• COLAGE does a lot of work with LGBT parents, & coming out: http://colage.org/resources/parents.htm
• They have specific information on how to come out to your kids: http://colage.org/resources/coming_out.htm
• there’s a new organization called TransFamily that might have some stuff: http://www.transfamily.org/
• You may also find useful information at Abigail Garner’s Families Like Mine site: http://familieslikemine.com/
• We have a forum on our message boards for people dealing with kids & family: http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/community/forumdisplay.php?f=34
• There’s a Kids of Trans tag for this blog, too: http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/tag/kids-of-trans/

If anyone has any newer resources I haven’t yet seen, please do add them!

She’s 15, and her father, now female, transitioned about five years ago. She was about the same age as Prince’s eldest when she as told of her father’s imminent transition.

At first all I really felt was sadness for the children and the wife. The poor woman had to watch her spouse say on TV that she thought she might not have transitioned if she had stayed with her ex-girlfriend, something that must have felt awful and been humiliating to watch. I was shocked that the children’s reaction to the fact that their father was going to become a woman had been recorded in the first place, let alone aired on TV. As the child of a transgendered person I would be horrified if my initial reaction was shown to people all over who I didn’t even know. It’s an incredibly private moment that the rest of the world doesn’t have any business in watching.

As the show progressed I started to feel increasingly angry, and not just because she seemed to me a parody of a woman, intent on acting like a stereotype of how a woman “should be” and appearing very feminine, or because despite this femininity she still did all the “masculine” chores around the house, and we got to see pictures of her working with tools and at her job (I would have expected someone who had undergone a male to female transition to not be sexist).

I wanted to punch a hole in the wall every time it was mentioned that the children had “lost” a father. I never lost my father, just because she’s a woman doesn’t make any difference to the fact that she is my father. A sex change operation doesn’t change that. Chloe had no right to be upset about being missed out on the mother’s day photo- it was for mother’s day, not father’s day. Those children are going to have a hell of a time growing up now, and will have to deal with people they don’t know recognizing them and even judging for something they didn’t even do.

Thanks very much B. for sharing your thoughts with us. I would love to read comments from other trans people with kids, if their kids watched, what they thought.

A report, not from AlterNet, not from Mother Jones, but from CNN, about voter suppression and voter roll purging that’s important to read, especially since “identity document mismatch” could get trans people’s registrations thrown out.

Are you voting next week?

& Really, how can you not listen to Dustin Hoffman when he’s got that cutey grin on his face?

Go here for all the information you need by state.

Below the break, all the voter registration deadlines by state:

Arkansas Voter registration ends October 6, 2008.

California All voter registration forms must be postmarked by October 20, 2008.

Colorado Deadline for Colorado voter registration is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Connecticut Deadline to register to vote is Tuesday, October 21, 2008.

Delaware Deadline for voter registration is Saturday, October 11, 2008.

Florida Deadline for voter registration, Monday, October 6, 2008.

Georgia Deadline for voters registration is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Hawaii Deadline for voters registration is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Idaho No deadline, voters can register at polls and vote.

Illinois Deadline to register to vote is Tuesday, October 7, 2008.

Indiana Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Iowa Deadline for registering to vote is Friday, October 24, 2008.

Kansas Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 20, 2008.

Kentucky Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Louisiana Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Maine It’s never too late to register to vote in Maine. You can register to vote until, and including, Election Day. There is no cut-off date for registering to vote in person at your town office or city hall. If you want to register to vote by mail, the cut-off date is the close of business on the 21st day before the election. That date is October 14, 2008 for the General Election.

Maryland Deadline for registering to vote is Tuesday, October 14, 2008.

Massachusetts Deadline for registering to vote is Wednesday, October 15, 2008.

Michigan Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Minnesota Same day registration at the polls to vote.

Mississippi Deadline for registering to vote is Friday, October 3, 2008. In registrar’s office on Saturday, October 4, 2008. Postmarked by Sunday, October 5, 2008.

Missouri Deadline for registering to vote is Wednesday, October 8, 2008.

Montana Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Nebraska Deadline for registering to vote is Friday, October 24, 2008.

Nevada Deadline for registering to vote is Saturday, October 4, 2008, by mail; October 14, 2008 in-person at the county registrar office.

New Hampshire October 25, 2008:  Last day to register to vote until the General Election.

New Jersey Deadline for registering to vote is Tuesday, October 14, 2008.

New Mexico Deadline for registering to vote is Tuesday, October 7, 2008.

New York Deadline for registering to vote is Friday, October 10, 2008.

North Carolina Deadline for registering to vote is Friday, October 10, 2008.

North Dakota Welcome to the only state that does not have voter registration.

Ohio Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Oklahoma Deadline for registering to vote is Friday, October 10, 2008.

Oregon Deadline for registering to vote is Tuesday, October 14, 2008. Voter registration form, here. Voter requirements for Oregon, here.

Oregon is a mail only state.

Pennsylvania Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Rhode Island Deadline for registering to vote is Saturday, October 4, 2008.

South Carolina Deadline for registering to vote is Saturday, October 4, 2008.

South Dakota Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 20, 2008.

Tennessee Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Texas Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

Utah Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008, by mail.  In person, Tuesday, October 28, 2008.  Voter registration form, here.

Vermont Deadline for registering to vote is Wednesday, October 29, 2008.

Virginia Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008. Deadline for Absentee ballot by mail is Tuesday, October 28, 2008.  Last day for in-person absentee voting is Saturday, November 1, 2008.

Washington Deadline for registering to vote is Saturday, October 4, 2008. Or Monday, October 20, 2008 in person.

Washington, D.C. Deadline for registering to vote is Monday, October 6, 2008.

West Virginia Deadline for registering to vote is Wednesday, October 15, 2008.

Wisconsin Deadline for registering to vote is Wednesday, October 15, 2008. Or register to vote on election day at your polling place.

Wyoming No deadline. Voters can register at the polls with proper I.D.

• Caprice Bellefleur
• Kate Bornstein
• Andrea James
• Annie Rushden
• Lena Dahlstrom
• Jillian Todd Weiss
• (me) & (me at feministing)
• Autumn Sandeen @ Pam’s House Blend
• Angie @ Dakota Women
• Coming Out Trans
• Laura Calvo of Oregon’s Stonewall Democrats
• Monica Helms @ TransUniverse
• Betty at Daily Kos
• & a final, late-breaking video by riftgirl (in which she promises to have sex with her “friend” Les if we reach the goal of 200 by midnight) in addition to her earlier post

I suspect we will make our goal of 200 if we use midnight time (PDT) I’m sure, but I’ve got to go to bed. Our cat Aeneas had an echocardiogram and 6 teeth pulled today, so I’m emotionally exhausted on more than one front.

This being the trans community, I’m sure that there will be criticism of this event, so I’ll tell you why I got so fired up about this idea & spent the day blogging it: because for me, it’s meaningful not just for an historically gay & lesbian organization like Nat’l Stonewall Democrats to set up a page for trans community donations, but that it’s important for the trans community to respond with enthusiasm when we get an org that is willing to work with us. I think that’s at least as important as criticizing orgs that take us for granted.

More than that, I believe in visibility. There was no minimum donation required, so that your “vote” (or your existence) could count very easily, even for $1. Political visibility is important – and this event made us visible not just to LGBT people, but on a national political landscape where we are, sadly, almost completely invisible. Or, as Angie at Dakota Women put it:

This is a great way to increase trans visibility, so when the election is over, we can point to exact dollars that the trans community and its allies brought in. That. Is. Huge. Whether you identify as trans or a trans ally, this is a win-win. You get to help make sure that we’re not all crying in our beers the day after election day, and help demonstrate the power of the trans community and its supporters–all at the same time!

Right on. For me, personally – well, I live in NY which always goes for the Democratic nominee for President, so it was nice to get to do something that had a little more reach.

1) First, tell me about COLAGE & how the book for Kids of Trans happened, what your goals were.

COLAGE (www.colage.org) is a national movement of children, youth, and adults with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer parents. We build community and work toward social justice through youth empowerment, leadership development, education, and advocacy. I first contacted COLAGE five and a half years ago, when I was working on my undergraduate thesis: “She’s My Father: The Social Experience of People with Transgender Parents”. Looking for references for my project, I discovered a diverse community of queerspawn who gave me the space to better articulate my experience and encouraged me to continue my work, since there are hardly any resources for transgender parented families. I started presenting at transgender conferences and gained a renewed sense of responsibility to build community and develop resources for people with transgender parents.

During a COLAGE conference in Dallas two years ago, I suggested to Meredith Fenton, COLAGE Program Director, that perhaps I could fill a fall internship position at the national office. We came up with a Fellowship model for my position, which has become a new program for the organization. I worked full-time for eight months focused specifically on the Kids of Trans Program. The major goal of the fellowship was to develop resources for people with transgender parents. Since there was no book detailing our experiences and offering advice to people with trans parents, the Kids of Trans Resource Guide became the obvious main project.

My goals in writing the guide were: first, to tell other people with trans parents that they are not alone; second, to recognize that the entire family transitions when a parent transitions; and third, to provide compassionate advice from people who have similar families. In short, I hoped to create the book I wanted my father to give me when she came out to me over ten years ago.

2) I remember first meeting you & being thrilled to meet another ally who happened also to be related to the trans community – me as a partner, you as a KOT. How did trans people respond to you being at the conference & at trans events?

Yes, I remember how inspired I was to meet you, too! At many conferences, there is the inevitable question – so, why are you here? Since I don’t identify as transgender and very few people read me as trans, many people are curious about my presence at trans conferences. Once I explain my work, people tend to be excited that someone is advocating for transgender families. Although, there is usually some confusion about whether I work with trans youth or youth with trans parents.

The most memorable response I ever received was at an IFGE conference. I stood up during a panel session, introduced myself as the daughter of a transwoman, and asked how people with transgender parents can utilize the media to further transgender equality. The entire crowd gave me a standing ovation! That was the moment when I decided to dedicate more time and energy to building the Kids of Trans program. Each parent I meet reminds me how this work touches people’s families.

3) So far, what has the response been to the book?

The response has been great. People have been waiting for this type of resource for so long that families are thrilled that it exists. One therapist told me that they gave a copy to a couple who were about to come out to their kids and the parents were visibly relieved to have this type of resource. The book features quotes from nineteen people with transgender parents, and people really appreciate the personal experiences sprinkled throughout the text. By including so many elements of this experience, I hope everyone finds a resource for their family. The guide includes: The Basics, Finding Out Your Parent is Transgender, Tips for Transition, Family Shifts, Talking About Our Families, and other valuable resource sections.

It really is amazing to be able to direct people to the COLAGE Kids of Trans website (www.colage.org/programs/trans) to find a copy of the guide, sign up for our online discussion list, and search the resource lists. People can also request paper copies of the guide through the site. Since the guide is aimed at middle school aged youth and older, there have been a few requests for a resource for younger children. There are a few books for young children listed in the resources section, but I agree that we need more tools to explain gender non-conformity to young children, not just those with trans parents.

I am excited that the Kids of Trans Resource Guide addresses some of the needs of our community. If just one person feels less isolated because of this book, I’ve achieved my goal.

4) Have your feelings about your own gender changed as a result of having a parent who is trans?

My entire understanding of gender – my feelings about my own gender and other people’s genders – has been deeply impacted by witnessing my father transition from male to female. Mainly, I have a broader sense of the possibilities of gender identity and expression. In part, because I saw my dad become a woman. Also, I’ve found myself quite often existing in queer and transgender spaces, where various genders are lived and celebrated.

Since I have learned to respect the gender identities and expressions of my parent, her partner, and others, I have gained an appreciation for the complexities of my own gender.

5) I expect you don’t stay idle for long: what’s your next project?

The filmmaker, Melissa Regan, recently shot follow-up footage with the family. The sisters are teenagers now and Barbara has been living as a woman for a few years. The new footage provides invaluable perspective on one family’s process of understanding a loved one’s gender transition. In Spring 2009, No Dumb Questions will be re-released on DVD with new footage. We will also launch an interactive online community where anyone can use video, audio, photos, text and social media to ask – and answer – their own questions about gender identity and sexual orientation.

My role is to get the word out about the new project and provide input as an advocate for transgender people and families. I am really excited to apply my energy and expertise to educate the public about issues of gender identity and expression. As we saw last fall with ENDA, there is still a lot of education needed around transgender rights, even within the LGB community. This film and website will provide a venue where people can ask their ‘dumb’ questions and get answers about trans people’s experiences. You can read more at www.nodumbquestions.com.

If people know of other partners, allies, or family members who regularly blog on glbT issues, do let me know so I can add them. Please, not just LGB allies; they have to regularly address trans issues and need to be currently blogging with some consistency and some history.

“As a parent, remember that your children come first and your transition comes second. Transition is an inherently self-focused process, as you align your body and appearance with your gender identity. The best way to be a responsible parent during transition is to make your children a major priority throughout the process. Sometimes this means that you have to compromise your ideal time frame for your transition in order to keep relationships with your family healthy.”

Shock and revelation! Trans people are parents, children, spouses; they have families, extended families, and can adjust their transition goals to help the people who love them transition around them. How much does that rock? You can also access COLAGE’s Kids of Trans pages on their website.

(cross-posted to Trans Group Blog)

They are about to take part in the Kottankulangara Sridevi temple festival. The ancient temple in Chavara, Kerala, has a unique tradition. On the last two days of the festival, regular men, common office-going professionals, dress up as women for the chamayavilakku (chamaya is make-up, vilakku is lamp). Bedecked with flowers, lamps in hand, they wait patiently till the wee hours of dawn for the goddess to bless them.

It’s also become a gathering for “feminine men,” or Kothis – which the article identifies as homosexuals and transvestites.

(Thanks to Veronica for the link.)