No Kissing in Public

One of our mHB board regulars recently mentioned kissing her wife while at a conference, and I was reminded that I wanted to post something about kissing Betty at trans conferences.

The thing is, I’m not comfortable kissing her in trans spaces, often.

I noticed that I wasn’t while we were at IFGE, most likely because we were at DO the weekend before. But the thing is, DO has some queer folks, and some trans, but mostly hetero BDSM people and swingers and pagans and polyamorous people. That is, there’s no reason *except* a sex-positive atmosphere that should make DO as welcoming to a dykey + trans couple like ourselves, but we are.

& The thing is: there is *every* reason in the world a trans space should feel welcoming & safe to a dykey + trans couple, but it isn’t. & That, I think, is exactly what can be so wrong about trans spaces.

5 Replies to “No Kissing in Public”

  1. I haven’t been exposed to any ‘trans’ spaces yet, but I know my mate and I often feel uncomfortable showing affection just about wherever we go, both for me being trans, and for the ressulting lesbian couple we make. It’s a hard thing to overcome. 🙁

  2. DJ and I old naughty people that we are, take delight, when far from home, in kissing in public. We love the look of shock on the faces of the ” family from New Jersey ” when the six foot something CD’er, kisses her wife.
    there is a silly, playfull fun aspect to DJ that does not come out in Dave.
    I like shocking folks sometimes, I can’t be respectable matron/granny all the time. needless to say, we are never far from our car, or our hotel room door, or other avenue of escape, lest some local yokel take offence.

    On a serious vein, I love to see couples kiss, I like it when my gay, or lesbian friends show affection to each other, and T, or queer couples as well, I would encourage folks to do more kissing, why are you uncomfortable in trans spaces ? are you uncomfortable kissing everywhere ?
    Kissing is a good thing, the world needs to see more of it.


  3. Ah, good, it’s not just my imagination!

    It’s weird, isn’t it? Likewise, these SF people were mostly – though far from monolithically – straight, probably very much like the DO people, so why should they feel less intimidating?

    Now I think I’d describe it as “expectations”. A T crowd is thick with expectations. They may be 100% reverse of the expectations in straightland – they may even happen to coincide with what you wanted to do anyway – but just the fact that they’re there has an impact. A broader, weird-and-wild-but-not-necessarily-queer crowd can really be *without* expectations, which is so freeing.

  4. mistwolf – see, that’s the odd thing for me: i’m usually comfortable kissing her in most public places. as long as we feel reasonably safe, or that it’s reasonably LGBT friendly, i’m good. that’s exactly what’s so weird about IFGE not being comfortable.

  5. Sometimes being the only coupled pair in a space filled with mostly singles can be uncomfortable. How many couples do you see at IFGE? I know there were not so many the last time I went, and not so many at First Event – a handful of CD/TG and SO, a handful of TG-TG couplings. The rest – a singles cruise.

    Perhaps the discomfort is at least in part about feeling different, feeling well-fed in a drought stricken country. Difficult to share a kiss when many might be looking on, thinking about a less than enthusiastic spouse at home, or the reality of an empty apartment waiting at the other end of the weekend.

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