Here we are again, off to DO, and I probably won’t be blogging or checking the boards (much) while we’re gone. The internet is always a little iffy from camp, and really, honestly - a little too cyber when there are people having sex near you on lounge chairs.
We’ll be back Monday-ish.
DO is upcoming, and so I’ve been wondering: why do I so hate being naked in front of people?
I went to a workshop at a DO summer camp about getting in touch with your body, and you’re meant to sit there naked, and talk about stuff, like what you like about your body, what you hate, problems your body brings you, & pleasures.
& I did it, at long last, only after stripping down piece by piece. A little at a time. Iit was when Ii was at my thinnest (which means it was fall 2006), and now, 20 lbs heavier, I’m thinking I should try that workshop again.
Because there are always people at DO who are fatter, hairier, older; more scarred, more beautiful, thinner, more hairless, with better or worse skin than me. Even if I were judging, which is not my style, I’d still end up somewhere in the middle - not the best, not the worst.
& Then I feel like such a shallow idiot. Because there are people with all sorts of bodies out there - scarred, people who have lost limbs, people with chronic medical conditions, etc. - and really I have a pretty healthy body, all told.
So what is it?
What annoys me most is that plenty of people are not comfortable naked & they’re perfectly okay with being uncomfortable being naked. Others are happy naked and okay with that. Me, I’m not okay with not being okay. *sigh*
Just to clarify, since a few people have asked: we will indeed be at Dark Odyssey’s Summer Camp this year, which happens from September 10th - 15th. It’s probably our favorite event of the year. I’ll be doing two of my regular workshops at DO: Trans Sex & Identity, and Uneven Libidos.
If I haven’t made clear what we love about this event, let me say: it’s inclusive. Beyond inclusive. The mix of sexualities - queer, straight, BDSM, kinky, leather, swinger, pagan, etc. - is mind-blowing. It’s sex positive in a way that nothing else I’ve experienced is.
It is very trans friendly, but you’ll only want to bring heels that you wear when you’re on your back, not to walk in - most of the camp is grass. There’s a pool, there’s lounge chairs, & there’s plenty of trees to be tied to, if that’s your sort of thing.
(You can check out a bunch of other posts I’ve done about DO over the years we’ve been going to get more of an idea.)
What I wrote the other day doesn’t even touch all the other stuff that happened to us, or the people we got to see again, & those we met for the first time, & other experiences we had.
It’s so hard to explain how Dark Odyssey just pulls your skin off and lets you experience things in such a raw, honest way. At one point, during the Cirkus Erotikus, Betty saw that one of the genderqueer types who’d been at the mixer was doing the flogging, and being Betty, stepped right up to be flogged. And she did, and B. and I watched and laughed at the expressions on her face (at least until B. got in line to be next). Internally I felt something in me was about to blow. Not long before I’d run into one of the swingers we’d gotten to know some the previous year, and he told me that he always sees me, in his head, sitting on a golf cart last year watching some kind of sex, and that the expression on my face was “I could use some of that.” It made me sad, and scared, at first. I’m the first one to admit I’m kind of repressed, so when Betty just “stepped right up” to be flogged - I didn’t know she’d met the person at our little genderqueer mixer - something in me just broke.
We almost didn’t go to Dark Odyssey this year for a variety of reasons, but as it turns out, femme tops top everyone: Tristan told me we had to, so we did. When we were leaving, and I was getting really choked up and was sad to be going, I knew I wouldn’t ever think of not going again. What Tristan and Greg and all the many perverted presenters, staff, and attendees create on a campgrounds - nearly out of nothing - is really singular, in my experience.
There were plenty of familiar faces missing this year - some in the middle of new book publicity, others dealing with personal stuff or health concerns, and many, many people were missed. But people stepped in to fill the gaps, and it was as if Betty and I had an omen of what a good DO it would be when we found ourselves, the first night that we got in, talking to one of the staffers we’d just met about Neil Gaiman.
Betty read Stephen King’s IT the whole time we were there, and I’ll let her blog about how meaningful she found that book this time around.
Betty and I are once again attending Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire, and we’re excited - as usual.
If you haven’t registered yet, there’s still time, & they’ve now also introduced an ‘everything but’ pass so that if you have other plans for New Year’s Eve, you can still come to classes and workshops and use the playspaces on the other nights and days.
For more information, you can check the thread where we’ve talked about it on the boards, or check the Dark Odyssey website.
I’ve said yes to a couple of upcoming gigs, so I thought I’d share them (in order of their appearance):
First, Dark Odyssey for New Year’s, in a hotel in DC. We are very much looking forward to this one, & I’ll be teaching three workshops: monogamy, uneven libidos, & trans-sex (of course).
Second, the Translating Identity Conference (aka TIC) up in Burlington, VT, and on the UVM campus. It’ll be two days this year, not just one, and it’s still free. It’s in late February, so you could plan a skiing trip around it, I assume.
I will also be the banquet speaker for this year’s COS banquet. Betty & I had a great time there last time around, and are really looking forward to going again. March 25th. (This is a good opportunity for anyone in the tri-state area to do the ‘dinner/dance’ thing without going to a full-fledged conference.)
Finally (but certainly not least), I’ll be presenting my Trans Sex workshop, for partners, at the IFGE Conference in Philly in early April.
& just added: Trans Issues Week @ Yale!! Details TBA.
We’re back from our 3rd Dark Odyssey and this one topped the previous two. We arrived Tuesday around 2pm, and left Monday around 2pm, which means we had six full days of nudity, sex, workshops, sex, pagan rituals, sex, naked volleyball, swimming, and yes, more sex. Driving down with Daddy David and his girl Kate was a great way to get ready for the six days, and to process them on the way back.
I am pretty sure I now know every conceivable way a person can be tied to a tree and flogged.
We met a bunch of new and interesting people: Maggie, a liberated ex-pat who was both beautiful and multi-lingual; Neil and linda, who gave us the low-down on Master/slave relationships; Captain Beatrice and B, who each came to one of my workshops; S. Bear Bergman, who reviewed my book not long ago; Lyndon, who was wearing that cool ‘question gender’ shirt from TIC; Sir Andrew and Fyre, who we hit it off with immediately when we picked them up at the airport, and Maria, with whom I had some interesting conversations about being raised Catholic.
We saw a ton of old friends and familiar faces, like Opn and Toni (who once again provided us with excellent ‘fat girl taxi’ service), Joe Samson (and his girlfriend), Citizen Rahne (and her girlfriend), Susan (who is scheming to get me invited to the Trans Health Conference that takes place in Philly every year), Julie, Becky, Barbara Carrellas (with whom Betty may be starting a “partners of writers” support group, as Barbara is the inestimable Kate Bornstein’s partner), and Raven Kaldera and his boy joshua, who put on an amazing re-enactment of the Sumerian myth of Innana. Michelle Zee taught me a new shoulder stretch, too. (It just occurred to me that nearly all these people are trans themselves or a partner of a transperson, which leads me to believe I’m slightly self-ghettoizing, but that’s not a huge shock, either.)
There were folks from the MHB Boards there, too, like Dawn, the cervix-bearing fantastic partner of Nicole (who regrettably had just broken her foot and couldn’t come), uber-lusty JessicaNYC and her MonkeyGirl, and of course the lovely Penny and Jayme, who were literally hiding in the corner when I first found them, right before the workshop on monogamy that I did Friday night. Then again, they told me later that night they’d already gone skinny dipping, so it obviously didn’t take them long to come out of the corner!
We also brought home a new member of the Boyd family: little Aurora, a tiny 5 lb. tabby cat who charmed everyone – and who was fending for herself on the campgrounds without claws. She’s sleeping in our bathtub for now, being forced to eat and drink, and getting crankier about it (which I consider a good sign, because she’s got enough energy to complain, and she didn’t before.)
If I could find the people who’d leave a clawless cat to fend for herself, I might come up with a new way to tie a person to a tree and flog them.
We had a great time overall, and opened a few doors ourselves. I did finally manage – in a very safe workshop given by our friend SwitchMe – to get naked in front of other people. I’m not going to make a habit of it, but it was good to do, if only even for the ability to do so if and when I choose to.
Betty and I also, erm, opened a few doors together, in public and privately, but that’s all I’m saying. You’ll have to come yourself if you ever want to see us do anything sexual in a public space, and even then – you’ll have to get lucky to be in the right place at the right time. (Several people were disappointed they hadn’t been, when they heard what we’d done!)
Betty was of course a lovely co-MC with Miss Tristan for the Wheel of Destiny, and a few people are starting to mumble about them co-hosting a cable access television talk show. I’m already imagining the guest list, but we’ll see.
The biggest surprise was enjoying watching Sir C beat the crap out of someone tied to a tree while reclining under a pine tree in the dappled sunlight. (Though we did have to pick ourselves free of pine tar afterwards.)
The workshops I conducted (on Monogamy, Uneven Libidos, and of course Trans sexuality) were a pleasure to run, especially since the people who came posed thoughtful questions and had insightful comments, though of course my workshops are certainly less arousing than the ones given by Nina and Felice! Betty said at one point that I provide all the “thinking” workshops, though the one I attended given by Citizen Rahne was really thoughtful and smart, too. I was especially pleased that the workshops I gave on non-trans subjects were a success, which got me thinking about what I want to be when I grow up.
What amazes me the most is that I could write another 10 pages and still never touch the sense of what DO is actually like. We definitely encourage other couples, genderqueers, trannies, and BDSM folks to come on down! Yes, the food is mediocre at best, but the meals are full of interesting folks and engaging conversations. I’m not sure anyone gets enough sleep, either. But the sense of camaraderie, the comfort with nudity, sex, and kink are inestimable – like nothing I’ve ever experienced anywhere else. Our thanks to Greg and Tristan for the effort to put on such a remarkable event, and to Colten and the staff for working their butts off.
Betty and I are going on two brief vacations in upcoming weeks:
If I don’t respond to an email, it’s precisely for that reason. Be well, and we’ll see you in a while.
(Via the magic of computers, new blog entries will be posted, however.)
On the MHB Boards, Emilia posted a link to an essay by trans educator Raven Kaldera that I thought more people should see. It’s called A Letter to Would-Be Transsexuals, and points up twenty areas of change that will impact your life if you transition. I thought it was accurate and not sugar-coated - the kind of essay I like best.
More of Raven Kaldera’s writing on trans issues can be found on his website: www.cauldronfarm.com.
He’ll also be presenting at Dark Odyssey, where Rahne Alexander, me, Joe Samson, and other transpeople who will be talking about the many aspects of trans sexuality. (Dark Odyssey is not a trans conference, but an all-kink inclusive sex conference.)
The essay is also being discussed on the MHB Boards.
Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire proved as hot as the first DO we went to this past fall, with a very different feeling. I did miss the group meals (since they were great for meeting new people while standing in the chow line) and the dress code (vanilla in public areas of the hotel, anything goes in the conference areas) was a little confusing and frustrating - and didn’t give you as good of an idea of the real variety of people who were there - but overall, it was a very sexy event, liberating, and a wonderful chance to talk to others about sex and pick up good information, techniques, and tips.
Still - when Tristan Taormino tells Nina Hartley to check out your rack, and then Nina Hartley tells Betty she looks like Hillary Swank in her formal wear, life is good.
Other MHB Boarders went too, and have been posting their reports in a recent thread.
Tomorrow, Betty and I leave for a weekend of kink at the first ever winter Dark Odyssey. We enjoyed the one this past fall so much, and we are both really looking forward to it - and we get to meet some of the people behind the names on the MHB boards.
Betty and I will be doing a few interesting events this coming February and March that I’d love for people to join us at, and to say hi if they’re attending.
February 18th - 20th we’ll be in Phoenix, AZ, at the Glitz Ball. I’m doing one workshop, participating in another, and will also be the Banquet Speaker.
On Tuesday, February 22nd, I’ll be moderating a forum of crossdressers for Yale’s Trans-Week. It’ll be called “Part-Time Ladies.” The Yale Daily News did a nice piece about my presentation last year.
On the weekend following Trans-Week, February 25th - 27th, I’ll be presenting a workshop on trans-sexuality at the all-kink inclusive Dark Odyssey. Betty & I had a great time at this event last fall, and are excited about going again. This year, with the privacy afforded by hotel rooms, I’m hoping to see a lot more trans-couples attending. The remarkable Kate Bornstein will also be attending, and it will be wonderful to see her again.
The very next weekend, we’ll be going up to Burlington and the University of Vermont. David Houston, an anthropology professor, has asked me to speak to his class; they’re reading My Husband Betty as part of their “kinship and identity” coursework.
While I’m in Burlington, I’ll also be participating in the Translating Identity Conference on March 5th. I’ll be doing a workshop on trans sexuality, as well as teaming up with FTM partner Jill Barkley for a caucus on partners’ rights. I’m very much looking forward to meeting Leslie Feinberg, whose Stone Butch Blues is a seminal work (and which I recently recommended as part of my reading suggestions for Book Television in Canada).
Or, How Helen & Betty Spent Their Weekend
When you arrive at a campgrounds for a conference, the last thing you expect is to be driven around in a golf cart by a service-oriented boi, and the first thing you don’t expect to see is a man walking along in leather chaps & not much else practicing the effective use of a bullwhip.
But that’s exactly what greeted us when we arrived at Dark Odyssey - DO for short - this past weekend. We’d driven four hours to a campgrounds somewhere in Maryland, and found ourselves at the end of a road: a weathered outdoor registration table set up a few yards from an old white house. I pictured camp counselors, bonfires, volleyball and smores. I’ve never been to a camp, not as a child nor an adult, but I’m pretty sure that camp hasn’t seen anything like DO before.
It was a celebration of kink in all its many forms - the sexualities about which we (especially as Americans) don’t speak. I’d brought with me a book called Sexual Anomalies by Magnus Hirschfield, and at some point I checked the Table of Contents to see if he mentioned any type of anomaly that wasn’t represented: nope. Hirschfield actually missed a few, from what I would learn.
We met a bisexual professor from VT, a D/s couple who met over the internet, a young het master and his beautiful female slave. We met Nina Hartley, well-loved porn star who has a brain that makes her boobs and ass look small in comparison, and we were led through a group meditation by a kind older man with a firm hand who a day later had a line of willing victims at his spanking station. We watched as an acolyte learned how to make smores for his domme, worried about pubic hair catching fire in a celebration of fire and trust, and wondered why a man with a drum had entirely waxed his genitals.
Now I think: we could have just asked. The variety of the sexual landscape was nothing in comparison to the open-ness of spirit, the willingness to ask questions and answer them about your particular kink. A swinger couple from the mid-west didn’t know why male-male sexuality wasn’t part of the swinger lifestyle even though female-female action is a regular part of it. A genderqueer FTM told us about fucking with his astral cock and his cunt, owning both his feminine and masculine sexualities.
I can’t even begin to describe what we saw at special events like the Mardi Gras party or the Garden of Carnal Delights. I have no vocabulary to tell you what it feels like to watch a beautiful woman realize a deep sexual fantasy right in front of you. The experience of standing in a hallway at the intersection of four rooms and hearing four simulteanous orgasmic yawps isn’t something you can describe. I can’t tell you the names of the equipment in the dungeon because I simply don’t know them. But I can tell you this: Betty & I were in a state of low-level arousal all weekend. So many naked bodies, so many well-placed piercings, so much love of the body, worship of both the yin and the yang. In a workshop led by Tristan Taormino (one of the organizers), a roomful of 50 people touched and kissed in blindfolds. I walked into that workshop feeling a little sick with nerves, and then Tristan announced we were either in for the whole of it, or should leave then. It took some kind of steel will for me to stay in my chair, but by the time we were halfway through, I was laying my hands on the inner thighs of a tranny I’d only met the night before, and enjoying the playfulness of it. (I was later glad I did, as Betty had the feeling that both men and women were unsure about how and where to touch a trans-person.)
I can say that we personally probably had the best sex of our lives - but in the privacy of our own room, of course. For a woman who was born clothed and a tranny whose body sometimes trips up both his and her sexuality, that was no small thing. We have been negotiating our own personal sexuality since we have been together, finding variations, positions, astral parts and appropriate lightning through arguments, standoffs, and weird backlashes of propriety. We have cried, screamed, and held each other in a kind of mutual sadness that we found ourselves so ill-matched sexually but so deeply in love. But at DO, there was no shame in the air, no misery over having the wrong body or kinks no one else understands. The overwhelming sense of the entire weekend was that everyone - no matter who you are, or what you like - can find someone to play with and others who like the same toys. And that no-one - not the transwoman, the dyke, the het female submissive, the bisexual bottom - should ever feel bad about what turns them on.
At DO, sex was pleasure, worship, love, catharsis, play. Celebration, desire, wholeness, and beauty. It was also dangerous, scary, unknown and unknowable. Acceptable, mystical, and good.
Betty later called Dark Odyssey ‘the Land of DO.’ As in, DO please yourself. DO please your partner(s).
I’m already thinking about next year, and whether or not I’ll be able to manage just standing somewhere - maybe by a bonfire - completely naked. I don’t want to do anything that is outside of what Betty and I want for us, as a couple and as individuals, and to me - that was the most important part of DO: no pressure to do what you don’t want, and only encouragement to do what you want. I have never experienced as profound a sense of respect for the body nor the individual as I experienced at Dark Odyssey.
Our thanks to the organizers, Tristan and Greg, and to all those happy campers, for a weekend that will inform and energize our sex life for many, many months to come.
Betty & I went to an amazing pansexual conference called Dark Odyssey (DO for short) this past weekend, and I have so much to report it’s taking me longer than usual to collect my thoughts.
But shortly, folks, promise.
Betty & I are going to an amazing sexuality vacation called Dark Odyssey (where I’ll be talking about trans-sexuality, gender role play in the bedroom and other wonderfully erotic things). It’s an amazing group of presenters, and look at this list of topics!
Finding Your Own Erotic Path - Polyamory and Other Alternatives to Monogamy - Erotic and Spiritual Rituals - Urban Tantra - Sexuality in Wicca & Neopaganism - The Path to Expanded Orgasm - Sensual Massage - Transgender Sexualities - Oral Sex Techniques - Anal Pleasure - G-spot Stimulation and Female Ejaculation - Becoming a Multi-Orgasmic Man - Fantasy Role Playing - Vaginal and Anal Fisting - Dominance and submission - Spanking and Flogging - Bondage for Sex - Fire Play - When Slap, Kick and Slam Meet Sex - BDSM Spiritualities…
There’s less than a month left to register, so do! Right away! Come with a partner, or solo. All sexualities (homo, hetero, queer, mongamous, polyamourous, etc) are respected.
All that, and Kate Bornstein!
(And if you look closely at the groups list, you’ll see that MHB group is listed so you can get a discount!)
I just wanted to let everyone know what we’re going to be up to this fall, as we love seeing old (and new) friends at these events. So here goes:
Dark Odyssey, September 9th - 15th
Southern Comfort, September 30th - October 3rd
Fantasia Fair, October 17th - 24th
Eureka En Femme Getaway, October 27th - 31st
We’ll also be on PBS’ GLBT show “In the Life” in September!
Betty performing at the FanFair Follies:
Donna T, Betty, Helen and Vicky Lee of WayOut (UK):
Us relaxing at SCC:
Betty & I are going to be presenting at this year’s Dark Odyssey, a sexual vacation for all kinds of sexualities and people. This is not a huge orgy - more a place where couples or singles or the polyamourous can go learn new techniques, meet others of alt sexualities, and play.
Kate Bornstein will also be presenting, and transpeople are encouraged to attend!
Where: Northern Maryland
When: September 9 - 15, 2004
This will be a good safe space for anyone wanting to wander outside of their current sexual practices, who are exploring bisexuality, BDSM, gender role-play, etc.
For more information (pricing, registration, workshop descriptions, etc), visit the Dark Odyssey website.
More…
