It really doesn’t get much better than that, does it?
May 19
Today would have been my dad’s 85th birthday. He used to joke, whenever someone complained about getting older, that the only other option was worse. He never really did complain about getting older himself and didn’t talk much about aches and pains. He was just kind of angry when he didn’t feel well, which is maybe an odd reaction, but it does bring some relief that he didn’t suffer for very long and didn’t have a long, drawn-out illness. He would have been pretty miserable with that kind of thing.
But. Still.
Sons of Tennessee Williams
This looks great.
Queens all over the country were the ones who got the crossdressing laws off the books.
The Blame Game
I wrote this recently in response to a question, or an assertion, that nobody chooses to be born trans, but that often, the advice is that you can choose what to do about it. My wife says that a lot, and it makes some trans people unhappy. The way she puts it: you got a shit hand, but you still get to decide how to play it.
Whether or not to transition itself is a choice is an idea I will leave for another day. But here, in a nutshell, are some basic tenets I hope are useful.
does it matter why?
i don’t know what trans is – genetic, medical condition, etc.
no one makes any distinction between nature/nurture anymore. nature is what? DNA? as in, something made out of protein that is created within a physical environment which is impacted by all our culture. just forget it. that binary is over, done with.
are people trans?
yes.
do they need to transition?
yes.
should they own their shit & do so as responsibly as possible?
yes.
should cis people start to fucking understand transness is not going anywhere, that it IS, in the same way that, say, queerness IS?
yes.
if you got married & you’re trans & you’re going to transition you’re going to wreck your wife’s life, pretty much. own it. minimize the damage however you can.
your life was already wrecked by transphobia and represssion and who knows what else.
your transition will give you the chance to change in a way that you’re looking forward to. your wife may, in turn, change her life into something she wants, too, but in either case, you will both experience a great deal of loss. none of it is fair, not a damn thing about it, & not for anyone.
but stop, STOP, making it all about you. if there is anything i say to trans people all the time that none of you listen to – & that includes my lovely spouse – that is it.
as she likes to say: trans people make Narcissus weep.
Jennifer Finney Boylan is Stuck in the Middle with You
Here she is on the Today show, giving a great interview.
Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Just watch.
The new book is called Stuck in the Middle with You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders.
OMW: Seattle
For the very first time, I’m going to Seattle! Today’s a travel day, so I may not get emails and the like until I’m back on terra firma.
Feminist Porn?
The Feminist Porn Book is out. Here’s one of my favorite excerpts, by none other than the amazing Nina Hartley, which I’ve gone and excerpted:
Actress Cornelia Otis Skinner said, Woman’s virtue is man’s greatest invention. That phrase is both true and telling: everyday men and women both carry the heavy load and pay the cost for this retrograde notion of virtue. Female sexual agency remains a contentious subject that sparks fierce debate and displays of moral outrage, bigotry, and murderous violence. Our culture continues to punish women for their sexuality, from woman-on-woman slut shaming, to continuing attempts by local, state, and federal government agencies to limit access to effective family planning. Our country’s honor killings–ranging from the murder of abortion providers to the killing of a partner in a fit of jealous If-I-cant-have-you-then-nobody-can-have-you! rage–are almost always connected to women’s sexual autonomy and/or health.
I love Nina Hartley.
Two Tune Tuesday: New(ish & Old) Bowie
I know it’s been out for a while, but as many of you may know, I’m not a huge Bowie fan. Totally respect the dude, & know that many of my heroes would have been impossible without him, but he’s never quite pulled me in.
But this new video is pretty damned amazing. Bowie as himself, Tilda Swinton as his wife; Andrej Peyjic, Saskia DeBrauw as the genderfuck stars, and Iselin Stero as Bowie the Younger.
(My first thought on seeing it was: hey, that’s kind of our life in Appleton. Kidding. Mostly.)
Enjoy the genderfuck.
MN’s Birthday Present
Cool Mom
Cool photographer and mom Jaime Moore wasn’t pleased with the “princess makeovers” to be found all over the internets. She wanted to do something that would give her daughter power, pride, and agency, instead of, say, transforming her daughter into a sycophantic dependent. Nutty. So here’s what she came up with instead.
There are other portaits, with her daughter as Jane Goodall, Amelia Earheart, Coco Chanel, and of course, Susan B. Anthony.