What is so bizzare is that, when I was a young ‘boi’ I hung out
with 90% girls, whom I seemed to most closely relate to, but
as I got older (teens and 20′s) I started to feel similarly ‘traitorous’
in that, I get guys a heck of a lot better than I get women!

So. To the male onlooker I’m this ‘high femme’ woman, but
to women I tend to get this “Wow! Weirdo!” vibe that, somehow
I’m a bit off. Call it my ‘boi geek’ heritage but mercy!

Also: I wonder if part of what you are describing comes from an
inability to act helpless, stupid, clueless, incapable, and naive.

If we know the same femme (perhaps not, perhaps so) I suspect
that this person is highly capable, very strong, very intelligent,
engaged etc… and both honestly and sadly, those are not qualities
that ‘most women’ (a generalization), tend to codify as ‘uniquely
female’.

I would submit that:
Perhaps you are just a strong ass-kicking, pro-feminist at heart,
uuber capable, totally NOT debilitated by your gender brilliant
person!!!!

I’ve really struggled to figure out what ‘gendered aspects’ I choose
to embody (as my original therapist once said “Not if you are a woman,
but HOW you are a woman is the question.”)… I just attribute some
of my ‘boyish’ or (covers mouth) ‘butch’ qualities to my feminist
core to be a woman who kicks ass and takes names!

I say! Rock the Socks H*!
You ain’t missing much by playing dumb and debilitating yourself
from impacting your life! *ha that sounds SO mean!* But you
get what I mean.

-Your biggest Fan in Seattle
~Danielle

Have you ever seen the 1987 Debra Winger/Theresa Russell movie Black Widow? I think you would appreciate it. When I watched it last summer I said that it

“really about is women’s roles in society. Alex [Debra Winger] is a professional woman in a line of work that’s still clearly a boys club, trying to operate on the same terms as her colleagues and monumentally frustrated by their reluctance to take her seriously. Winger plays Alex as something of a dork, but, crucially, she’s no more of a dork than any of her male coworkers, it’s just that she’s being judged according to different standards. She becomes fascinated and obsessed with “Catharine” [Theresa Russell] because she’s alarmed at the way she’s gotten away with murder largely through the same condescension Alex experiences: no one is willing to believe a woman would be that calculating and methodical. Alex’s feelings towards Catharine, and subsequent relationship with her, are a complicated mixture of outrage, contempt, and envy. On one hand she’s annoyed at the way Catharine uses her sexuality in this (literally) predatory way, but she’s also reluctantly jealous that it works so well, and she wants to understand why Catharine would choose such a strategy. A conversation between them in the latter part of the second act, where Catharine tells her (quite sincerely) that she’s always seen marrying for money as her job, is quite revealing.”

BTW, been reading for long time and never commented before. I always look forward to reading it. Thanks!