Month: December 2010

Community Toast

Posted by – December 31, 2010

A bunch of people who participate in our online community forum are toasting each other for the New Year at the stroke of midnight, wherever they are, and we’ve created a map to show where we all are.

Happy New Year, MHBers! I am still quite pleased and proud to have started and moderated this little community for so long now, and I couldn’t do it without all the interesting people for whom it is an online home – for a while, for years, for as long as they need.

Fembots Have Feelings, Too

Posted by – December 31, 2010

I mention, every once in a while, that the worst kind of misogyny I experience is in the trans community, and well, here’s a whopper.

It was brought to my attention because the person writing is commenting on my post about the “misogyny-watch” blog I mentioned earlier this month. Jamie, the author of this post, doesn’t seem to understand that I was fully cognizant that the blog’s creator was critical of misogyny, and when someone assumes I’m an idiot, and blasts forth like this without checking in, I can pretty much guarantee they think the words “angry” and “feminist” go together too. Oh but wait! Not just angry, but:

Perhaps, if same sex marriage ever becomes legal, she might someday even find herself as an acceptable alternative as a wife, compared to the angry, selfish, calculating, uncompromising, increasingly unfeminine creatures that more and more men are starting to view women as.

The “she” refers to a “t-girl” which is some communities is parlance for a trans woman, although it tends to be a label assumed by a kind of trans party girl, and which is the label Jamie uses for herself. If you can get past the atrocious grammar, do check out that list: those of us born with vaginas are a fcuked up lot indeed. And yes, that was saracasm, meaning: I do not actually think people born with vaginas are fcuked up, but the fembot who wrote it sure does. Get ready for one surreal, post-modern piece of archaic bullshit:

So she doesn’t mind deferring to a man. In fact, unlike real women, or most transsexuals, it delights her to do so. She’s an old-fashioned kind of girl. She expects her man to take charge, and is completely comfortable adopting a subservient role. She knows how hard it is to be a man, and she knows she doesn’t enjoy it. So instead of trying to be a man that wears heels, which is what so many women these days seem to aspire to, she’s more than happy to be a man’s idealization of what a woman should be: soft, feminine, unchallenging to his masculinity. Someone who uses their femininity to comfort a man, and make his life more bearable, not who uses it to give him another headache that he needs to find a way to escape from.

Someone who understands that cleaning the house, making dinner, and taking care of all those little details in life, and providing a sexual outlet for her man is not a “chore,” but one of the advantages of being a woman. That accepting one’s feminity is realizing that you have not been relegated to second-class citizenship, but instead, you are being protected and shielded from the harsher realities of the life, and your acceptance of a man’s dominant role is a fair exchange for being shielded from those realities.

But, it takes a man, a man who has lived those harsher realities, to realize just how precious and valuable a thing femininity, and the traditional women’s role in our society is, instead of viewing it as a prison as women tend to do these days.

Hooboy: Only a man understands what it takes to be a woman. I think we may have broken the space-time continuum with that one.

For the record: I will not engage this issue any further than this. Having been misinterpreted and slammed on someone else’s blog, I thought it necessary to clarify my original intent and to further define misogynist views. That is all.

Happy New Year to one & all!

Survey: Partners Whose Husband Come Out as TG

Posted by – December 30, 2010

SURVEY: “A Study in the Relationship between Changes in a Wife’s Self-Esteem and the Discovery that Her Husband is Transgender: What is the Perceived Meaning of the Discovery?”

If you think you might be interested in participating in this survey, please read more below the break, and contact the person doing the survey. I am not doing it, do not endorse it, but do not suspect it, either.

More

New Expedia Ad: Genderbent

Posted by – December 29, 2010

The actor who plays the cool goth chick on NCIS is the new spokesperson for Expedia, and in the new commercial she does for them, she is showing various hotel rooms which are empty – or supposed to be empty – until she shows one where a man who has just taken a shower is walking across his room with a towel wrapped around his waist. He realizes in a split second that he can be seen, shrieks, and then — cups his breasts. I can’t describe it any other way because that’s exactly what he does: doesn’t cover his chest, doesn’t cross his arms — he cups his breasts. And shrieks.

There is nothing otherwise interesting about the ad, but that was especially unusual, and I have no idea if the gender variance is what’s being played for laughs or if the idea that she accidentally choosing the wrong room – she says “oops” or something similar – is what’s supposed to be funny.

Two Tune Tuesday: Final 2010 Edition

Posted by – December 28, 2010

I’m loving this list of NPR listener-chosen albums of 2010, and even more the tracks off those albums. And while I can’t help but laugh when I hear Cee Lo Green’s “Fuck You” – ain’t that some shit? – my heart (and feet) go to Janelle Monae who is just fucking fantastic in her black & whites, tuxedos, & pompadour:

“Tightrope” is, hands down, my favorite song to dance around my apt to (not that I ever do that).

AND, because I live in this neck of the woods now, here is a list of the best albums to come out of Milwaukee this year. Kings Go Forth are like Philly soul all over again (though I haven’t seen them live yet), and I suspect Eric & Magill will hit bigger than they have so far. Fans of Rasputina / Dresden Dolls / Squirrel Nut Zippers absolutely need to check out Scarring Party.

Avoiding Computer Hunch

Posted by – December 27, 2010

As many of you know, I have ongoing shoulder/neck/arm problems, and as a result, people send me stuff about how to deal with/defeat it. These videos are via Betty & Lifehacker.

So first, watch the instructions. Then, follow along:

Myths of Male Orgasm

Posted by – December 26, 2010

Why not link to a post about male orgasm for Boxing Day? Too much eggnog & so too drunk to fcuk, as as the Dead Kennedys used to sing… or maybe that itch isn’t getting scratched in the ways it needs to.

I will add one other “myth” about male sexuality that I find most people don’t realize: plenty of heterosexual men want less sex than their female partners. Lots of them need trust, and love, and commitment to get turned on and to get off.

That is, as Sarah Sloane points out, we all tend to think of ourselves as gendered sexually, when mostly we’re just individuals with different hormone levels, libidos, attitudes about sexuality, ways that we use/desire sexuality, intimacy & orgasm (which are, of course, three different things, & do not always exist together). Some attitudes & aptitudes are encourage more in men and women, and vice versa, but all of us should expect not to live up the “superhero” versions of our sexualities as presented by – well, porn, Cosmo, romance novels, etc.

Merry Happy!

Posted by – December 24, 2010

Merry musical Christmas to you all.

How the Other Half Lives

Posted by – December 23, 2010

My friend Lynne alerted me to a post about the uselessness of women. I wish I could say it surprised me, even a little, but essentialism is essentialism is essentialism, whether that’s expressed in “women should rule the world” attitudes or “women are useless” attitudes. To me: same coin, different sides.

What amazed me even more was this post on the same blog about terminology in this “manosphere.” I hate to say it, but the stuff is so pathetic I just feel sorry for them in their hateful little world. Okay, not really, but I can’t even imagine what it’s like to live in that tiny a brain.

Trans Partner Murdered

Posted by – December 22, 2010

A woman drove from North Carolina to Michigan to murder the partner of her trans sibling.
I don’t have the words.

My condolences to the family of the woman who was killed and to all those who will miss her.

Sad About the Repeal?

Posted by – December 22, 2010

For a different perspective on the repeal of DADT, young trans activist Danielle Askini writes that she’s sad about it:

The last bastion that forced SOME poor queer youth to avoid the military has been pealed away; we too can now be exploited and brain washed by the American military machine. The fact that queers have fought so hard to be part of such an evil institution is beyond me. I feel no joy. Only sorrow for the queers who will die needlessly on the American killing fields for Capitalist profits.

…which is an opinion I share, to some degree, even if I’m also pleased to see the repeal happen.

That said, crossdressing & trans identities are still on the list of mental health disorders for the military, so if you want to avoid a draft that might come along, there you go.

There’s also an article from Vanity Fair about how DADT could provide the platform for ENDA.

Updated Travel Info from NCTE

Posted by – December 21, 2010

NCTE has updated its travel advisories and information for trans people based on reports they’ve been getting.

Eclipse Ellipsis

Posted by – December 21, 2010

A very happy Solstice to one & all. Let the light return!

Despite being up at the time of this rare lunar eclipse – as I am most nights, especially when I’m writing – I didn’t get to see it: snow clouds padded the sky. I did, however, have a lovely if cold conversation with my next door neighbor who came out to see if she could see the moon. We talked about the eagle’s return to the small island in the river near our apartment building, and about the raccoons in the garbage, and the different dives of ducks.

Something called “ice pellets” are predicted for tomorrow’s weather.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve moved to a new planet, not a new state.

Two (or Four, or Seventeen) Tune Tuesday

Posted by – December 21, 2010

This is more like a four-tune Tuesday, or a 17+ tune Tuesday, depending, but I found this lovely list of 2010′s best queer indies and thought I should share it, but I also wanted to share some cool stuff I’ve discovered this year as well. So in addition to those, here’s a preview of some tracks by one of my favorite discoveries of the year: British Sea Power. You can hear some of the tracks, but it’s the Zeus EP I’ve been loving – “Kw-h” in particular. If you like The Kills, definitely check them out, too.

Thank you, Ben Harrison, as always, for tuning me in. His band Etc. has a super(hero) track out, too.

Not Everyone Can Hear

Posted by – December 20, 2010

Coach Still Fired

Posted by – December 20, 2010

The NYT did get around to covering the firing of that lesbian/pregnant coach in Nashville I reported last week. Here’s the part that baffles me:

Asked if having openly gay faculty and staff members could create a conflict with the university’s Christian character, Mr. Dickens said, “there could be.”

Here’s the bit I can never work out: what about the other sinners? Homosexuality is not the only sin in Christianity. Are they going to start firing people for greed or gluttony? For not attending church services? The bullshit of targeting homosexuals – and not other “sinners” – seems obvious to me, and I don’t understand why no one seems to understand that singling out one kind of sinner – amongst so many choices! – is where the discrimination becomes apparent.

Trans Vets Applaud DADT Passage

Posted by – December 19, 2010

From TAVA, the Transgender American Veterans’ Association:

We are proud of our democracy that Congress passed this monumental repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Even though transgender people are still going to be separated from military service, Transgender American Veterans Association salutes this passage. We who have served our nation proudly now anticipate our own progress to freedom and equality.

Monica Helms, President of TAVA said, “For 17 years the US has made their gay lesbian and bisexual service members second class citizens and caused them to have to lie about who they are and who they love. No longer will that be the case. We now turn our attention to allowing transgender people to serve openly.”

“It should be recognized that DADT has never included directives concerning Transgender people serving in the military.” Angela Brightfeather, TAVA’s Vice President stated, “Therefore, there was no call from Transgender Americans to equally serve in the military of their country, without persecution and discrimination. However, Transgender people who have and still do serve under the same pre-DADT conditions, still find it necessary to lie and hide who they are, contrary to the best traditions of the military. We now press our GLB brothers and sisters to finish the job and help provide the means for Transgender people to be able to serve their country openly and equally as do all Americans.”

Many of America’s allied nations have long since allowed open transgender service along with the service of those with alternate sexual orientation. The next frontier is for the United States is to progress to full and complete inclusion of the right to serve our nation. It is TAVA’s expectation that now that DADT has been repealed that all those involved in achieving the repeal will now turn their attention to help transgender Americans also be able serve openly.

DADT Repeal

Posted by – December 18, 2010

The Senate has now voted to repeal DADT as well. It’s just Obama’s signature that’s needed now.

Stoning A-Okay

Posted by – December 18, 2010

I seemed to have missed this news, as did my outraged friend who sent me the link (it must have been an otherwise busy news week), but did you know that the UN elected Iran to be on the Commission on Women’s Rights? What the hell?

The letter draws a dark picture of the status of women in Iran: “women lack the ability to choose their husbands, have no independent right to education after marriage, no right to divorce, no right to child custody, have no protection from violent treatment in public spaces, are restricted by quotas for women’s admission at universities, and are arrested, beaten, and imprisoned for peacefully seeking change of such laws.”

The Commission on the Status of Women is supposed to conduct review of nations that violate women’s rights, issue reports detailing their failings, and monitor their success in improving women’s equality.

You can read more about Iran’s stunning record on women’s & human rights abuses – there’s plenty more to read, believe me – but this is horrific.

Today: Dan Savage

Posted by – December 17, 2010

I’m going to be on the Dan Savage LoveCast tomorrow at 2PM PST, talking about crossdressing & crossdressers. (Hint: that’s 4PM Appleton time & 5PM NYC time.)

Update, 2:44 PM PST: I recorded the call with Dan a few minutes ago, & from what I can tell, this podcast will go up this Tuesday, 12/21.

Correction, 3:09 PST: It’ll go up on the Savage Love website on 1/4.