Year: 2005

Rhea Daniels is a married TG person with a supportive and active spouse. Out and active again in the past few years after a hiatus of some time, she founded Rhea’s Cafe, an open and welcoming trans discussion group held in the Albany, New York area. She founded Rhea’s Cafe as a group that will welcome all because she is a true believer that we can all figure out a way to get along. She was also the primary organizer of my recent appearance in Albany.
1. Rhea’s Cafe is a nice group – how did you decide to start it? Do you have rules or guidelines, or are you making it up as you go?
I really wanted to make a contribution, to help build community and help initiate a new “shared vision” for what that community could be. Our local ‘T” umbrella organization had foundered after a few years of strife. A few smaller groups remained but there appeared to be a lot of mistrust. I had been away from the community for several years and it was a real eye opener that much of what I had assumed would be there when I wanted to come back wasn’t around anymore.
After giving it some thought and talking to many trans people I came up with the “Cafe concept”. The underlying premise was that transgender people from differing points of the trans continuum could get together share experiences, respect each other, and work towards common goals .I wanted to foster an environment that debunked the assumption that CD’s and TS’s, and everyone else in between, couldn’t get along.
Rhea’s Cafe is a trans discussion group that meets monthly and is welcoming of trans and gender variant people at any point of the continuum, of any sexual orientation or lifestyle, their families, friends, and supporters.I do have experience working with people in groups and utilized a structured discussion format of about 75 minutes followed by an equal amount of informal “social” or “support” talk
I set up a few simple rules which have served us well.

• The first is a statement that we are not a support group per se but a discussion group. I think this helps to temper everyone’s expectations and avoid the trap of trying to provide support to everyone who comes in the door. The funny thing is that most folks do get support in the group too, but primarily it is a safe place, which welcomes and respects everyone who participates.
• There is no set agenda or guest who dictates the agenda. I respect the issues that each participant brings to the group and each of them contributes to the topics we discuss each month. Special guests do attend, and they may bring specific information to be shared , but they don’t dominate the entire discussion.
• The expectation that everyone treats each other with respect.
• I act as the moderator who can steer discussions or arbitrate disputes, which rarely occur.
• Confidentiality is not required because this is a rule that I would be unable to enforce.
• No illegal drugs or alcohol on the premises.
• Changing space is provided for those who need it.
• Newbies and SO’s are always welcomed.

So those are the basic rules. There will be some modification or “making it up as I go along” because I think that every process must evolve. In some ways I’m just starting to scratch the surface with the Cafe concept.
I play with the Cafe concept a bit. As an example, We have had music performed at two recent Cafe’s. We have at least one acomplished trans musician who regularly attends the Cafe and another musician who is a friend.
What is exciting is that people are starting to work together both in and outside of the group and others are joining in a spirit of cooperation.
One of our regular members is planning on starting a group of her own utilizing the same principles in another community. It is exciting that the Cafe concept is spreading.
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