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NYT: When Jane Becomes Jack

From today’s NY Times, specifically an article called “The Trouble When Jane Becomes Jack”:

The fact that there is no apparent parallel imbroglio in the gay community toward men who become women is a subject of some speculation.

Despite the tangled set of issues involved, the survival rate of lesbian couples seems higher than among gay couples when one partner changes gender, advocates say.

Interesting that he’s looking for the wrong “other” situation, since the majority of MTFs who are in relationships and transitioning are in heterosexual relationships. It’s “The Trouble When Jack Becomes Jane” that I want to read next, and I hope it’s written with as much sensitivity.

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See Jane Sand. See Jane Paint. Paint, Jane, Paint!

Two enterprising women named Jane are gearing their home self-improvement business to – other women. I’m pretty sure there isn’t much more we need guys around for after this. I’m’ sure we’ll pick up drinking beer and burping along the way.
I’m kidding, kidding. But with the way some women seem to see guys as more like impregnators/mortgage payers, I’m not that far off I don’t think. It’s just a slippery slope to Amazon culture.

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Answers (to the Feminist Quiz)

  1. In what year, and how, did American women get the vote?
    1920, 19th Amendment
  2. Who is the only woman the United States government has ever honored with a commemorative coin?
    Susan B. Anthony
  3. Looking at a photograph of famous women at the formation of the National Women’s Political Caucus, Nixon asked his secretary of state what he thought it looked like. What was the response?
    A burlesque
  4. When did the first issue of Ms. Magazine appear?
    first Dec 20, 1971 as a 40-pg supplement in New York magazine
    first full issue was in the spring of 1972
  5. What important document was issued at Seneca Falls, NY, in 1848?
    The Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions
  6. When, and by whom, was the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) introduced?
    1923, the National Woma(e?)n’s Party
  7. What was referred to in Washington as the “Bunny Law”?
    The sex provision in the Civil Rights Act
  8. What common feminist slogan was first used at an anti-war protest in Washington DC in 1968?
    Sisterhood is powerful
  9. On the subject of slogans – The office of the editor-in-chief of a popular women’s magazine was taken over for nine hours on March 18, 1970 by a large group of women led by Susan Brownmiller. What magazine was it, and what was and is still the slogan of the magazine?
    Never Underestimate the Power of a Woman
  10. What was the Oak Room Invasion of 1969?
    NOW sponsored an invasion of the men¹s-only clubroom at The Plaza in NYC
  11. How was Our Bodies, Ourselves written? By whom?
    12 white, middle-class women ages 24-40 in Boston, 1969 were involved in a group. The book emerged from a series of papers from the group.
  12. When was the National Organization of Women (NOW) founded? What was its policy towards men at the time? Who was its first chair?
    1966, men were very specifically INCLUDED, Dr. Kathryn F. Clarenbach
  13. Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique is one of the most famous feminist works, and the theory is widely known. It is less well known that she has also written about the feminist mystique, in her later book, The Second Stage. What is this feminist mystique?
    A false polarization of feminist and family‹a denial that the core of who a woman is is fulfilled by love, nurture, and home. It is possible to have a home, family and love and still be feminist, she says.
  14. Who wrote the book Confessions of a Feminist Man?
    Floyd Dell
  15. On the fiftieth anniversary of women’s suffrage, there was a large demonstration on 5th Ave, NYC. What was the march?
    [The first annual (not critical)] Women¹s March For Equality
  16. Who was Time Magazine’s Man of the Year in 1975?
    Twelve women
  17. Who released the popular children’s album Free to Be You and Me?
    Marlo Thomas
  18. Explain the original purpose of the “powder room.”
    men powdered their wigs there in Colonial times
  19. When was the UN Decade for Women?
    began in 1976, of all years!
  20. When did NASA accept its first women astronauts?
    1978
  21. Since what year have women outnumbered men in America?
    1950
  22. What US college was first to allow women?
    Oberlin (1833)
  23. Describe the origin of the I.U.D.
    pits were inserted into the uterus of a camel so it would not get pregnant on long desert voyages.

Thanks to Williams College for the quiz and the answers.

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Feminist Quiz

  1. In what year, and how, did American women get the vote?
  2. Who is the only woman the United States government has ever honored with a commemorative coin?
  3. Looking at a photograph of famous women at the formation of the National Women’s Political Caucus, Nixon asked his secretary of state what he thought it looked like. What was the response?
  4. When did the first issue of Ms. Magazine appear?
  5. What important document was issued at Seneca Falls, NY, in 1848?
  6. When, and by whom, was the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) introduced?
  7. What was referred to in Washington as the “Bunny Law”?
  8. What common feminist slogan was first used at an anti-war protest in Washington DC in 1968?
  9. On the subject of slogans – The office of the editor-in-chief of a popular women’s magazine was taken over for nine hours on March 18, 1970 by a large group of women led by Susan Brownmiller. What magazine was it, and what was and is still the slogan of the magazine?
  10. What was the Oak Room Invasion of 1969?
  11. How was Our Bodies, Ourselves written? By whom?
  12. When was the National Organization of Women (NOW) founded? What was its policy towards men at the time? Who was its first chair?
  13. Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique is one of the most famous feminist works, and the theory is widely known. It is less well known that she has also written about the feminist mystique, in her later book, The Second Stage. What is this feminist mystique?
  14. Who wrote the book Confessions of a Feminist Man?
  15. On the fiftieth anniversary of women’s suffrage, there was a large demonstration on 5th Ave, NYC. What was the march?
  16. Who was Time Magazine’s Man of the Year in 1975?
  17. Who released the popular children’s album Free to Be You and Me?
  18. Explain the original purpose of the “powder room.”
  19. When was the UN Decade for Women?
  20. When did NASA accept its first women astronauts?
  21. Since what year have women outnumbered men in America?
  22. What US college was first to allow women?
  23. Describe the origin of the I.U.D.

(Answers tomorrow!)

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Five Questions With… Kate Bornstein

Kate Bornstein is an author, playwright and performance artist. Her latest book, Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws, came out last month. Kate’s published works include the books Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us; My Gender Workbook; and the cyber-romance-action novel, Nearly Roadkill, written with co-author Caitlin Sullivan. Kate’s plays and performance pieces include Strangers in Paradox, Hidden: A Gender, The Opposite Sex Is Neither, Virtually Yours, and y2kate: gender virus 2000. It was both a pleasure and an honor to get to speak with her.

1. I love that you mention in Hello, Cruel World how trans folk are separating themselves into “male” and “female” by using terms like MTF and the like, because I’ve noticed that those of us who are hot for trans folk seem to like the transness, not the ‘target gender’ (or really even the ‘birth gender’) alone. It’s the chaser’s dirty secret. Do you think trans people will start to enjoy being trans, sexually or otherwise?

There are lots of un-named, unclaimed desires that are free from the male/female gender system. Desire for sex with oneself is a sexual orientation in itself, and you can be any gender or no gender in order to have that desire. My former partner felt the most important component for his desire was that his partner be the same gender as him. When he was a woman, he was with women; when he was gender-exploring he was with someone who was also gender-exploring; now that he’s a man he’s with men. I think what you’ve got is an as-yet-un-named sexual orientation: the desire for sex and romance with someone who’s neither male nor female.

Give your desire for transness a name. Then, speak your desire loudly, and proudly and seductively. I think if people hear that, that you’d like them the way they are, they’d be more encouraged to live that place of neither/nor.

As to using terms like MTF/FTM – yeah, I’ve been complaining about that for years. In this new book, I’m just a little less patient about it. It’s amusing and humiliating to admit it, but I still work hard to pass in public. I’m an old fart, and that’s still important to me. Out in the world, I pass to avoid the shame and the danger. But intimately with friends, community, or our lovers? The not-passing is the dance of love. No need for male or female, what luxury!

kate bornstein & betty crow1b. But I seem to upset some transsexual people when I recognize that Betty’s masculinity turns me on – even if it’s in addition to my being turned on by her femininity.

Upset them! When you go beyond either/or, people think you’re a radical, that you’re less safe because you’re less predictable. Speaking or writing down the truth of your desire unlocks the political and moral shackles of desire.

Continue reading “Five Questions With… Kate Bornstein”

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Secret Lives of Women show

Tonight the cable channel WE (Womens Entertainment Network) showed an episode of their regular show Secret Lives of Women – an episode about women who are married to crossdressers. I was interviewed for the show but we decided Betty and I were too “out” to really be classified as “secret” anymore. I was happy to hear that Peggy Rudd would be on, instead.
That said, the show did recommend My Husband Betty (along with Peggy’s books) as further reading. But, it looks like something has gone haywire, since the amazon.com links for My Husband Betty and for Peggy’s books are super-wonky.
If anyone who saw the show found this site as a result, you can still get My Husband Betty at Barnes & Noble online, or at Powells.com, another online bookstore, and I’m sure amazon.com will figure it out shortly.
If you did come here as a result of the show, do look around. There’s a selection of things I’ve written for the blog about relationships vis a vis crossdressing/trans issues, and of course there is a forum just for partners on our message boards.

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Not Barbie, Skipper

Lisa Hix wrote a nice rant about having an A cup for the SF Chronicle in response to hearing a show where a plastic surgeon waxed enthusiastically about implants. She points out that there are in fact health risks (including possibilities of hematoma, infection, deformity, toxic shock syndrome, plus the usual risks of anesthesia, the chance of losing sensation, decreasing the likeliness of breast cancer detection or the inability to nurse) but moreso points out that having an A cup is having a breast, and tires of the kind of talk that somehow equates A cups with not having breasts at all.
As a former A cup, I can tesitfy that you do in fact have breasts when you have A cups. I really enjoyed having A cups. I miss them.
I’ve found my recent re-sizing something to think about. For starters, I’ve been finding it harder to find nice bras now that i’m a D cup, much as I had a hard time finding ones when I was an A cup. The difference is that with a D, you absolutely do not want to compromise on support – in fact, you can’t. But I also had a moment of revelation while reading the beginning of Gerrie Lim’s book about the porn industry, which had more than one reference to pendulous D cups within 10 pages, and so caused me to think, “Huh, who knew? I’ve got pornstar-sized breasts now,” but the idea didn’t thrill me; I took it more like I would someone telling me I had the perfect size foot for shoe fetishists. Basically, I don’t care, because they don’t do me any good. It might have mattered some when I was 25 and single, but I’m not sure I would have cared then, either. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy them; I do. But I’d enjoy them more if I could take them off when I want to go to the hardware store or the grocery or to do other errands, all those times when I don’t want to be looked at. Not wanting your breasts stared at by every guy on the streets is exactly why you can’t sacrifice support at this size: if you do, they bounce more, which is not really what you want unless – ba rum bump! – you’re a porn star.
I find myself wearing a sports bra most days now, actually. Mostly I’ve realized that I’m glad I don’t get to choose, since both sizes have pros and cons, and the only real advantage resides in being one of those grow-up dolls that enabled me to change sizes with a quick, full rotation of one arm.