Subordinate

Here’s some depressing news from The New York Times:
“A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.”
(The entire article can be found here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/13/opinion/13dowd.html?oref=login&hp)
I doubt this is going to be big news to any women out there, but it’s kind of frightening that it’s actually supported by a survey.
The implications?
Men choose women who are subordinate to them for marriage.
If you look at it one way, the man with an IQ of 150 who makes $100k a year is most likely to marry a woman who has an IQ of less than 150 and earns less than $100k.
Which also means that a woman with an IQ of 150 who makes $100k a year is either going to end up single or marrying a man who has an IQ that is higher than her own and who makes more money – because the men in this study ARE CHOOSING TO MARRY WOMEN WHO ARE SUBORDINATE.
I’m sure plenty of powerful women are dating younger, less powerful hotties. But that’s not the point. The point is that when those hotties choose to get married, they’re going to marry a woman who is subordinate to them, too.
If this trend continues, every single one of my nieces is going to have two choices: to marry a man more powerful than her or to marry a man more powerful than her (or being single, or a lesbian, I suppose).
The study also indicates that it is also unlikely that the guy even pick someone who is an equal in these regards.
To me, it’s like playing any game or sport you’re good at. The guys in this survey are basically saying that they always want to play with someone they’re superior to. The intimation is that they are stacking the odds in their own favor.
One of the researchers, Dr. Stephanie Brown, is quoted as saying: “Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.”
Men are choosing subordinate partners because they are insecure around powerful women. They are concerned that strong, smart, salaried women might not be faithful. Imagine if women did that: no one would ever get married, both sides standing off to the sides waiting to be the more “dominant” partner.
This report is sickening & depressing to me. Deeply. Because I do have ten nieces, and I thought the world had changed a lot more since when I was a kid, but this survey – and the report about it – pretty much shows that girls are in the same shitty position they’ve always been in: either be okay with being subordinate and married, or be single. Or marry a tranny, I guess.
Since the study was done on undergraduates, I can only that eventually men do wise up – maybe once they’re dating more in their 20s and 30s, and maybe they come to appreciate having an equal, challenging partner.
Still in all, depressing news.

Partner Research

Hello all!
I could use your help.
I’ve posted a questionnaire for partners/SOs/SOFFAs of transpeople in order to help aid and direct my research for two upcoming essays and possibly/probably for the next book.
I’ve posted it in the MHB Message Boards and would love for people to post it on other message boards, Yahoo! groups, and listservs.
Thanks to all!
Helen Boyd

In The Life – again

As it turns out, PBS is going to be showing our episode of “In the Life” for the month of December. So for those of you who missed it the first time, here’s your chance!
You can still find out when “In the Life” is showing in your area at www.itl.tv. Our episode is called “Mergers and Acquisitions.”
(When it says the show will be on at 12AM, remember – that’s midnight of the previous date! So a 12AM showing on 12/14 is actually on the night of 12/13!)

Online Support Groups

Here are a few other online support groups you might be interested in:
For Couples, or Couples-Friendly:
For the Gen X generation, there’s Ronnie Rho’s group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/marriedgenxcrossdressers/
Lacey Leigh’s group for Successful CDs
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/TheSuccessfulCrossdresser/
A group for the Trans Family, which focuses on couples:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TransFamilyCouples/
There’s my new group for couples:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CDtgOD/
& for only SOs:
*For SOs of MTF CDs only (Kathy in Canada’s group), CrossDressers’ Wives and SO Support (CD-WSOS):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CDWSOS/
Support for Wives and Significant Others of CrossDressers (SFWaSOCDs)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sfwasocds/
*For SOs of MTFs or FTMs, TG Partners:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tgpartners/
The sister group of TransFamily Couples, for partners only
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TransFamilySpouses/
and TGSO:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tgso1/

New Yahoo! Group for CD/TG Couples

Since I started CDOD back in February 2000, much has changed. Because Yahoo! is sometimes idiotic, it’s impossible for me to re-open CDOD to new members, and without new members, a group gets too stagnant to be of much help to anyone.
So, I started a new group with both of those things in mind. It’s called CDtgOD, in keeping with the original intent of CDOD – to help couples build community, troubleshoot problems, and share solutions.
Do join if you’re in a relationship or wish to be in one. CDOD will be slowly phased out altogether, so do come on board.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CDtgOD/
Thanks,
Helen
May 2007 update: CDtgOD is now closed, but I’ve started two new groups:

  • for everyone:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/engender/

  • for partners only:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/engender_partners/

WLIW showing "In the Life"

For the very last time, our episode of PBS’ GLBT news magazine show “In the Life” will be airing:
Monday, October 4th, midnight, WLIW.
Do check it out!

that PBS show

Hello all! We’re going to be on TV!! (& not in Canada, either, but in the US, nationally)
The show is called “In the Life” and it’s a GLBT magazine hourly. They do shows around a theme, and then interview different types of people for different viewpoints about it. Our episode is called “Mergers & Acquisitions” and is about GLBT marriage.
Our little segment is called “Heterosexual Privilege” and the blurb is below. We are, of course, the “transgendered couple” they visit with:
**
For thirty years, transgendered people have legally married and many of these couples currently live in government-sanctioned same sex unions. However, the recent spotlight on same sex marriage rights has rendered these matrimonial pioneers vulnerable to attacks by the conservative right. In ‘Heterosexual Privilege’ In the Life looks at recent court cases and visits with a transgendered couple to find out why marriage matters.
**
WNET (13), Tues 9/6, 10pm
WLIW (21): Tuesday, 10/5, midnight
NJN (58): Mon, 9/6, 1am
NJN (50): Mon, 9/6, 1am
here’s the link to the show description:
http://www.itl.tv/press-room.php#
(click on “Episode 1312: Mergers & Acquisitions” which is the name of our episode)
On the same page, you can put in your zip code to find out when it’s on in your area, if you’re not in this neck of the woods. Or, you can check the complete broadcoast list.
So set those VCRS, or TiVos, or whatever you use!
Helen & Betty

Helen & Betty on SexTV

Hi everybody! I wanted to tell you that the story “My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser” will be airing on Citytv’s Sextv on July 10th and July 11th (at 11:30 p.m.) in Toronto and throughout the province of Ontario.
Sex TV
From there it will air nationally (in most major cities across Canada) and then it will be sent out to international markets (via the Trio channel in the US). I’ll get more information as I receive it.
We’re joined by two other couples, friends of ours: Minerva & Christine, Zoe & Kat.

Trans-Partners Forum at the Center

I’m on this panel! Do come! Partners especially welcome!!
**
Trans-Partners Forum
Tuesday, June 8, 7 – 9PM
Exploration and discussion of issues faced by individuals who are, or have been, or seek to be in relationships or partnerships with trans and gender-different individuals
$6 Center Members, $10 non-members (no one turned away)
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center
Trans-Partners Forum: the Center�s Public Policy Committee, Center Kids, and the Gender Identity Project present a forum on the challenges facing individuals who are, or have been, or seek to be in relationships or partnerships with transgender, gender-different and gender questioning people.
Community members will explore some of the social, legal, medical and personal issues facing partners of trans, gender-different and gender questioning people, including losing and maintaining our sense of identity and community, getting our needs met, being overshadowed by the needs of our trans-identified partners, financial concerns, barriers to medical care, stigma associated with our attraction to trans-people, and more.
Trans-Families Series: Trans-Partners is the second in the Trans-Families series of forums offered by the Center. The first forum, Trans-Parents, in January 2004, explored some of the social, legal, medical and personal issues facing trans, gender-different and gender questioning parents, moms and dads, including challenges facing transgender people who want to become parents. Trans-Partners broadens those concerns to include an expanded vision of family. The final forum, Trans-Families will be offered in the fall and will explore the concerns of trans-extended families.
For further information call (212) 620-7310
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center is located at 208 West 13th Street, New York City

Trans-Partners forum at GLBT Center/NY

Tuesday, June 8
7 – 9 pm
The Center’s Public Policy Committee, Center Kids, and the Gender Identity Project present a forum on the challgnes facing individuals who are, or have been, or seek to be in relationships or partnerships with transgender, gender-different and gender questioning people. Experts and community members will explore some of the social, legal, medical and personal issues facing partners of trans, gender-different and gender question people, including:
Who are we? What do we call ourselves?
We are often in “community limbo” – where do we fit? Is there space for us in the “gay” community? Should there be? If not, where can we find or create community?
How does our hidden, and sometimes invisible, communite gets its needs met?
Are our concerns sometimes overshadowed by the issues of our trans-identified partners?
How do we maintain our identity when our partners’ identies may be in transition?
How can we create community in the face of these daunting matters?
How can we get our medical needs met by providers who often seem ignorant of our needs and identities?
Some of us are openly attracted to trans-people – why is it so difficult to find space for us too?
For more information, call 212 620 7310, or visit www.gaycenter.org