Tag: youth

Sasha’s Sex

Posted by helenboyd – January 25, 2012

The couple who chose to keep their child’s sex a secret so that s/he might be raised free of gendered expectations and stereotypes, have now revealed their child Sasha was declared male at birth.

The reason, of course, is that Sasha is starting school.


Miss Laxton, a web designer from Sawston, Cambridgeshire, admitted that keeping her child’s gender under wraps for so long had not been easy. At her mother and baby group, she said she was regarded as ‘that loony woman who doesn’t know whether her baby is a boy or a girl’. ‘I could never persuade anyone in the group to come round for coffee,’ she said. ‘They just thought I was mental.’

At school, Sasha sometimes wears a ruched-sleeved and scalloped-collared shirt from the girl’s uniform list. But he has yet to encounter any teasing or bullying. ‘Nobody’s ever mentioned it and I would hope that if they actually said something to Sasha, he’d be confident enough to make a good response,’ his mother said.

I think they sound entirely sane and reasonable, and I applaud their efforts to raise their child without the restrictions gender places on all of us.

Be Who You Are

Posted by helenboyd – January 3, 2012

Alas, another children’s book about a trans child, this one called Be Who You Are, about a young girl who is born male-bodied.

The only thing that bugs me about this is the idea of using the term “gender non-conforming” for a child like this. On the surface of it, sure. But it’s exactly the gender typical femininity of such kids that often convinces people they are trans in the first place; if she were more of a tomboy, her trans status wouldn’t be as obvious to people, right?

 

New Children’s Book: When Kathy is Keith

Posted by helenboyd – November 29, 2011

The author of When Kathy is Keith, in a phone interview with straight.com out of Vancouver, says:

“A lot of times, parents with straight kids, they think like, ‘You know what? That would never happen to my kid so why would my kid need to learn something like this?’ And I think the key is your kid doesn’t need to be LGBT. As long as your kid is perceived with any trait associated with LGBT, they can be bullied. They can be made fun of. Your kids can be a victim of any of that.”

He adds that parents of transgender children go through a difficult emotional process of their own.

“Parents, they have to go through different stages themselves,” he explains. “In the beginning, they tend to deny it. They hope their kids will grow out of it. They are having a tough time. They have to grieve over losing a son or a daughter and welcoming a new gender of a child. And I think that’s a process. It’s not easy for any parent to accept that because no parent has a kid and then think that this kid may be a transgender kid…. It’s tough… [when you have] a dream for your kid and all of a sudden that dream vanishes, and you have to recreate a dream for your kid[’s] future, and at the same time, knowing that society is not so tolerant out there. And I think that is very tough [for] a lot of parents to accept that.”

He advises parents who have transgender children to talk as much as possible with other people about these issues.

“I really think that [they should] talk to people about it, talk to other parents about it. And don’t just talk to one person. I would talk to multiple people. Talk to the school principal, talk to the counsellors, talk to the professional psychologists or social workers…even family doctor[s], so they can know there are people like this out there, they are not alone, and they can get help.”

Good advice all around.

Wear Purple on 10/20

Posted by helenboyd – October 17, 2011

From GLAAD, via Bilerico:

Bilerico explains:

This month GLAAD is working with organizations including GLSEN, GSA Network, PFLAG and The Trevor Project as part of National Bullying spiritday.jpgPrevention Month to inspire Americans to wear purple on Spirit Day. The Bilerico Project will be joining the campaign by changing our logo purple for the campaign. Wearing purple on this day symbolizes support for LGBT people and against bullying of LGBT teens. 

& GLAAD lists the tons of participants:

Conan O’Brien will join CNBC’s Jim Cramer and Simon Hobbs, Dr. Drew of CNN, E!’s Marc Malkin, Thomas Roberts of MSNBC and hosts of CBS’ The Talk by wearing purple on-air. Seventeen magazine will turn its Twitter avatar purple for the day. 

MTV will be turning the on-air logo purple along with its Facebook, Twitter, MTV.com and MTV Act logos. Online and on-air logos for MTV2, mtvU, MTV Hits, MTV James and RateMyProfessors.com will also turn purple. MTV 44 and ½, the jumbotron in Times Square, will also light purple for Spirit Day. More→

Not Mutually Exclusive

Posted by helenboyd – August 19, 2011

A little girl was invited to a party where the rules were that boys had to come as superheroes & the girls as princesses, but before she and her dad had time to say “to hell with gender essentialism” they realized that Wonder Woman was always, also, a princess, and so her dad sewed her that costume.

Rocking dad. Dumb party organizers. Happy kid.

He’s 29, Now.

Posted by helenboyd – June 10, 2011

ME AT NINE, PERFORMING TO MADONNA IN SUMMER ’91! from Robert Jeffrey on Vimeo.

& Someone, somewhere in the world, thinks there’s something wrong with such a talented kid. Luckily, not his parents.

“Curing” the Sissy: Anderson Cooper Tonight

Posted by helenboyd – June 7, 2011

Tonight, Anderson Cooper 360 is doing a show on the reparative therapy offered one male child to “cure” him of his effeminate behavior.

Box Turtle Bulletin has a complete breakdown of the events of Kirk’s life as well as information on the doctors who were responsible for this “therapy”.

Activist Abigail Jensen adds that she is upset “about the erasure, at least in the headlines of this & Anderson Cooper’s upcoming special report, of the fact that this story is as much about treating children who may be transsexual, as it is about children who may be gay.”

His brother Mark says the therapy “turned his light switch off”.

I fully expect more and more families will step forward about this kind of therapy as a result of this documentary, and I’m thankful to Anderson Cooper and team for doing it. This is NOT a historical issue; reparative therapy is still “offered” to gender variant children. For a more recent take, do read D. Scholinkski’s The Last Time I Wore a Dress

Homeless LGBTQ Youth

Posted by helenboyd – May 26, 2011

Larkin Street Stories: Serving Homeless LGBTQ Youth is a three-part video series (approximately 6–9 minutes each) offering tips on best practices for providers serving lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) youth who are homeless.

In the videos, staff and youth from Larkin Street Youth Services in San Francisco discuss and share lessons learned regarding their approach to supporting LGBTQ youth who are homeless. The video series begins by introducing Toby, Loch and the youth from Larkin Street Youth Center. It describes the importance of being “present” for youth, and helping youth see their own strengths and resources. The youth talk about being rejected by their families due to their LGBTQ identity and leaving home as a result.

The Larkin Street staff provide tips on how to create a safe and welcoming space for LGBTQ youth, including how to handle hate speech. The final episode explores the importance of never making assumptions about a youth’s sexual identity or gender expression, allowing youth to self-identify, and empowering youth to reach their full potential despite the challenges they have faced.

Teen Connection: LGBTQ Youth

Posted by helenboyd – April 27, 2011

A few days ago, some of the teens of the Fox Valley sat down for a talk about LGBTQ issues in high school: bullying, suicide, coming out, gender, sexuality. It’s a cool piece that also highlights some of the safe spaces for youth here.

Watch the full episode. See more Teen Connection.

I was very impressed.

Beyond Fushcia and Teal

Posted by helenboyd – April 16, 2011

I love this.

Because honestly, didn’t we all grow up with Crayola? So when is it that boys are taught not to care about the finer differences in color?

More Gendered Toy Ads

Posted by helenboyd – April 13, 2011

A word cloud created from the language used in commercials for toys aimed at boys:

On the other hand, the ones for girls:

Is anyone surprised?

Read the full article for the details as to how the words were chosen.

Filtered, No Doubt

Posted by helenboyd – March 28, 2011

It turns out that some high schools are filtering out sites like GLAAD’s, or the It Gets Better campaign. Honestly? It just pisses me off. God forbid we help save the lives of at-risk youth; somehow that’s perceived as advanding the so-called gay agenda.

If White Power youths were committing suicide at alarming rates, we would all want to see them stop. What is it about LGBT youth that people are so hateful about? Is it this proposed ‘gay agenda’? How is it that homosexuality has trumped even suicide as a sin against God?

They drive me nuts. At least the ACLU is on it. You can check your school’s filtering and report them if necessary.

Born This Way

Posted by helenboyd – January 20, 2011

I love this blog.

It’s entirely photos & stories of LGBT people in photos from when they were young, kids most of them. Just gorgeous, and the stories are as varied and amazing as you’d expect.

It reminds me some of my friend Doug’s performances Queer Stories for Boys, because there is a whole lotta queer in those photos.

I hope to see a lot more trans people in upcoming days.

Why anyone quash the spirit of such amazing children I’ll never know.

A Boy’s Name?

Posted by helenboyd – November 17, 2010

A girl named Randi was beaten for having a boy’s name.

“They started talking about me like I was a man,” she told local news station WREG. “That I shouldn’t be in this world. And my name was a boy name.” The four girls and a boy surrounded her after a Fellowship of Christian Students meeting, and, she said, kicked her in the rib and leg, hit her in the face, sat on her, pushed her face into the floor, and threw her onto a cafeteria table.

It really makes you wonder what they’re teaching kids in a Fellowship of Christian Students. I guess they didn’t get to the “don’t beat people up” meeting yet.

Princess Boys

Posted by helenboyd – October 23, 2010

I love the term ‘princess boy’ – it’s really nice to see another name for them that’s a little more affirming.

Wear Purple

Posted by helenboyd – October 20, 2010

Today, people all over the country are wearing purple to show support for the end of anti-LGBTQ bullying.

I think Gogol Bordello’s got it covered:

& Here, if you can stand it, is the story of Chloe Lacey, the trans teenager who is being left off most of the lists of the students who committed suicide in the past months, & whose memories are being honored today.

The Good News

Posted by helenboyd – October 4, 2010

Make it Better, a website dedicated to providing LGBTQ youth with how to make their schools safe, features videos by student activists. (Go Danielle!)

MTV releases an iPhone app that helps define what bullying is.

HRC tells Reverend Packer to STFU.

A London man was sentenced to 21 years in jail for killing trans woman Destiny Lauren.

Stay Alive

Posted by helenboyd – October 1, 2010

The 5th LGBT student suicide hit the news today, and that’s only the national ones. There was a young man here in WI who took his life a few weeks ago, too, & I’m sure there are others going unreported nationally.

All I can think to say is this: young queerios, stay alive. The people who hate you don’t care, and the people who love you are heart-broken and beside themselves with your loss.

You’re hurting the wrong people. Live to be fabulous. You will be.

The End of Suicide Prevention Month

Posted by helenboyd – September 30, 2010

A few days ago, during the last week of September which is Suicide Prevention Month, another LGBTQ teenager killed himself because of bullying. He was 13.

First: Please remember that there is always someone to call.

The Trevor Project
1-866-488-7386
http://www.thetrevorproject.org

A few weeks ago in a town near Appleton, a young gay man did the same. A local man named Paul Wesselman was so touched by this student’s lost life and the pain his friends were in that he wrote a piece for them, young people who were struggling with being who they are. I found what he said smart and true and asked if I could reprint them here.

1. This is awful.
You are going to feel lots of emotions, and it is going to be difficult for some time: you’ve probably already figured out that being a teenager means lots of complicated, conflicted emotions. Add the suicide death of a friend and the mix of grief, anger, confusion, frustration, sadness, and devastation becomes even more cruel. Your family and friends may not always say or do the “right” things, but I suspect they are mostly motivated by a sincere desire to ease your significant pain. The sad truth for us is that we cannot erase your anguish, because this is just awful.

2. Things will get better.
Don’t hate me for saying this, and I’m not saying it to diminish the extraordinary pain you currently feel. This probably occupies every second of your life right now. Next week you will likely still think about it every few minutes, and for weeks after that you may still find yourself reminded of Cody or of the loss every hour of every day. Eventually, your heart and your mind find a good place to store the positive memories while the grief (which never disappears entirely) will fade into the larger quilt of life.

3. Positive things can evolve from horrible situations.
There is nothing we can do to bring Cody (or my friend Steve) back, and we cannot go back in time and change the circumstances that led up to these awful deaths. We cannot change these tragedies. AND: we do get to choose how we respond to them. I’ve noticed how frequently you post such kind, loving, AMAZING words on each other’s walls. Those heartfelt expressions are profound to all who see them and are tiny examples of the light that may come out of this extreme darkness. (Please note I’m NOT saying “God did this for a reason,” or “This tragedy happened so that good things could happen.” I personally don’t agree with either of those statements. I do believe that when blechy things happen which are beyond our control, we can, if we want, CHOOSE to make sure positive things come out of these awful circumstances.)

4. What you do next is up to you.
After my friend Steve died, his mother Judy transformed the grief and frustration into energy and passion to prevent future suicides by creating LifeSavers. http://TheLiveSavers.net/ has helped thousands of students to become caring listeners and observers. I found these words posted on their website:

USE YOUR POWER OF CHOICE WISELY
Choose to love . . . rather than hate.
Choose to laugh . . . rather than cry.
Choose to create . . . rather than destroy.
Choose to persevere . . . rather than quit.
Choose to praise . . . rather than gossip.
Choose to heal . . . rather than wound.
Choose to give . . . rather than steal.
Choose to act . . . rather than procrastinate.
Choose to grow . . . rather than rot.
Choose to pray . . . rather than curse.
Choose to live . . . rather than die.
-from The Greatest Miracle in the World by Og Mandino

Not only do I hold you in my heart, I also have deep compassion for the tremendous pain that he must have been experiencing. My high school and college years were significantly challenging and I thought about ending my life frequently. I tried more than once. The excruciating pain I felt seemed insurmountable and never-ending. I’m so glad I lived to find out that neither of those were accurate. With time, healing, counseling, and considerable help from a remarkable tribe of friends, I found the strength to face and conquer the darkness and I believe that I eventually found success and sustainable joy not in spite of those hurdles but in part BECAUSE of them.

I share these words not to take away the pain you are feeling, nor to fix what cannot be fixed. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and that by relying on your friends and family, your inner strengths, and other resources (school, church, community, etc.), you will remember something that Christopher Robin once reminded Winnie the Pooh:

You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.

What I want to emphasize is that plenty of us left high school and were surprised by how much more power we had in the world than we thought. Not record-breaking power, but the power to find friends we liked, who would support us; power to live where we wanted, where we felt safe or interesting or amazing; the power to make decisions about who we would be and how.

& Finally, to close out Suicide Prevention Month in the hope that we won’t have to have one next year, and with the knowledge that many, many, many trans people struggle daily with grim, hopeless thoughts, here is a resource guide specifically for trans people & their allies put together by NCTE.

It gets better.

“It Gets Better.”

Posted by helenboyd – September 22, 2010

Dan Savage & his husband Terry talk about growing up gay, the assholes in high school, families you grow up in & families you create. Really beautiful stuff, and please, LGBT teens, watch it.