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CAN MONITORING DECLINING SPECIES BE DEPRESSING? Yes and no. I am fascinated by life, but I don’t enjoy seeing so much just slipping away. Every generation thinks that now is normal. It isn’t. But I’m glad I am the age… Continue Reading


I write memoir. Sometimes people ask me why I would publish such deeply personal things, and I never know how to answer that question. Because I can? Because I think shame is the single most limiting factor of our lives?… Continue Reading

Public Names & Private Lives

Interesting piece in the NYT by a porn star about the disctinction between public and private. She says some interesting things that reflect my own experience having a pen name very, very well. Maybe it would be easier to navigate… Continue Reading


So today’s my mom’s 84th birthday. I’m so happy she is still with us because there have been some real health concerns the past few years, moreso since my dad died. & I’ve decided, because she has often reminded me… Continue Reading

More on Dunn, & Racism, & Injustice

I posted the news of the verdict on Facebook and wound up writing about it off & on all night. As I explained to a friend, sometimes a particular case just reminds you of how lamentable a loss of life… Continue Reading

UnValentine: Another Note

Another note/update from the partner who was excluded from a women’s-only dance yesterday: UPDATE: It’s been quite an emotional roller coaster. I want to make a clarification: This is a private group of women holding a fundraiser. It is NOT… Continue Reading

Deep Dark Fears

more here. h/t io9.

Interview with Yours Truly

I haven’t done one of these in forever and a day, but here’s a brief interview with me by a very lovely crossdresser named Vivienne who asked me a bunch of questions. I answered most of them. Here are the… Continue Reading

Mental Illness Isn’t Cancer

I found this short reflection on the difference in experience for a family when first the mom/wife went through breast cancer, and later a daughter went through addiction treatment and recovery. Because of course, addition is an illness, as are… Continue Reading

Getting Thanks

I just wanted to say: there is rarely anything that makes me as happy as hearing a thank you from a reader, especially a wife or partner, for my books. It’s entirely humbling, but it is the kind of thing… Continue Reading

This Just In: Relationships Fail.

This is a pretty miraculous little article about relationships but moreso, about love, and about the limits of intimacy. It blew me away. She starts at a place that most people would consider pessimistic, but the older I get, and… Continue Reading


We happen to be fostering three kittens at the moment, all of them goofy, clumsy little ninjas, hungry and recently weaned. One orange, one grey, one tortico. And they have been amusing the hell out of me, like kittens always… Continue Reading

Adam Ant on Tour

There are only a few US dates left, and I am pleased as punch I got to see him in Milwaukee. He still has so much stage charisma it’s ridiculous, and he’s doing a ton of the old punk songs… Continue Reading

Becoming White

As per usual, a good post at Abagond about American whiteness: this article details the way ‘my people’ became white in America. I’m both Southern European (Italian) & Eastern European (Polish) and also German & a tiny, tiny little bit… Continue Reading

How (Not) To Be An Ally

My patience for snark is really, really low these days, but I still found some of the gems in “8 Ways Not To Be An “Ally”: A Non-Comprehensive List” pretty useful. But I’m still going to re-articulate them for those… Continue Reading

Minus Dad

I wanted to send my love out to all of you – which includes me – who don’t have a dad to celebrate this year. Some days, Facebook just feels like a plague of shitty, happy people. Still, I will… Continue Reading

May 19

Today would have been my dad’s 85th birthday. He used to joke, whenever someone complained about getting older, that the only other option was worse. He never really did complain about getting older himself and didn’t talk much about aches… Continue Reading

May 3: Would Have Been

It would have been my parents’ 61th wedding anniversary today. And just in time, I discovered this word: Ya’aburnee(Arabic): “You bury me.” It’s a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person, because of how difficult it would… Continue Reading

Last Night Right Now

I was pleased to get to speak to Senator Tammy Baldwin for a brief minute last night – in a gender-neutral bathroom, no less – who gave me a thumbs up when I mentioned that I taught gender studies. That… Continue Reading