Her Best Man

Yesterday we went to a party, thrown by a friend who is TG for his wife’s birthday, and at some point people started telling stories about how a groom or bride went missing at a wedding – in this case, it was because the bride was fixing the headpiece for the cake. At our wedding, Betty went missing to go “hang out with” her best man for a while, and I sat there for a bit, trying to figure out in my head how I could say that, & then realized this group knew Betty was trans anyway, so I just told the story with the “best man” bit in.

But I had a moment where I thought: what do you do with stories like that? Just resist telling them? Re-gender them (so that “she was hanging out with her maid of honor”?) The whole event made me kind of sad, because after we brought it up we ended up doing Trans 101, which is not the worst thing in the world, but we really didn’t feel like it (because sometimes even we want to just be normal folks who go to parties to eat & drink & talk & tell stories).

& I woke up this morning thinking: this is what I hate about transness.

3 Replies to “Her Best Man”

  1. makes sense to me. the onus is on you in those situations to either share and have to make folks “aware,” or to censor yourself. those are two pretty shitty options when one doesn’t feel like being a trans organizer that day. sometimes you just want to hang out and have a beer.

  2. It’s one of the things I hate about being out and trans — being me means always becoming someone else’s learning exercise. “Stealth” makes so much more sense now, as being stealth would mean being less an constant object of curiousity.

  3. On Friday night I am going to a party with friends I have known since elementally school as Don. I will just sit there and when someone asks me what’s new, I will just say “Nothing.” Because they just wouldn’t understand if I said I went to a Stonewall Rally or a Town Hall meeting given by the NGLTF or……… any of the other things that I have been doing.
    Society likes things in a nice neat little box and I don’t fix in that box anymore.

    And to Thoughtless1 I say, Amen to that. Life is one long series of Trans 101

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