This is a really fascinating article written by a trans person and sent to me by one too, and it echoes a lot of the thought and sentiment of the MHB Boards over the years.
But it’s true that, before I said it, I carefully mined my personal history for examples of how I was never really a girl. And when I presented my decision to transition to my friends and family, it was with the “always knew” narrative well rehearsed. In that, I’m like almost every other trans* person I’ve ever talked to about the coming out process.Why is “I always knew” the common narrative? Why do so many of us tell some version of that story even if it isn’t true?
and this:
Which brings me to a question I want to leave with you: Why are we, as transgender people, challenged by others to prove that we really are who we say we are? Why do we feel this reflexive need to prove our genders beyond a shadow of a doubt? Because when we find ourselves backed into the “I always knew” corner, we end up doing the same thing we did all those years we were trying to fit the gender we were assigned at birth: repressing an essential part of ourselves for fear it will betray us.
But of course I will add, as a cis ally, that hey, trans people: forgive yourself for wanting stuff to not suck sometimes and so doing what needs to be done to get your transition to happen. Honestly, it’s the rest of us who are inconsistent assholes for not just being cool with it.
But either way, Zach McCallum: well done.
This sounds great. I’ll give it a read tomorrow; I relate immediately.
This is what I was getting at in my post on Dan Gilbert and the value of finality. It’s good to hear it from someone who’s transitioned.
But honestly, it makes me want to cry when I see this guy bending over backwards to be inclusive of everyone – childhood transitioners, early transitioners, late transitioners, genderqueer – but we non-transitioning, not-very-genderqueer trans* seem to be just completely off his fucking radar.
Speaking of which, Helen, can we get a post every once in a while, just for old times’ sake?
Hi. I’m Zach, the author of the linked article. Thanks for the kind words and for sharing it!
I wanted to address grvsmth’s concern: grvsmth, you’re right, non-transitioning, not-very-genderqueer trans* people aren’t a group I know very much about, and I didn’t include them in my article, because, as you said, they were just not on my radar while I was writing it.
I know two people who fit that definition, one of whom is my own stepfather (who has asked that I continue to use he/him pronouns though he identifies as a woman,) so you’d think my radar would be better tuned.
My stepfather and my friend from church have different reasons for choosing not to transition, but my experience of them is the same: neither has asked for public recognition of their trans* reality. Both have, in private and to only a very select few, “come out” as trans*. And both, in private conversations with me, told me a version of the “I always knew” story. So in that sense, they fit the pattern I described in my article.
In the future I’d like to be more inclusive of non-transitioning trans* people. I’d be delighted to have a conversation with you, and learn more about your experience. If you’re interested, I welcome a dialog. You can contact me through owldolatrous.com.
All the best.
Zach