Love & Shame & Having a Thing for Trans Women

Here’s a great interview with the amazing Laverne Cox and Janet Mock about Mister Cee – who was caught soliciting a trans female – that he loves women, dates women, but occasionally desires fellatio with a “transsexual” – that is, a trans woman.

What’s fascinating is how many people think he’s “just gay” and needs to come out.

Liking fellatio – and he’s unclear if he’s interested in a trans woman blowing him or blowing a woman who still has a penis – doesn’t make someone gay.

Liking men, as a man, makes someone gay (if anything does).

Men who like trans women are straight. Maybe adventurous. Maybe they like penises and women.

They said there is no language for someone who loves trans people, but in fact the term “trans amorous” – “trans am” for short – has been around quite a lot. They’re called trans admirers sometimes, or “transsensual” (which is used more on the FTM end of things).

THAT SAID: plenty of men who date trans women are straight men. Period. End of statement.

Janet Mock talks more about shame and gender policing in her article which is, as per usual, right on.

A very, very long time ago I asked trans admirers to step up.

I’m still waiting.

Helen Boyd

is the author of My Husband Betty and She's Not the Man I Married.


  1. Well Helen,

    In some cases if you live in a small town and say “hey, I love a trans woman” everyone will realize that “BOB” (who they know you love, ie. maybe BOB is your spouse) is a trans woman and “BOB” will be outed and lose “his” job.

    I’m sure there are a lot of wives & girlfriends in that position, I mean in the case of trans women who live publicly as men and as women only in the private sphere.

    But we are here & proud of our wise, lovely, smart, kind women.


  2. elf, I’m talking primarily about the guys, who consume all the pre op trans female porn, etc.

    your situation is entirely different – you’re not out out of concern for your partner. they’re not out because they can’t admit they like trans women. very, very different gig.

  3. One of the reasons that I’m as stealthy as I am (besides the obvious living in Hicksville Western Australia) is the effect that ppl knowing I’m trans would have on my husband.

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