Not Your Phone

This is the singularly funniest dumb news story I think I’ve ever read.

I’m trying to figure out how significantly distanced from your own body you have to be to not notice a living animal in your bra.

Secondarily, what it would be like to have 34FF boobs.

Her consideration of the sleeping critter was kind of heart-warming, though. Or bra-warming. Whichever.

Helen Boyd

is the author of My Husband Betty and She's Not the Man I Married.


  1. I can certainly understand how the little critter was kept warm tho – 34FF’s? I’m somewhat surprised that the poor little thing didn’t suffocate….

    And she must’ve had more than just 1 or 2 drinks the night before, I suspect. We were just glad to see that the poor little thing was in fact released at the end, and not killed.

    Next week’s story: “I Had A Weasel Up My Butt!”

  2. The mysterious Transylvanian count caught in women’s underwear!

  3. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to comment on this without seeming misogynistic. Or crude.

  4. When this story was mentioned on this past weekend’s “Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me”, Roxanne Roberts said that from now on, when she’s watching reruns of “Batman” and the Caped Crusader says “Quick, Robin — the Batphone!” she’ll start laughing, and no one else will know why.

  5. If it’s true, I wouldn’t be surprised. Bats are smaller and softer than mice, make no human-detectable noise, and and surprisingly tenacious. When I’ve held sleepy bats, I could barely feel them, so soft were they.

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