None, as far as I can tell.
Someone posted this ‘wish list‘ of the good things about having a CD for a husband, and I mentioned how it was this kind of article that bothered me so much way back when. Ironic or not, I was about 300% more positive about having a CD for a husband than most of the women I met online too.
But this list, I suspect, was written by a CD, not a wife, or maybe it was written by a very cheerlead-y wife in an optimistic mood. (If anyone has any info on the actual origin/writer of this piece, I’d love to hear it.)
While I think it’s an advantage to have a considerate, gentle, domesticated husband, conflating one with the other is a mistake. I know considerate, gentle, domesticated men who are husbands who are not CDs. I have met CDs who are insensitive, beer-cracking, remote-stealing boors. And while I know that many CDs feel that their desire to be feminine makes them – well, more feminine – I’m not sure that CDing has anything whatsoever with how nice a man is, or how nurturing he is.
What I think CDing *can* do for a man is bring along the kind of crisis that forces a man to dig deeper into himself, to think hard about difficult issues of identity, and to think about who he wants to be, and how. Likewise, for a couple, that same kind of crisis can open new pathways: to conversation, to the meaning of trust, and to a reconsideration of expected gender roles and even sexuality.
But it doesn’t do any of those things automatically, by any stretch. It requires a great deal of integrity, responsibility and sheer nerve to face this stuff and deal with it in a way that isn’t destructive to self or family. And someone capable of that is not a “good man” nor a “good CD” but really just a good partner, spouse, parent, or child.
excellent points as always, Helen.
I am married to a cross dresser, so I know first hand how this can wreck a marriage and family, and cause heartache for both spouses. I also know of several other women who are in turmoil because of their husband’s actions. I will never believe or accept that this is okay. I know the pain firsthand and observe the pain in my husband.
A woman wants a man to be her husband. I am not willing to share my husband with another man or woman. The crossdresser is unhappy, because cross-dressing brings happiness only in the moment and not true internal happiness. Not to mention all the other problems associated with this addiction and sickness.
If the men are going to start coming out of the closet, then the wives of cross-dressers will also have to come out of the closet, and let the world know their PAIN.
I don’t know what to think abut this whole thing! I think a woman wants to feel secure with her man, and being with a man who is obviously not completly hapy with who “he” is, well how can he put in the effort it takes to make you happy? He’s going to be to bust trying to fulfill some void he feels in his life, where does another person fit in here?
I think the only people who have problems with cross-dressing are those who consider it to be more than simply a means of self-expression or a desire to don soft and pretty things. Doesn’t make anybody more or less of a man (or woman) – it is simply part of their authentic self. My wife loves me just the same whether I am in jeans or a dress, and the dressing simply isn’t an issue, because we simply don’t make it one. It just happens to be what I am wearing at the time. What baffles us is why most people make such a big deal about it. I mean, women can wear pants and nobody blinks, yet put a man in a skirt and people start writing blogs about it. Seems the problem is not rooted with the individual, but rather with the perception of what cross-dressing must mean. Whomever said that cross-dressing brings happiness only in the moment is ill-informed or doesn’t understand the root of the issue (at least for some). For me, at least, cross-dressing is simply a part of my authentic self, and without that outlet of expression, I am miserable. Imagine if you lived to sing, but were not allowed to. Wouldn’t a part of you simply die inside? I can’t think of anything more harmless than putting on a dress. And if it bothers people, well then I know it is a personal issue for them that they need to look at. Stop making it the cross-dresser’s problem!
it’d be nice if your situation were always the case, but it’s not. most of the time the crossdresser makes it the crossdresser’s problem – by not telling his future wife about it, by not owning up, by sneaking around online, by considering transition, by looking for other CDs to play with sexually… you name it, & i’ve heard it.
& no – none of those things are about the crossdressing per se, but they’re not just bizarre coincidences, either.
when/if it is only a means of self-expression, that’s great. i never had a problem with betty crossdressing until the prospect of transition reared its ugly head. other women are the same – until… that is, until something else becomes a problem.
Since I do not know your work or your stance, perhaps I overstepped in my initial comments. I completely agree that honesty is key – one has to be honest to honor their mate as well as themselves. I learned that lesson after my first relationship. As a cross-dresser, there is a tremendous amount of shame and fear associated with being a cross-dresser – especially when the cross-dresser doesn’t understand what he is discovering. It is not easy to be honest with others when in a space of shame or denial. I’m not taking sides here, only pointing out the pressures that cross-dressers face. It is easy to understand why they hide it, although it is not an action that is respectful of a relationship. Life is a discovery process, and gender issues or even “simple” cross-dressing issues, are a difficult self-discovery to contend with. And until one comes to terms with their authentic truth, there will be heartache and disappoinment. If society in general would ease its oppression regarding cross-dressing and gender issues, it would be easier for those afflicted to feel comfortable enough to come right out and say this is who I am. Men also do not generally have the same emotional support while growing up than women have, compounding the situation, since many are not equipped with the “tools” to interpret, confront, accept and finally come to terms with what they are feeling. It can be a long, hard road for everyone involved. I was fortunate enough to find that strength relatively early in my life.
My stance. That’s a good way to put it. I love crossdressers – that’s my stance. I think most of you have suffered with stuff that you shouldn’t have had to suffer with because our culture is generally idiotic about gender and sexuality. And that goes doubly because you were raised male.
So, that’s my stance. As a partner – and as a partner-advocate, as it were – I don’t think that justifies crappy behavior on the part of CDs, and I get the feeling you don’t think it does, either. It makes it more understandable, but it doesn’t necessarily solve the problems, especially when the CD is married.
I have a lot of other caveats and varieties of my basic stance, but that’s why I wrote a 300+ page book.
Sounds like your book is worth reading!
I’ll have to check it out. Cross-dressing or not, I think crappy behavior is…well… crappy. I have attended support groups and clubs, etc., for cross-dressers and was often disenchanted by the behavior of many other cross-dressers. My wife tells me I am, in some ways, more like a woman than a man, and I have always preferred the company of women over men, and it just seemed like a lot of the cross-dressers – even though they got all dressed up – still behaved a lot like men. Subsequently, I feel out of place with those groups and no longer attend (except maybe for an occasional Halloween party). Anyway, I don’t want to get into anything resembling male bashing (after all, I am one, and I enjoy many things about being one), but perhaps the crappy behavior – at its core – is more male-centric than cross-dresser-centric… if that makes any sense. Seems like there’s plenty of “regular guys” out there doing damage to relationships, and they all could learn to be more respectful. That’s my stance. 
Hi Helen,
I wanted to comment here. I am a m-f transgendered person and you are sooo right about cd’s acting, well, just plain assinine. I have chatted with other cd’s online and to tell you the truth a lot of them sound like they are mentally ill. They talk about sex constantly, and they see themselves as something they are not. They think they look good but they look hideous. I’m not saying all cd’s are like this ’cause they are not. I am just saying that there are cd’s out there that I just don’t enjoy talking to. I have many blocked from messenger. It kinda ruins it for those of us that do act in a sane manner. We have to face society that already prejudges us and then we have cd’s like I was talking about justifying how society already sees us.
I just had to put my 2 cents in.
~Lori
I’m a cross-dresser (I guess). I don’t belong to any clubs, I don’t attend any ‘nights’ and I don’t contribute to any internet lists. But I’m a couple of glasses down, my wife is on the phone to her sister (for the past hour) and I drifted into this page. And felt the need to contribute something. I even did the ‘registration’ thing so I could submit my comment. ‘Xcept I don’t know what my comment is.
I’m a straight, married with kids, cross-dresser. I like to refer to myself as a ‘recreational’ cross-dresser. I don’t go on marches, I don’t want a sex-change, I’m not ‘confused’, bi-sexual etc and I don’t have an alternative name. And I adore my wife.
I told my wife that I liked to dress in women’s clothes before I proposed to her. Apparently I didn’t make myself clear enough (it turns out) because she assumed I meant that I liked to squeeze myself into a pair of knickers once in a while as some sort of sexual potato-skins-before-the-pizza and she’s been discovering to her mounting horror over the past 15 years of marriage that there’s a bit more to it – which is… I like (sometimes) to actually look like a woman. And – damn it – I like to look like a good-looking woman too.
I don’t want to attract a man because I’m not gay or bi. I don’t act particularly camp when I’m dressed up either, for the same reason. In fact, I’m a bit of a flirt when I’m in bloke-mode and I don’t feel any different when I’m done up in heels etc. However, the dear old other half seems to think I’m danny la bloody rue as soon as I look at a wardrobe and that’s why I’m giving some input now.
I have always tried to understand my wife’s feelings about all this; I know I will never succeed because – hey – I’m not a woman. All I can say is that I appreciate it’s tough for the other half. It must be – because my wife is heaven on a stick in every other way; she’s just unable to be the same about This One Thing. After all these years she still doesn’t want to be in the house when I’m dressed up. I feel pissed off because I want the chance to show her I’m still the interesting, funny, funky guy she fell in love with even when I’m in a skirt. She doesn’t want to know.
But I can see it’s more than what I’m wearing. There’s something fundamental – almost genetic – going on that makes it it really hard for her to see past the appearance. For one thing, I suspect I’m kind of intimidating – ok, not in looks obviously, but in terms of ‘things you can rely on to define your identity’. In other words, my wife gets pissed off if we’re in a shop looking at bras and (a) I’m checking bra x that suits me or even worse (b) I’m telling her that bra x isn’t going to suit her… or (a) she’s standing right there when I’m wanting to buy a particular make-up product or even worse (b) I’m telling her to buy a particular make-up product… I mean hey – she’s been doing this stuff since she was 13 and I come along out of nowhere and think I can give lessons on make-up and foundation wear.
Traditional men are supposed to know how to fix a shelf to the wall but not know what colour to paint it once it’s up there. Trannies cross this line, giving ourselves more territory but not giving corresponding extra space to our other halves – because there is no extra space to give them! We’re invading their thing but there’s nothing for them to have in return. We shouldn’t fool ourselves that there’s anything cool for the wives in being able to chat about make-up, clothes and stuff with their husbands – they get nothing out of it at all. Wives want to be different and measure that difference against their husbands.
Ah, then there’s the kids. When they were tiny, my wife felt we had to conceal every possible sign of ‘un-natural behaviour’ because – well, because it was un-natural. Now my daughter is nearly a teenager my wife feels we have to conceal every etc etc because my daughter’s at a delicate age. I confidently expect that when my daughter is grown up we’ll have conceal every sign because of some other completely convincing reason. Because of of the kids, I get to dress up about three time a year…
The question my wife asks most often when The Subject comes up is “Why?”. As in, why should you care what your nails look like; why should you care if your hair is dry/frizzy/greasy/dull/short/long/dark/light/there/not there at all; why should you want to have smooth skin; why should you want to look good naked; why should you care what you look like at all? As in, you’re a BLOKE for god’s sake, you’re not supposed to care about those things!
Well, I could produce an answer by saying I’m ‘metro’ – one of the new breed of men that cares about his appearance. However, if we really lived in a world where all people, men and women, could look however they liked and wear whatever they liked I’d feel… well I’d feel like everything had been spoiled for me. What I do is wrong, wrong wrong – and that’s the way it should be. I’m reasonably good at it and getting better all the time but I’m not stupid enough to claim it’s right and proper. I’m just trying to find a way to be in a mini skirt and heels and still seduce my gorgeous wife. Keep listening; keep learning; keep dreaming…keep caring.
Advantages of Having a Crossdressing Husband:…
This article is writen by a women who has a cross dressing husband. A great little blog entry so go check it out.
from the site:
What I think CDing *can* do for a man is bring along the kind of crisis that forces a man to dig deeper into himself, to …
I have been searching the web for women who are married to crossdressers who feel the same as I. I have only seen sights with such inspirations as,”enjoy their feminine side” and such and that disgusts me. There have seen to be some comments here that I agree with. I am not trying to offend anyone with my feelings but that are just that my feelings. I have been married for 10 years to a very good looking, athletic (college football star), and the father of my twin 4 yr. old boys. I am begging for someone to help me. I share this information in hopes someone can spread some light on my situation- once again not to offend another. My husband is a liar, has lied to me for 11 yrs. since I have met him. I have cried, begged, threatened, pleaded, cussed, with this man to please quit hurting me and it is just time for another slap in the face. My husband dresses in my clothes, my daughers clothes, clothes he sneaks and buys. He also involves fake breast, make up, fingernails, high heel shoes and wigs. This of course has always been done with me nothing anything about it until he was recently caught and then he confessed. We have however spent the last 9 years fighting with him because he was masturbating all the time in all areas of our home.
What I didnt realize is it was to the thought or picutre of a women (but not the women but her clothing that arroused him). I thought once the boys were born he would stop-plus you must remember I really didnt know what was going on and he always made me feel bad saying all guys masterbate….well maybe ….but all guys do not put on their wifes pantyhose and masterbate, all buys do not wake up at 3 in the morning when sleeping on pullout with boys and masterbate ..wipe their hands off and crawl back into bed with his precious boys……
My husband not only dresses as a women but he sticks poles, bar stool legs, hot dogs, tampons, and thing he can use and injects it into his rectum playing a role of a women.
I am sorry but I am disgusted with this person. I hate him for what he has done to our marriage. He lies all the time, he also gets a thrill from the sneaking behavior…..
I need someone to talk too…I am dieing…I am angry..so angry..I say horrible things to this man…who I dont trust, can not depend on, do not respect, and the feel of his hands near me makes me want to vomit….
I am asking someone please to shine a light on this for me please….When I ask him why he does this…….i get…I dont know!!!!!! Please help me…my soul is dead…thank you
K – I think you already know your own answer; you might just be too scared to face it. You need to do. Your husband isn’t being respectful of you, or your children.
You can contact me at helenboyd@myhusbandbetty.com if you need more help.
helen
I figured on posting here for some feedback, but after reading some of the horror stories I feel awful.
I am a man who dresses in women’s clothes. That isn’t easy to even type. My wife knew this side of me before we were married. We have children, who know nothing about this and never will. My wife actually liked this side of me. She was not attracted to me because of it, but feels that it makes me someone more understanding that she can talk to about anything as well as her secure life partner. My wife is a bit dominant in her behavior. She is very bright, very giving and likes the fact that I am a bit submissive in my behavior. I like the fact she takes charge. That doesn’t mean I’m not there for her and can’t take charge myself, but she likes to run the finances and make me lists of things she wants done, and I don’t mind. I love my wife, only my wife, and am very secure in my heterosexual nature. She actually started to promote “feminizing” (her phrase) in our relationship since she felt it gave her more control. She had been sexually abused as a child by her parent and feels that this makes her more comfortable around a man. I am not a someone that looks like a guy in a wig, or a drag queen. My features and build are feminine, which is something I have struggled with my whole life. I sometimes wish I was a brute kind of man’s man. In her opinion, I make a better looking woman. I do the house work, I cook and do everything I can around the house along with my job to show her that I love her. She seems to appreciate this and always tells me so. I do feel guilty about who I am, and there are times my wife will tease me about wanting a real man. If nothing else, please don’t group all men that have a feminine side together. I’m sure there are some real jerks out there that put on women’s clothes, but there is more to this than just the clothes.
I’ve read most of the comments and have lived most of them. I’m a closet crossdresser that enjoys sharing my most inner thoughts and feelings with my wife. In the beginning all was fun and games. I was told once that a man marries a woman hoping she will never change and a woman marries a man trying to change him. I personally find this true. I feel that woman wants to be accepted in every aspect of a mans world and has in the majority recieved that right. She is head of departments, announcers at football games, heads of state, in the public world many times men take a back seat to their wifes career. Also they dress any way they like from suits to mini skirts, they cut their hair in bobs to flowing locks, they wear or choose not to wear sexy undergarments. In short their is no box for a woman. Men in the most envy them but somein different ways.
Coming out of a generation that most men were raised by their moms, we respect them and realize how strong they are. Their femininity is admired and their appearance is breathtaking wiether they are in jeans with a cotton mans shirt or a long evening gown not to mention all the bedtime attire that is availible and accepted.
My concern is this what box do lots of women want their man in now. We have no role as as a leader in the home or society. If we are traditional we are despised and if we are soft we are looked down on. We live in shame because we are not accepted in any role by society therefore when we try to be true to ourselves we are perverted, cavemen, selffish, ugly, gay, but in fact we are just individuals developed by our own unique backgrounds, develpoments and personalities. We are so differnt but have certain thaings that remains the same.
As a rule your man wants to be accepted in your eyes although you will never understand why he likes to worship your body, dress in womens clothing, or any of the little quirks he may have. He doesn’t understand many things about you in fact he doesn’t undrstand many things about himself. Make a point to tell him how he could sexually please you it is very important to him. His strongest drive in general is his sexual desire. He is very pliable and can be moved to a mutual respect but if you shut him down he will shut you out.
Most couples are looking for excitement in their marriage that’s why divorce and cohabitation without marriage is so high we get bored easily. Was your relationship always one sided, boring or not eventful I hope not. Do something about it be eventful. As a crossdresser married to a strong, beautiful career minded woman I sometimes stand at a loss not knowing what to do. I can’t stand rejection so I barely stand, i just wait. Not what I desire but the box I have been placed in. Pathetic isn’t it but the boxes belong to the women they took ours. Men have evolved from cavemen and in the process some women took our place. If you put him in the house with the household chores he may like it if you let him be the man you may not like it, make up your mind.
I’m not saying my desires to put on traditional womens attire is right but neither is the desire for many women to use credit cards until the family bankrupts, work so many hours your children think you ran out on them or your husband thinks you are having a affair or you wear boxers and t-shirts to bed. They are just symptoms of something much deeper.
It’s all about the relationship build it, make it last, make it eventful and make it through the long haul and pass it on. It won’t be easy in fact it will be hard. Let what God has joined together NO MAN shall take apart. You now are one so don’t hurt yourself he is part of you and you him.
This whole situation is bloody annoying.
“I mean, women can wear pants and nobody blinks, yet put a man in a skirt and people start writing blogs about it.” The fact that so many idiots cite similar things along the lines of women dressing as men and this being acceptable in today’s society is ridiculous! Women do not dress up as men. You cannot say a scottish kilt wearing man is a wearing a skirt – they’re wearing a bloody kilt! Women are not growing moustaches, facial hair, having hairy legs and being men. They’re being women. Trousers are not owned by men, its unisexual and there are many things that are unisexual. Women have handbags, men have satchels. Saying that you CD because you take pride in your appearance is crap. There are plenty of men that do not cross dress and take lots of pride in their appearance. Men have aftershave, toiletries and very fashionable clothes so spare me your crap about envying women. Maybe I’m a lot younger than the idiots that quote women as taking men’s positions in the workplace, which is why I again cannot see the point of your comment and think your analogy is just not the same.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, he only revealed this side of him 6 months ago after years of treating me like crap, cheating on me with women and bloody proposing to me, buying a house with me and putting down a large sum on our wedding venue which is not reimbursable. I am trapped. Kiporter I feel for you. I pretty much am you. I do not understand this side to him. I have not been turned on to have sex with him for the past 6 months. He’s lost soo much weight and is skinny to the point that he looks ill and it’s painful to watch. I can rant to strangers but I have done everything to understand him. What I see is someone that fears society, fears telling any loved ones and fears himself for what he is doing. He is depressed when he does it and depressed at the thought of not being able to do it. When doing it, he constantly seeks the next step up and cannot find the gratification he’s looking for. He thinks of it all day long and cannot escape thoughts even at work. It has taken over his life and mine and having also seen someone go through alcoholism, he exhibits the exact same addictive behaviours. I do not think cross dressing is healthy, I do not see why so many selfish men that do it cannot understand why their wives/partners are having trouble with it, I do not see why most cross dressers appear to be in denial that this is a mental illness – FACT! Yes it doesnt physically harm anyone, neither does consensual incest and no incest is not healthy. There is always a line on what is right and what is wrong and limitations on being who you are hence no you cannot be racist or hold racist thoughts and there are limitations on freedom of speech. Crossdressers that believe society is flawed because they’re not accepting of crossdressers and compare it to society being cruel against different races and homosexuals are stupid. You cannot compare the two! You have a mental illness and from seeing first hand the pain that someone with this illness goes through, I feel for you and I feel for any partner that finds out their significant other is a crossdresser and then has to share the burden. I wish there was something in place for crossdressers to fight their addiction. It ruins lives. I’ve read countless blogs by crossdressers and the majority of them all talk about how it has ruined their lives. Sure there are a few confused crossdressers that believe they are happy, but they tend to also blog about the people they’ve lost as a result of their crossdressing. Sounds scarily similar to the druggies and alcoholics I know that believe they are happy with their stash of drugs and bottles of booze despite how their habits have consumed them.
I stumbled on this site today and read all the posts. It stuck with me until I decided to write. This is the first time I’ve ever disclosed my “mental illness” as aneisha describes it.
If you don’t mind, I have a few questions.
1. Which kind of CD is the “worst kind?”
For 36 years, I’ve had the kind of CD that includes a desire for men and “sticking things up my rectum.” Let me be clear, I’m not one of those gay kind or the ones that want to transition. I just want the humiliation of submission.
When I read this, it was funny how people jumped to distinguish. It’s like a friend of mine that always seeks to clarify that he is a light skinned black not one of those “darkies.” I’m figuring I’m probably the lowest kind, the one least worthy of sympathy, not that I want any.
When I was a little boy those urges cropped up before anyone told me the details of sex and I wasn’t abused or anything, so I guess I’m just sick in the head.
I was one of the toughest kids in a neighborhood where I picked up my first gun off a dead body in an alley on the way home in 6th grade. I was a football star, a decorated Marine, a farmer, a trucker, a heavy equipment operator and now a hard nosed negotiator. Of course, after reading these posts, I realize that, scientifically speaking, I do all that stuff to overcompensate for being a CD, not because I had the misfortune of being born in the wrong place and had the will to do whatever had to be done to get out.
2. Am I an evil person for keeping my mental illness a secret?
God selected a marvelous set of challenges for me, but until I read this, I thought I’d done a pretty good job of handling them.
I’ve been married twice. Neither have the slightest idea. Even though I lost everything in the divorce, twelve years later I still shovel my first wive’s driveway every time it snows (and her mom’s too) because she’s never re-married and my father-in-law passed away. I told my second wife about the shoveling urge before we got married and she was still willing to accept me.
I’ve never cheated with another woman or man or did anything weird around anyone including children, except one time my wife and I locked the bathroom door and had a quickie while her parents were visiting over Christmas. Even though I’m getting up there in age, my new wife loves that when her daughter goes on a sleepover, we have as much sex as we can cram into fourteen hours. I hope that’s ok.
3. What does the world owe me?
Some days I took a potato to school for lunch. And when we couldn’t afford that, I went hungry or performed child labor like cutting the neighbor’s grass. My parents refused help from the government and the church but somehow, even with dyslexia, and being mentally ill with the CD, and being born in a neighborhood with a murder a week, two during the summer months, I managed to become a millionaire by 30. That makes me one of those evil 1%ers that eveyone is justified in hating.
So guess I should receive -
a. Pity for being poor as a child, and having an untreated developmental disability,
b. Potential hatred for being a CD of a lesser god (still waiting for the answer to question 1) and,
c. Justifiable despisement for working my tail off to become successful.
4. What do I owe the world?
Because I have dyslexia, I make doubly sure to carefully read road signs so I don’t kill somebody. They don’t have to make them special for me, or my dad, or my daughter who all have it. Because I potentially have the worst kind of CD, if I’m going to let that urge/desire affect my relationships, I’m obligated to let people know. When I see a CD struggling, I owe that person a helping hand, just like I owe all those little kids growing up in my old neighborhood being an excellent role model and giving of my time and money to help those that want to help themselves.
Sorry for the novel. I’m struggling. I long for those days when I was 10 and sat on my bathroom floor in my sisters underpants after having put a tampon in my butt crying my eyes out because I had no idea what was wrong with me. It was a lot less confusing.
Christome, hi. I’m not sure anyone else who has posted here will see this, but I did.
I’m sorry, first of all. I don’t think you’re mentally ill at all – I wouldn’t have written my first book if I did. But that there’s a pecking order in all things – well, yes, & it sucks.
Second, congrats on making it out with your life, & for keeping your act together long enough to make more than a living.
I wonder sometimes what would happen if we would just deal with this stuff as a culture so 10 year olds – or their adults selves – wouldn’t have to feel like crap about it.
I just joined this group and thought I would enter my thoughts. It is a true statement that crossdressers make their own life miserable for the most part. The most major reason is they do not understand why they are who they are. Many think that they have become sick with some sort of illness that causes them to crossdress, or that they are very confused perhaps think they have become perverted or insane. it is true that most of us hide the fact we crossdress and this is normal for all of us to do because of the lack of understanding in public society about crossdressing and transsexualism. Lack of education in the subjects in our educational systems.
None of us are perverted, sick or insane or have a illness that causes us to crossdress or be transsexual. To try and help those who think this I will attempt to explain the reasons why we are who we are. First of all everyone in the world is conceived as a female. Yes we are all female in the beginning of our life in your mothers womb. There are cycles that the fetus goes thru that determines who we will be and what we will look like when we are born and grow into adulthood. Some of these cycles determine if you wil be a boy or a girl when you are born. But unfortunately or fortunately which ever way you want to put it for yourself some of us are not born just a boy or girl. During these cycles female or male information is assigned to the fetus which determines if we will be boy or girl and sometimes there are mistakes and to much or not enough of one or the other information is assigned which in our case (male to female) causes us to have more female information assigned to the male fetus. This in return can cause a male fetus to develope in a number of ways depending on the amount of female information assigned to the male fetus. When born we will look like a genetic boy and normal to all who see us even the doctors. When we begin to grow and develope into a boy we still look like a boy but for some of us we will act femnine or have female characteristics. At some point during our growth cycles we begin to feel a little different and do not understand why and think nothing of it until later in life for some of us and at that very point of feeling differnet for some of us. There are those babies born who are born with both male and female private parts. At this stage the parents and doctor sometimes make a decision as to what they want the baby to grow up as, a male or female and in most cases that decision is the wrong one.
As we grow and develope some of us have the desire and compulsion to wear the opposite genders clothing and do not really understand why. This is why we crossdress, because of the feminine information assigned to our fetus in our mothers womb during the cycles which determone which we will be male or female when born. As we grow and continue to develope some of us realize we are females in a male body because we were born with a brain that has more female identifying information then male and sometimes a complete female brain which is why some of us are born transsexual. As we continue to grow and develope our lives become complicated and we have to hide who we are because of the fear no one will understand why we crossdress because at this time we do not even understand and thus we have become who we are now. Those who were born with a female brain develope into transsexuals. Those of us born with more female information in parts of our brain develeloped in various stages and degrees of crossdressing from just wearing the under garments of the opposite gender to dressing fully as a female and tying to imulate a woman when we dress fully as female.
So none of us are sick in the head, perverted, crazy, or what ever, we are who we are because we were born this way for most of us. It becomes part of our life to hide who we are from everyone and crossdress whenever we can for as long as we can. Many times this leads to family problems if you married or have a girlfriend or family who accidently find out.
No, the whole “every fetus is female by default” myth is not true. What fetuses are is undifferentiated, but it takes active processes to make a fetus into a male or female child.
I really hate to disagree with you but after very intensive research and discussion with doctors the fetus are female until the gender cycles begin ……. at leash that is what the medical profession says