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Philly IFGE

When we arrived at IFGE, we were greeted nearly immediately by Veronica Vera & Mariette Pathy Allen, even while we were checking in! Miss Vera would answer the question “Are crossdressers obsolete?” in her opening remarks the next day, & she looked fantastic. (Her answer, in a nutshell, was “no.”)

Crossdressers made a graceful stand for their place in the trans community this year, as in addition to Miss Vera, Miqqi Gilbert received a Trinity Award & delivered an acceptance speech that both (1) asked crossdressers to step up & (2) asked anyone who would disrespect or exclude CDs to step off. I was damned glad to hear it, since there really are some trans women who come off so smug I often feel tempted to mention that being a woman does not prevent one from liking crossdressers.

Donna Rose (author of Wrapped in Blue) & Alyson Meiselman (one of Christie Lee Littleton‘s lawyers) won Trinity Awards as well, which was an interesting juxtaposition, since Donna Rose is on the Board of HRC, which I imagine Meiselman considers something like the Evil Empire, since she delivered an acceptance speech that detailed exactly how much groups like Equality Georgia (& by extension, groups like HRC) sold out the trans community by not excluding “gender identity & expression” in legislation that got them theirs (discrimination protection for gays & lesbians).

Dallas Denny was given the Virginia Prince Award for Lifetime Achievement, and intended to explain that she’d turned down the award in years past because she was the paid editor of Transgender Tapestry at the time, but as she stepped down last year, she felt free to accept it this year, & did so with a concise list of what concerns her about the current state of the trans community (underfunded orgs) & what encourages her (the increases in visibility).

The biggest, nicest surprise for us was having Jamison Green unexpectedly in attendance. He stayed over from having given the keynote at Trans Health the previous week in Philly. His presence always adds some warmth and intelligence.

Our favorite new personality & friend was Ethan St. Pierre of NTAC & TransFM & FUAH. (NTAC, btw, has merged with IFGE, the news of which was announced at this conference.) Betty finally got to meet the irrepressible Monica Helms, of TAVA, who I met last year when I went by myself, & many games of wise-cracking pool were played.

& There ends the bigwig update from IFGE. More on our personal experiences when I get there.

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Back from IFGE

‘Twas a lot of week while we were away: we left for IFGE Wednesday, and the very next day I accepted a job to teach Gender Studies & heard news of Kurt Vonnegut’s death; later I found out my uncle had died, too. On Saturday we got a call from our cat/fish-sitter who had to tell us our Omega – the last of our first generation of fish – had died as well.

Our 9th anniversary of having met was on Saturday, and New York State managed to get us our tax refund on Friday. I sold all the books I brought with me to IFGE – 27 in all – & I decided we should probably invest in a laptop for the rest of this tour.

Much more when I’ve gone through the mail, emails, & the like.

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Anniversary

Betty & I met nine years ago today. Who knew? One silly reading group meeting, me being impressive about Hemingway’s portrayal about women in his stories, and then him, very much him then, leaving coyly just as I was about to ask him out.

Our 1st date was two days later. The 2nd two days after that, and two days’ long. The third two days after that. & So on & so forth, till we got to here. (& What a long, strange trip it’s been. But a beautiful one, too.)

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Not Tonight, Dear

One woman has a low libido, & comes to raging conclusions about how most women do, too. (sigh)

For the record, for most of the couples who have attended my “Uneven Libidos” workshop (which I do exclusively at Dark Odyssey), just the opposite is true: more of the guys complain about having the lower libido. & I just wonder – since the one thing I would say is different about DO than about any other grouping of people talking about sex – if the difference depends very much on exactly how much experimentation the woman has done viz her own sexuality, that is, if she’s gone to any great lengths – & I mean great lengths – to find out what exactly turns her on.

Because I think there are still taboos in place, sometimes not even the ones from outside of us, the culture & our religions & our laws, even, but rather the ones that are inside. From where I’m standing, a lot of those internal taboos are about being correctly gendered in terms of our desires.

But one thing I’m clear about: what the world needs now is not another book about how women’s low libidos are natural, or that they’re low because women are women.

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Luckily Not Unlucky

Happy Friday the 13th, folks. (For most people, this is an “unlucky” day, but for those of us born on the 13th, just the opposite is true.) Here’s a black cat to go with your superstitions.

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Rachel Kramer Bussel’s She’s on Top

shesontop I’ve been reading the stories in Rachel Kramer Bussel‘s She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission, and quite a few times I had moments while reading when I got really excited: I mean, a whole book dedicated to women demanding and getting the orgasms they wanted! If that isn’t exciting, I don’t know what is.

I suppose I don’t have to point out to my readers that the subtitle makes it clear that we’re dealing with binary gender only. This isn’t Fictionmania. It’s not intended for trans readers per se but what erotica is? There is some genderfuck in it, specifically a story called “Why Can’t I Be You?”. The women on top are all dominating men, most of whom seemed to have heartily throbbing parts.

I don’t say that like it’s a bad thing, because I can’t bring myself to disagree with the notion that A Hard Man is Good to Find. Still, I did get a little tired of all the hard cocks and longed for a story about a guy who was turned on but who couldn’t get it up, or a woman who was so demanding her man lost an erection from performance anxiety – something a little more problematic, or romantic, or embarrassingly funny, even, the way good sex so often is.

But of course erotica can still be sexy even when there are only binary genders involved and even when the strap-ons don’t strap-off. (Imagine!) It was just funny to notice that I’ve become used to more queer, more genderfuck’d, and more extreme kinds of hotness these days. Occasionally even Wile E. Coyote looks back at the cliff he’s just run off, no?

Each of these stories is about a different woman and by a different author, and often it was their brevity that was refreshing, because they did what porn should do: painted the scene & planted the suggestion while letting your own dirty little mind fill in the details. But for those of you who like strong women in heels and hose who know how to give orders – and I know you’re out there! – this book is a long-awaited companion, and highly recommended.

There is one story especially some of you might like – dominance in period clothes, you might call it, but the author called it “Victoria’s Hand,” & it’s intense, playful, sexy, and while historically inaccurate in its terminology, it’s close enough to do the trick. It was hard not to think of Betty having played Algernon in Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest while I read it.
Continue reading “Rachel Kramer Bussel’s She’s on Top”

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April 10

30 years ago today, I received my first Holy Communion.

24 years ago today, when I was 14, I saw my first rock concert. (Adam Ant with INXS opening, at St. John’s University, thanks to my brother Joe.)

I remember the one because I remember the other: I was given a charm (for a charm bracelet) commemorating the first event, & happened to still have it when the 2nd happened. For whatever reason, the date just sticks in my head, even now.

I don’t know what happened on any of the other April 10ths that I’ve lived through, though.