Welcome to anyone who’s coming over from my post on Jezebel and the F*cking While Feminist series that’s been happening over there all weekend.
The comments posted over there did make me want to clarify a few things:
I was talking about celibacy & monogamy as ways to be feminist *in addition to* being slutty, liking casual sex, BDSM, or whatever else you do that turns you on. What upsets me is that sometimes it seems like you somehow can’t be seen as a sex positive feminist if you don’t like those things, as if choosing to be monogamous or celibate or being vanilla perforce means you’re denying your sexuality. It doesn’t. Sometimes it just means you’re not fucking anyone right now.
I can certainly see how my “just anyone” might imply slut shaming, but I certainly didn’t intend that. Some sluts are picky. Some aren’t. However you like it.
My starting point is safe, sane & consensual. Perhaps I should have made that clear. That would imply:
(1) I was talking about a willing vulnerability, or choosing to be vulnerable, with someone you trust;
(2) imagining turning someone into a sweaty, exhausted mess who WANTED to be turned into a sweaty exhausted mess by you;
(3) it doesn’t matter whether or not you actually could do that (is there anyone in the world who could seduce anyone?!); I was trying to get at the powerful feeling you have when you imagine you could, &
(4) the implication that imagining fucking someone automatically implies either ogling or rape kind of blew me away. I’m talking about something that’s going on in your head and which you are exactly not broadcasting, sharing, or indulging.
In a sense what I was getting at is that acknowledging your own desire and feeling empowered by it is entirely feminist, whether or not you’re actually indulging that desire with anyone but yourself.
(& Thanks, CollegeBookworm & a few others, for getting it.)