate our truth to mainstream culture through a common language.
Continue reading “Five Questions With… Holly Boswell”
^ Random Photos
Just for fun, I decided to make the photo box in the letterhead above random, so now, every time you come to the blog, you’ll see a different photo.
It seemed a trans imperative, since I otherwise don’t have a “photos” page on this website.
Someone Needs to Make Porn Like This
A beautiful Campari commercial.
Betty looks like the woman, but I’ve got a few more pounds to lose and a lot more hair to grow, and you know – I’m still not going to look like her. But I aspire to. (Okay, I just checked the model’s stats, and I’d have to grow a few inches, lose more chest, waist and hips, and probably 50 more pounds. But I can dream. Or alternately, I can just be a shorter, slightly curvier version.)
(Thanks Marlena for finding it, and VeronicaMoonlit for finding her name.)
More Writing Life…
… and then there’s that other issue with writing, and that’s being friends with other writers. I had a writing professor who used to say that he preferred friendships with painters. Because when your painter friend asked you to see his new work, you could spend an hour, and go. But with writer friends, you have to read the whole book, and you have to say something intelligent about it, not just in general, but with some detail, to prove you read it and that you were paying attention at the time.
On top of that, they often have questions: Did that metaphor at the beginning of Chapter 3 work for you? Do you think most people know what Borg means, or do I just know a lot of geeks? Do you think I need to footnote who Dagny Taggart was?*
Annoyances, the lot of ’em.
Thanks to my friends, who for all these years have answered my annoying questions, and read drafts of mss., and second drafts, and then even finals, to see if I made it not suck in the end.
* Coming soon, to a theatre near you.
Need a CD's Wife, asap!
I’ve been contacted by a national women’s magazine for a wife of a crossdresser. The hitch is that you can’t use a pseudonym & they do want a photo.
They also want it all by Wednesday at noon.
The article is going to focus on how women make decisions – in this case, how a woman might decide to stay with her crossdressing husband.
& Obviously I would do it but for another hitch: they want someone who hasn’t told their story before.
So if there’s someone out there who’s just dying to break out of the closet, do let me know asap & I’ll put you in touch.
The Writing Life
When I’ve gotten into a fight with my siblings over money, or sometimes just in casual conversations, someone who has never written a book will mention that they could. Or should. Or would. Or something.
And I always want to say, “I’m sure you could, but you haven’t.” I’m not talking about getting published – that’s business – I’m talking about having an idea for a book and sitting down and writing it.
One of the things a lot of writers will agree with me on (I think) is that so much of writing is about not doing anything. I often joke with Betty that my personality is much better suited to be putting caps on bottles; I’d leave work satisfied every day that I’d done my job. Or maybe overseeing batches of wedding invitations printed and beribboned and mailed. I like projects like that; they’re very satisfying to my anal retentive self.
But writing is so not satisfying. First of all, it looks to most people like you don’t DO anything. Betty, for instance, has learned not to interrupt me when I’m staring at the wall, because it means the writer thing is happening somewhere in the recesses of my brain, and I have to keep still to channel the message, as it were. Or to translate it. Or whatever that process is.
The reason I think most people don’t write books – even when they intend to – is that you don’t feel like you’re doing anything when you’re writing. You feel like you’re talking to yourself, mostly. If you can address the issue of why on earth anyone cares what you think – that is, if you’ve got a big enough ego to just slide right by that one – then the next question is why you’d put so much time into something that people consume so quickly.
I’m not going to divide what I made on MHB for the two years I wrote, reviewed, and promoted it. I’m not. & I’m definitely not going to think about what that ends up in hourly wages.
Which would be the other reason practical types like my brother never sit down & write that book they know they could write.
Right. Back to bottlecaps.
IFGE
I’m not sure I can even express what a good time I had at IFGE this year. It was one of my favorite conferences the first time around, & I’m very glad I got to go back – even if it had to be without Betty.
My first night in, hanging at Players’ bar, I had a tentative older man ask me if I was Ms. Boyd, and then whether or not I would hang around long enough for him to go get books for me to sign. I said yes, of course, and when he came back down he was so full of compliments and thanks I was nearly embarrassed – and he said it all while Meredith Bacon was sitting next to me, catching up. She looks great, very French academic, imho, with her banged bob. Ironically, five minutes later someone else came up to me & told me that the section I wrote about her was “dead wrong” which prompted someone within earshot to say, “so I get the feeling people either love you or hate you,” and I have to admit, that seems awfully true.
I have to thank both Kristine and Alison for organizing such a great conference, and for being so welcoming. Kristine especially has a certain wryness about her when she’s observing a room and its goings-on that I love.
At IFGE, this is the way it goes: you see Richard Docter across the room and want to go say hello, and then you notice Dallas Denny sitting on a couch nearby, and then realize that the two people Dr. Docter is talking to are Nancy Nangeroni and Gordene Mackenzie (the latter of whom won a Virginia Prince award, & who is one of the loveliest people you could hope to meet). For me, it’s just remarkable, and any conversation I have is one I’d otherwise mull over, except they come at you so fast you almost can’t keep up. Two academics (one was Richard Docter) told me students love MHB and really engage with it, which makes me endlessly happy, because I don’t think people should need to read theory to think intensely and creatively about gender.
I met a bunch of people for the first time: the flirtatious (and fearless leader of Trans Veterans), Monica Helms. Dottie Berry, albeit briefly. Gordene Mackenzie, with whom I had one of the best conversations I’ve had in forever, and who was so wonderfully sweet and supportive about my writing and my work. She in turn introduced me to the legendary Phyllis Frye, who has one hell of a sense of humor and this downhome way of talking that charmed my socks off.
I got to meet and chat with Alice Novic, after some misunderstandings between us; I’d only ever met her in guy mode and she is a looker, hands down. (She’s definitely one of those crossdressers who make the whole ‘transsexuals pass and crossdressers don’t’ bullshit, bullshit.) Rachel Goldberg – who is on the board of GenderPac and who came in for a last-minute assist at this year’s Trans Issues Week at Yale for me – smiled & said hi a few times and yes, she’s beautiful, too. (As I mentioned earlier, I was noticing every beautiful dark-haired tranny who walked by, since I was sans Betty and had no idea what to do with my urge to flirt. I always have to be careful, since I think I’d have a taker or two if I weren’t.)
I had a great catch-up with Holly Boswell, who is just – I’m not sure I can explain the aura of sweetness and light that Holly radiates, and her hair, her hair! I’m always envious.
Mara Keisling is Mara Keisling, and she is one of the funniest most charming people ever, and it’s a really good feeling to know she’s on our side! I was envying a suit she wore, too, though she’s sworn she’s going to be femme this year…
Mariette Pathy Allen is ever-present, with camera, flitting, introducing. She’s the one who introduced me to Monica Helms.
I was a panelist for Mona Rae Mason‘s workshop on Defining Our Community, which we did not, in fact, define. I annoyed some people & pleased others with suggesting we maybe get on with things instead of spending another 10 years defining our terms.
I intended to see Sandra Cole and didn’t, pah.
I got to bug numerous people about returning my Five Questions With… interviews, and you all can consider this another reminder!
I got to hang out with Lore, a transman I recently met here in NYC, and met Alan, a 21 year old transman from Berkeley who is on the IFGE board. As Michelle pointed out to me during lunch, I had gathered the butchest table at the luncheon. I’m still processing a lot of my feelings about my own gender, but it’s always a relief for me to be around the FTM set.
My own workshop went well – thanks Lore for the loan of the watch – and I was absolutely tickled that the remarkable Hawk Stone showed up for it – especially because he’s seen me speak before and came back for more! He’s a good nodder, exactly what you want as a speaker to know if you’re making any sense.
Thanks to all the fantastic partners who came, and said hello, and who are trying to make this work – especially the woman who said hello to me after my workshop and who is with her partner post-transition – and that after 30 years of marriage. She said some lovely, reassuring things to me about Betty’s possible transition, along the lines of “I didn’t expect to be able to do this either.”
Mostly I’m just overwhelmed with the humor and grace of the trans community. The flirts, the heavy hearts, the activists, the educators – it’s such a beautiful diversity of people, and that we all get along at all is remarkable. I spoke with an emerging transwoman about her possible transition and her own “Hobson’s Choice” as she dearly loves her wife of 24 years, and was there under the strain of an ultimatum.
It was sad to leave when I had to; I felt like I’d invited a bunch of people to a great party & then once they all got there, I left. More & more people were showing up as the weekend approached, & I’m sure tons more showed up Friday night & into Saturday.
& I haven’t even touched on all the new thoughts I had about my own gender, Betty’s gender, and gender in general. But then I have to get back to writing, so I’ve got a nice jumping off point to do so.