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Trans Couples Talk

This is the text of the talk I gave at the Liberty Conference on May 2nd, 2009:

How We Love You: Let Us Count the Ways

There are partners who are male, female, and trans; there are partners who met their trans person before the trans person knew what was going on; there are partners who married crossdressers who had sworn off crossdressing who purged and then dressed and then purged and then dressed again; there are partners who met their husbands crossdressed; there are partners who met their trans person during transition; there are partners who met their trans person long after transition; there are partners who didn’t know their trans person was trans when they met.

You, the individuals who are in love, were in love, who are seeking companionship and partnership and occasionally a good spanking, are said to be like snowflakes. Flawless Mother Sabrina told me that one night at the now defunct Ina’s Silver Swan, and she was right. Each of your stories is unique, even when there are similarities; each of you realizes your transness, as I like to call it, in a different way: some crossdress, others do drag, others transition. Some do all three, and others do none of these, but you express your genders in some other way. But you have your stories, your characters in movies, even if and when they are comically or tragically or unfairly drawn, but those you love have — well, we’ve got a machete and a spot on the edge of the wood we mean to get through.

Continue reading “Trans Couples Talk”

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For Milwaukee

We had a great time in Milwaukee this past weekend: a gathering of LGBT people on Saturday night, a sex workshop at The Tool Shed on Sunday, and then a workshop on gender variance Monday afternoon followed by a 7PM lecture about queer heterosexuals.

I did meet a bunch of people who asked me about various resources I mentioned in passing, so here goes:

& I think that’s it. If I’ve failed to mention anything I said I would post to here, feel free to email me about it or remind me in the comments section.

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A Kind of Love Letter

From the Best of Craig’s List Toronto, a kind of love letter from a straight guy to every “hot/nerdy/self-possessed/athletic/capable/charismatic lesbian” he’s ever met.

I guess we could just be buddies. I can resign myself to the friend-zone if you promise to go girl-watching with me once in a while. Maybe then you’ll see that I don’t want to “turn” you (for the sake of either ego or Jesus). I just want to get physical in a way that would make a straight girl’s over-sized purse explode. I fully trust you’ve got some knowledge to drop.

Don’t judge me, oh hot diggity dyke, if I don’t fit into your worldview. Just hold me once in a while and tell me that I’m simply another colour in our glorious rainbow.

Another queer heterosexual trying to work it out.

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POT

Today, while getting my hair cut, I mentioned to my newest hairdresser that my partner is transgendered.

And he asked how long he’s been on T.

I’ve noticed that I am more consistently clocked as the lesbian partner of an FTM than the right way ’round.

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We’re Gonna Make It!

Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I’m going to Milwaukee for the first time, & for me, Milwaukee is always going to be Laverne & Shirley’s city.

What I’ll be up to:

So do come to whatever you can if you’re in the Milwaukee area, & do spread the word. All the links are to Facebook pages, since that’s how the kids are doing it these days.

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Tolerance is American

I really loved this ABC clip from What Would You Do? that Feministing posted. I can’t say I agree with Vanessa’s comments (or with Renee or Pam’s) but maybe I’m just that much older than she is, but this is huge progress to me.

I also think there’s a level of affection in public that makes people uncomfortable no matter the orientation of the couple. Even straight couples hear the “get a room!” comments yelled if things get too hot in a public space.

Likewise, making the couple interracial in an all-white or mostly white bar would confuse whether or not the bar patrons were homophobic or couldn’t deal with the intersection of homosexuality and race. I think it’s important to control an experiment like this, to make sure the LGBT couple were a good “fit” for the community that goes to that bar.

But the whole idea of people being offended, as that one woman was, by any LACK of tolerance is very, very cool. As is this.

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Prop 8 & The NAACP

The NAACP has been one of our strongest allies in the fight against Proposition 8 in California. The national NAACP Legal Defense & Educational Fund (LDF) and the California branch of the NAACP joined other civil rights groups in filing a major brief before the California Supreme Court in support of equality, and LDF recently urged the California legislature to enact resolutions calling for the invalidation of Prop 8.

The NAACP is getting some push-back for these efforts. Now is the time for us to support them and show that coalition politics goes both ways. Please join me in expressing your support for their statement of equality to your local NAACP branch:

We are not alone in this fight. Let’s show that we know how to step up to the plate when others step up for us.

(via EJS & NCLR)

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Freedom to Marry

This week Freedom to Marry is featuring a ton of guest bloggers talking about marriage equality, and my post goes up today at 1PM.

It’s both a pleasure and an honor to be given the chance to say something in support of full marriage equality for everyone.Do go read tons of the posts this week, & direct your friends and family and community members to do so, too.

If you don’t feel convinced, or even if you do, watch this:

“Fidelity”: Don’t Divorce… from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.