Trans Etiquette Graphic

Posted by – December 11, 2011

I don’t like the way “transphobic” is thrown around – when often, what’s at work is ignorance. When I talk about non-trans attitudes toward trans people and identities, I refer to it as “trans etiquette” – as in, give people a chance to learn how not to be ignorant and rude before deciding they’re transphobic.

If they persist in re-gendering people, asking surgical status or for a “real” name, then they’re just assholes.

3 Comments on Trans Etiquette Graphic

  1. milylasouris says:

    That’s an excellent document and I’ll be sharing that with a couple of HR contacts who are have trans people transitioning on their watch.

    I think you’re right about ignorance often being at work. Trans people are still a fairly misunderstood group of people so some just don’t know how to handle them. When I was transitioning and had to put up with being misgendered and so on, I used a three strikes approach when I felt it was an honest mistake.

    The first time they got it wrong, I corrected them and told them they have two more strikes, after which I get to kick them in the shins (and transitioning to female gives one so much more pointy shoes!) The second time they got it wrong, I gave them a more stern talking to and explained how it hurt. The third time, I kicked them. Not hard (well, a couple of times when they really deserved it), but it generally worked and I think that approaching this with a bit of humour and understanding helped.

    Of course, some people are just arseholes, as you say, and need a tougher approach. Quite a lot of them you can tell straight away, too, so they didn’t get three strikes from me!

  2. divadarya says:

    This is really good, and encouraging. I would only add to the “gay” point (or perhaps make a separate one) that the culture is also not-so-subtly misogynistic and views a male becoming a female as a “step down”.
    We’re a good way to open up this conversation.

  3. […] name) divulged without my consent to people I had only just met, something I had thought would be Rule #1 of Things Not to Do in Front of a Trans* Person (or Ever).  Occurrences such as these demonstrate the gap between policy and practice. Non-discrimination […]

Leave a Reply