Jezebel has compiled the 10 worst “BDSM” suggestions made by Cosmo, and, um, I’d like to know what exactly is kinky about sticking your finger in someone’s mouth & ordering him to suck it. Is it because you’re ordering and not asking, or suggesting coyly, or whatever non-kink version of a similar scenario Cosmo might recommend? Or is it somehow kinky just to penetrate your male partner & not the other way around? I don’t know. I have lost track of how tepid people have sex, and I thank my lucky stars for that.
Honestly, I’m not sure if it gives me a headache or amuses me greatly to think of the crazy awkward scenes happening in bedrooms across America because of those fifty shades of goofy. Just, um, make sure you have the key to the handcuffs FIRST, don’t draw blood, and um, maybe remember that most of us have day jobs we have to sit at desks to do. (Although a day of uncomfortable sitting can be a lovely reminder of what went on the night before.)
& Honestly, leave the utensils in the kitchen where they belong. Except the slatted spoons: those things really sting.
Seriously, try Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Rough Sex, instead.