Tonight the cable channel WE (Womens Entertainment Network) showed an episode of their regular show Secret Lives of Women – an episode about women who are married to crossdressers. I was interviewed for the show but we decided Betty and I were too “out” to really be classified as “secret” anymore. I was happy to hear that Peggy Rudd would be on, instead.
That said, the show did recommend My Husband Betty (along with Peggy’s books) as further reading. But, it looks like something has gone haywire, since the amazon.com links for My Husband Betty and for Peggy’s books are super-wonky.
If anyone who saw the show found this site as a result, you can still get My Husband Betty at Barnes & Noble online, or at Powells.com, another online bookstore, and I’m sure amazon.com will figure it out shortly.
If you did come here as a result of the show, do look around. There’s a selection of things I’ve written for the blog about relationships vis a vis crossdressing/trans issues, and of course there is a forum just for partners on our message boards.
Not Barbie, Skipper
Lisa Hix wrote a nice rant about having an A cup for the SF Chronicle in response to hearing a show where a plastic surgeon waxed enthusiastically about implants. She points out that there are in fact health risks (including possibilities of hematoma, infection, deformity, toxic shock syndrome, plus the usual risks of anesthesia, the chance of losing sensation, decreasing the likeliness of breast cancer detection or the inability to nurse) but moreso points out that having an A cup is having a breast, and tires of the kind of talk that somehow equates A cups with not having breasts at all.
As a former A cup, I can tesitfy that you do in fact have breasts when you have A cups. I really enjoyed having A cups. I miss them.
I’ve found my recent re-sizing something to think about. For starters, I’ve been finding it harder to find nice bras now that i’m a D cup, much as I had a hard time finding ones when I was an A cup. The difference is that with a D, you absolutely do not want to compromise on support – in fact, you can’t. But I also had a moment of revelation while reading the beginning of Gerrie Lim’s book about the porn industry, which had more than one reference to pendulous D cups within 10 pages, and so caused me to think, “Huh, who knew? I’ve got pornstar-sized breasts now,” but the idea didn’t thrill me; I took it more like I would someone telling me I had the perfect size foot for shoe fetishists. Basically, I don’t care, because they don’t do me any good. It might have mattered some when I was 25 and single, but I’m not sure I would have cared then, either. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy them; I do. But I’d enjoy them more if I could take them off when I want to go to the hardware store or the grocery or to do other errands, all those times when I don’t want to be looked at. Not wanting your breasts stared at by every guy on the streets is exactly why you can’t sacrifice support at this size: if you do, they bounce more, which is not really what you want unless – ba rum bump! – you’re a porn star.
I find myself wearing a sports bra most days now, actually. Mostly I’ve realized that I’m glad I don’t get to choose, since both sizes have pros and cons, and the only real advantage resides in being one of those grow-up dolls that enabled me to change sizes with a quick, full rotation of one arm.
Breaking the Glass Ceiling
A new study shows why it’s important for women to break the glass ceiling and get themselves into senior management positions. Not that this is a huge shock to anyone who’s a feminist, but it’s nice to have the evidence to back it up.
Please Donate
If you can, please donate to help us keep doing what we do. Thanks to all of you who have contributed in the past.
The King Retires
The boards are back up.
However, during this last tech ‘vacation’ from the boards I’ve realized that I’m just burnt out on moderating them. Although I’m putting them back up, I won’t be as actively involved in running them anymore. Mostly I will be posting on my blog, instead. I am inviting a few new people to become moderators, as well.
I will still be in the background, of course, and would love it if people would flag me when things get difficult. That is, if you want the boards to continue to be interesting & intelligent, do remember to let me know when something has gone a little ‘funny’ so that I can intervene before too many feelings are hurt.
Otherwise, thank you all for participating, and enjoy them!
Speaking at Purdue
I’m excited to announce that I’m going to be speaking at Purdue University @ Calumet this coming October 27th. The talk will be about ‘Trans Identities and Cultural Politics’ and is part of an ongoing Diversity Advocacy series they’ve been doing. There’s more information on their website, but I do hope those of you who are anything close to Indiana will be able to make it! I’d love to see some familiar faces, of course.
I’m planning on traveling through Chicago, of course, so if there’s a group in/near the city that’d like to have me come speak, let me know.
3rd Preview of She's Not the Man I Married
Chapters have indeed been switched as I expected they might be. This excerpt is from what used to be Chapter 3: Confessions of a Grown-Up Tomboy (but is now Chapter 2: Confessions of a Grown-Up Tomboy. Chapters 2 & 3 switched places.)
My experiences with Betty trying to figure out what exactly she’s after in wanting to be a woman is completely confounding for both of us. I feel like someone who lives in a rainforest who’s trying to understand why Eskimos have a few dozen words for ice and snow. I once found myself trying to explain to a Burmese monk how cold it would be in Tibet, where he was going on a short visit. It’s very difficult to explain how cold snow is to someone who feels chilled in 70 degree weather; he didn’t understand how a human being could physically survive being that cold, though by the end of the conversation I had convinced him he couldn’t wear sandals and should bring every article of clothing he owned. My sense of gender is similar to that monk’s sense of cold: they tell me I should wear these kinds of shoes, and these kinds of clothes, and I might not ever like it, and in the end the idea of it will probably be more fascinating than the reality.
Boards are Down
Due to circumstances beyond our control, the boards are down. It may be a while. We’ll get them back up when we can. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Book Meme
Well, Caprice tagged me, so here are my bookish answers:
1. One book that changed your life? The Diamond in the Window, by Jane Langton. It’s a pre-teen book, maybe YA (Young Adult) about two poor kids who live in a crazy house in Concord, Massachusetts, and whose aunt gives piano lessons to awful children while the banker is always trying to repossess. But the story is about a poem the kids find which is a transcendental dream poem, and leads them through a series of dreams. There’s one about mirrors that shaped how I thought about my own life and choices.
2. One book you have read more than once? The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. Yes, I do read books about grown-ups, but they’re not the ones with the deepest meanings to me. I re-read Narnia every few years, as a kind of refresher course.
3. One book you would want on a desert island? Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo. It’s a good combination of simple and complex that would keep me occupied. (Favorite story: went into a bookstore for a copy and couldn’t find it, asked the staff. Staff person says, “Oh you mean Les Mis, like the musical?” Oy.)
4. One book that made you laugh? Butch Is A Noun, forthcoming from S. Bear Bergman. There are bits in it that made me laugh out loud on the subway, & Betty even let me read it to her outloud some, which is pretty much verboten when it comes to gender books. Though sometimes I read Judith Butler outloud to make her laugh, but in a very different way.
5. One book that made you cry? More kids books, but more recent: His Dark Materials. The scene where she is separated from her familiar is almost too painful.
6. One book you wish had been written? I have to do this one historically, because otherwise I think, “Well if you’d like to see a book written, write it!” So, instead, The New Academia Series: Volume I: Accessible Prose (published c. 1982 or so).
7. One book you wish had never been written? Get your sticks and stones, kids: The Bible.
8. One book you are currently reading? Betty gave me a copy of a book called Dragon Wing and so far it’s entertaining. It’s certainly a nice break from the umpteen gender books I was reading as research.
9. One book you have been meaning to read? A book called The Trouser People, about Burma.
10. Now tag five people: JW, Maurice, Kathy, Donna, and John R. If any of them actually get back to me, I’ll post them here. (But feel free to use the comments section, folks! That’s what it’s there for!)
"Having Boobs Sucks."
I never expected my quote of the day to come from South Park, but there you go: Having boobs sucks.
It was the single funniest South Park I’ve ever seen. That it happened to completely explain sexism made it even funnier. If I taught Sex Ed in high school, I’d show it to my classes.
Short version: a girl named Bebe, who’s in the the South Park class starts to develop breasts. Boys go wonky and can’t figure out why Bebe seems so cool all of a sudden & they never noticed it before. Other girls start to call her a slut, simultaneously. Bebe hates new attention, asks mom about it, who encourages her to use her breasts as power. Bebe asks mother, “Mom, what’s 6 x 8?” Mom replies, “Honey, 6 and 8 are two different numbers.” (It’s somewhere in here she says, “Having boobs sucks.”) Later, after boys have
become neanderthal, beating each other up and mumbling about tatas, Bebe – after failing to convince a plastic surgeon to give her breast reduction surgery – comes to school wearing a box. Boys behave normally, can’t figure out why she doesn’t seem so cool anymore. School guidance counselor explains the power breasts have over male minds. Jealous girl shows up with new implanted breasts; boys mock her in order to regain control over breast mastery of their brains.
(Though the show where some kids from NYC call the South Park kids “queefs” and the SP kids don’t know what it means was pretty hysterical, too. Really, I’m very ashamed of myself.)
* the picture on top is Betty as an SP character, and the other one is me, as same. Make yourself into a SP character at SP Studios.