Goodbye November

I love this shot of the boys, with Aeneas in overexposed close-up and Endymion hidden in the dark background.

Crossdressing Erotica Tonight

Tonight, do come to a crossdressing event at the LGBT Center in NYC. Rachel Kramer Bussel’s Crossdressing: Erotic Stories book is the reason for the gathering. I’ll be reading, as will Miss Vera, amongst others.

Do come! It should be a fun night!

Guess Who’s Reading?

It turns out at least one of my students has now discovered this blog. I don’t know if others have but this one student quoted Barbara about being a CD on Halloween in a recent paper.

As much as I think I’m very used to being a public person, there are still moments – like this – that make me think, “What have I said in public?!”

Oh, just everything. I’ll get over it again, I’m sure.

Smells Like Fish

Is anyone else horrified by Vagisil commercials? The most recent one has a woman in it who is all dressed up but sees her own reflection as looking crummy, in a hoodie. And why does she feel that way? Because she worries that other people will smell her bad smell.

Ugh. I mean, come on already.

Buying a tube of whatever because your vagina is itchy and/or smelly is demented. First off, if things are itchy and/or smelly temporarily, that’s just how it goes – you don’t need Vagisil; you need a bath and maybe to wear cotton panties for a week. On the other hand, if your vagina consistently and chronically itches or smells bad, you need to see a doctor, not buy a tube of Vagisil. Yeast infections can be fatal, and you can give anything else that would cause itching (like crabs) to sex partners, and you know, that’s just not nice.

But the whole “women are icky and smell bad” = specifically because their vaginas smell bad = is misogynist bullshit. Women’s reproductive systems actually work to maintain a PH balance on their own, and while having a lot of unprotected sex with multiple partners throws off that PH balance, that’s not really an advisable thing to do anyway, considering all the possible STDs, including HIV, and of course potential pregnancy.

Read Natalie Angier’s Woman: An Intimate Geography. It’s a great, scientific, readable book about women’s bodies and how they work, a must-read.


Hey, it’s actually cold outside! Finally! Though it is funny, traveling between Andover (which is near the border of New Hampshire) and New York, as it feels like I’m going through the change of seasons twice: leaves were changing up there when they were still green in Brooklyn, then they were falling off up there while changing color down here, and now, I expect, it will be genuinely cold up there while it’s still getting cold down here. I assume I’ll see snow on campus before I see it in Brooklyn, too. Interesting. It’s like traveling back & forth in time, kinda.

& I assume I’ll feel like I’m traveling back (or forward?) to the Ice Age when I move to Wisconsin. I did already buy a pair of waterproof boots, light green Timberlands, off Ebay.

(Someone remind me to post about the lectures I did at Merrimack, and about Betty’s visit to my class, please. I keep forgetting.)

To Sleep, Perchance to Sleep Some More

So this break it’s like I finally stopped doing stuff long enough for my body to let me know I’m exhausted. I came home & slept & slept & slept. I woke up, worked for a client, slept. Did some bookkeeping for another client, & slept. For a while I thought I was depressed, but really I think I was just tired.

& It’s been great. But tomorrow I’m off to Andover again, & then I don’t really get to stop until I’m in Wisconsin (if then).

Cold Case

I was talking to my mother the night before TDOR, about all the stuff trans people often need to do, the legal stuff, the ID changes, sometimes the medical issues, and she mentioned that she was really touched by a recent Cold Case show she’d seen. I haven’t seen it yet, though I’m a fan of the show and watch it pretty often. The story was about an FTM in the 1960s who at the time was assumed to have committed suicide but who, in fact, was dead before he hit the water. Thus, the re-opening of his “cold case.”

My mom didn’t call him an FTM; she doesn’t have that language yet. What she said was, “She was a girl who was really a boy.” And I had a moment where I wasn’t sure if she meant an FTM or MTF, but once again, my mom impressed me; he was an FTM, &, to her mind, “really a boy.”

Which is of course the opposite usage of most people who throw their “reallys” around when talking about trans people, which strikes me as too cool.

But what she wanted to know was whether things were better now, and she was asking me this the night before TDOR. And I told her for some people it is, but the violence against trans people is still too up-close & personal. She thought people should be taught to keep their hands to themselves, at the very least. But I did also tell her about FORGE’s document, about us allies and partners and family being recognized as also often being the victims of violence, and she said, “of course.” She said she’d light her candle on the 20th, too.

Yeah. My mom rocks.

Another Goth Christmas

So it turns out Tim Burton has re-made Sweeney Todd – The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, with Johnny Depp (of course) playing Sweeney Todd… but who knew he could sing? Apparently he didn’t.

& It’s coming out on Christmas Day. Nice to have a little Grand Guignol to offset the holiday cheer.

Let the Boys Show You…

… what we all should be doing the day after Thanksgiving.sleeping cats

Happy Thanksgiving

A very happy Thanksgiving to the Americans out there! Tolerate your family even if you can’t enjoy them! & Don’t eat too much! & Don’t drive drunk, please.

Remember We’re Living 2007

The Transgender Day of Remembrance fills so many of us with fear and sadness, and while I think it’s a vital part of the trans community’s consciousness raising, I also think we need to celebrate who we are, the victories we’ve had, both personally and as a community.

My goal in posting this is to allow people to post whatever it is about their own past year that has increased their pride, happiness, or visibility as a trans person, partner, friend or family member of a trans person, so I’ll start, since mine is easy: it’s been a pleasure and an honor to have published my 2nd book about being married to Betty, to have seen our relationship not just weather the complications of our life but thrive, and to see Betty become even more of the person she needs to be.

This year, in particular, it seems like the perfect precursor for American trans, since it’s the day before Thanksgiving.

So, your turn:

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2007

For this year’s Transgender Day of Remembrance, FORGE, a group out of Wisconsin, has released two new handouts. One is about keeping yourself safe as a trans person – or really as any person. It includes tips like wearing clothes that aren’t restrictive and making sure you carry a cellphone.

But more impressively, at least to me, is a document on the friends, family, & partners of trans people who have been the victims of violence either against trans people or for defending trans people or for being partnered to trans people – and in one case, only for being assumed to be trans or gender variant.

I’m especially pleased to see a group create this printout as I have been, in the past, told that I can’t use the word “we” when talking about TDOR precisely because I’m not trans. But as the FORGE document more than indicates, those of us who are partners or SOFFAs are also at risk when transphobia walks the streets.

Have a safe Day of Remembrance. Honor the lives of those who we have lost, and tomorrow, celebrate all of your own victories and those of other trans people in your life. We have a lot to celebrate as a community as well, despite the violence and hate that is sometimes directed our way. I’ll post tomorrow to allow anyone to add their own personal victories, as well.

Scholarships for T Students

The Point Foundation’s next application season begins January 2nd, 2008, & they are actively seeking trans candidates for scholarships. From The Point Foundation:

“With Point Foundation, the “T” in LGBT is not just an afterthought. They really mean it,” states Point Scholar Ben Singer. Point Foundation (Point) is the nation’s largest LGBT scholarship organization. Point provides financial support, mentorship, and hope to meritorious students who have been marginalized due to sexual orientation, gender expression, or gender identity. Point is currently supporting 84 undergraduate and graduate college students with an average scholarship amount of $13,600 annually. Of its 84 current scholars 10% identify as transgender (7 FtM, 1 MtF). Additionally, Point’s Alumni Association is comprised of 26 alumni, 3 of which are members of the Transgender community (3 FtM). While Point Foundation is pleased to support this many Transgender scholars, it is not enough. “The applicant pool in 2007 consisted of only 4% Transgender identified candidates. We need to get the word out that this support is available,” urges Joanne Herman, member of Point’s National Board of Regents. Please visit our website at for more information and help us spread the word.

Trans Couples: Tink & B.

A Note from the Author:

Just a couple of things I want to say first. As one of the conditions for this is no names, I shall refer to my beloved in boy format as B*. This stands for Beloved. Another major character is X, which refers to the ex-wife. Finally, please excuse any pronoun confusion that may arise. I have tried to use “he” when referring to my dearest in “boy-mode,” and “she” when referring to same in “girlie-mode” (his own terms) but there are still times when I’m not sure which to use when.

Chapter 1: In which Tink sees photos.

I think I first fell in love when I saw her picture. The problem was, he belonged to somebody else- a friend of mine- and so I put it out of my mind.

I had known B* for a couple of years. He was going out with X, who was a friend of mine, and we became good friends ourselves, the kind that sees each in other in the pub, but with occasional deep and meaningful conversations between just the two if us. This was one of those times. Most of our other friends had retired early, and it was just the two of us in one of those dodgy local rock clubs that you seem to find in every city. He was entertaining me with pictures on his mobile phone. They were various models, singers and actresses all looking beautiful. I had the difficult task of putting names to the faces, and my knowledge of popular culture kept letting me down. He selected another image and presented it to me. Again I was clueless. She was slim and beautiful like all the rest, with lovely long, dark hair and dressed in black. I took a wild guess.
“Morticia Addams?” Apparently I was wrong and had to look again. “I have no idea, but whoever she is, she’s very pretty.”
“It’s me.”
“Wow!” I was stunned. I looked again, and I just couldn’t believe it. She was just amazing.
Continue reading “Trans Couples: Tink & B.”

14, Now

Since July of this year, 8 more states have said no to the abstinence-only Federally-funded sex education. The most recent, #14, is Virginia. Go Governor Kaine!

Let’s keep it going! Write to your state legislators & tell them you want your kids to get real sex edcucation, not this absinence bullshit that puts them at greater risk for STDs.

Gagged Twice

The Global Gag Rule, which feminists have been pointing out is bad news especially for the world’s poorest women, isn’t just about abortion. It’s about birth control, and family planning, which the very poorest women often need the most. For those who don’t know, it’s the law that demands that any organization that even mentions abortion lose all its U.S.-backed family planning funding which means they don’t get basic contraception.

Chair Nita Lowey (D-NY) (of the House Appropriations Subcommittee on State and Foreign Operations and Related Programs) added: “In some cases, the largest distribution centers for contraceptives have experienced decreased access for over 50% of the women they serve.”

Besides: it doesn’t make much of a difference in the amount of abortions. What legal abortions provide is women who live another day.

Whether abortion is legal or illegal, rates are about the same. But the “shocking” difference is how dangerous it is to women where it is illegal. At least 67,000 women die each year from unsafe abortions.

I suppose it’s useless to point out that half the countries we’re funding aren’t, um, Christian, and may or may not feel that abortion is immoral.

(source: Feminist Daily News, 11/1)

Mara Keisling on C-SPAN

If you haven’t seen it yet, Mara Keisling’s appearance on C-SPAN’s Washington Journal last week is worth viewing, and apparently isn’t going to be online forever, so do go watch it within the next week or so.

(You want the 11/10/2007 show.)

My favorite bit is when the woman calls to talk about how the founding fathers were Christian, & how Mara shouldn’t be allowed to talk at all, & Mara drinks her coffee stone-faced like Buster Keaton, the smile only showing at the very corners of her mouth, after which she explains, again, that the Bill in fact exempts religious institutions. (It’s at about 1:17 or so.)

& As one caller put it, I agree with him: Mara is a brilliant woman, and I’m happy to see her doing advocacy. That anyone said, “you can’t be a full person if you have to hide all the love in your life,” on Washington Journalis amazing, but I’m pleased as punch it was someone talking about LGBT rights.


Well, we’ve slipped. The U.S. has gone from 25th to 31st in economic gender equality. But yeah, there’s no need for feminism in America. None at all.

TV Boyfriend (No, Not That TV)

My friend Guy always refers to the men he has the hots for on TV (& the more-than-occasional musician) as his “TV boyfriends.” I know there’s a guy from Grey’s Anatomy that made the list lately, but I never watch it so I don’t know which one it is. A while back it was Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day.

So since I kinda miss being with a guy sometimes, I’ve decided to have my own TV boyfriend as a way of indulging the beauty of men without risking actually doing anything with any.

Anyway, since all I ever watch is Animal Planet (& yes, Cesar Milan has his moments of hotness) and Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Vincent D’Onofrio – he’s the guy who plays Robert Goren – is pretty much my ongoing TV boyfriend. Out of curiosity, or some kind of erotic masochism, I found some clips of him on YouTube, but this one is – damn. It’s just about the hottest kiss I’ve ever seen. So now, even though I’ve never seen the movie it’s from, I’m not sure I can.

For those that bat for the other team, here he is in a 1998 film making out with a guy.


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