Some of the same people who were in the middle of this have since come on here & started calling me “cis-lady.” Are you really going to tell me that isn’t supposed to be intentionally hurtful? Is “weaponizing” these words really that far away from intentionally using it as a belittlement, an insult?

Cisgender & Cissexual are still really new words. I know I’m not telling anyone I know what they mean, how they should be used, etc. I don’t like them, even, personally, because I think they’re another binary (either you’re cisgender or transgender? really?)

Effectively I think we all need to be a little kinder to each other. It’s one thing for those of us who have met & kinda know each other. But there are a whole ton of people who just sling shit from the safety of their laptops.

You want to correct me on something, fine. I have something to say to Autumn, fine. But let’s at least acknowledge that we have different goals, different audiences, different ways of doing this work. You are a great direct attack type. Autumn does her thing with the gay men & lesbians who read PHB. Julia works with trans feminist groups. But all of us are used to talking to different people, using different language, & backing up – or shutting down particular strands of conversation – when things get out of hand.

Again, I’m not defending Autumn’s choice, per se. What I am saying is that we all fuck up, & it takes a while to get used to how to do so with grace & thick skin. We all have different sensibilities too – & some of us are a little more hard-bitten, some of us a little more tender-hearted.

IMHO, of course, as usual, etc.

I guess I’d ask, too, that people try to pay attention to the ratio of what they do to what they criticize. I’ve noticed that many people online who have the time & energy to work up a head of steam over what some other activist has said or done don’t necessarily spend as much time on positive activism as they do on the fine critiquing of others’ work. I am not saying that critics don’t do anything; I AM saying that anger & criticism sometimes are best-served by doing more instead of talking more. I say that as someone who has put my foot firmly in my mouth instead of doing something positive to fix what I saw as a problem. (As Betty and I like to joke about that one support group member who is constantly yammering on & on & on & repeating the same issues they always bring up, try not to be the person who seems to be saying, “I’d listen but I’m too busy talking.”)

So many things bother me about this post. Number one is that you seem to be implying that Autumn only does good work and those complaining are not doing any positive activism. Kelly Winters does fantastic and ground breaking work for the community, as well as Julie Serano and Lisa Harney.

Secondly, Autumn wasn’t asked to be in the spotlight (as opposed to someone like Susan Stanton, who was forced in the spotlight), she put herself there. She has repeatedly called herself a journalist and a reporter but that only goes for the good things she does. When she fucks up she doesn’t own up to them, she makes excuses. The cis stuff could have been avoided by her just admitting she didn’t know what she was talking about, apologizing, then moving on. But that wasn’t what happened. She shut down a conversation and said that the words were weaponized. She obviously has no clue about the word cisgender, yet she tried to restrict the use of the word.

In all the drama both Pam and Autumn banned Kynn from the site for reasons that make little sense. I’m no fan of Kynn. In fact her ex and I are good friends. But I think it was obvious that both her banning and the cisgender controversy were handled horribly.

Bottom line is that this is the net and anyone that feels like opinions are “eating” their own, is being ridiculous. Opinions are not weapons, they can’t harm you unless you let them. I’ve had many hateful words said about and to me, but they don’t phase me. There will always be those people out there that hate you when you put your ideas out there. If you can’t stand to be in the trans kitchen, you probably shouldn’t be a chef.

How can we agree on doing more when we can’t agree on what we’re talking about? Even philosophers agree on a dictionary when they discuss issues and ideas. We can’t get that far, so why expect peace and harmony?

Just an observation from the fringe who quickly left after being a verbal abused victim.

Live and let live, people! As Helen says – “anger & criticism sometimes are best-served by doing more instead of talking more. “