A Day in the Life of HB: Part One

Posted by – August 25, 2005

I thought this might amuse some of you, for whatever reason it would.

Wake up, slightly bemused at having dreamt I grew up with Sting living two houses away from me.

Put on tea water, weigh self (don’t ask!), turn on computer, light cigarette, say hello to Aeneas (who always greets me when I wake up), apologize to Endymion (who continues to sleep at my feet no matter how many times I kick him when I’m sleeping).

Go online, curse dial-up, delete pounds of spam. Do I really need to see ads for “young girls jerking you off” when I first wake up? No, I don’t. Do I even have a penis for these young sluts TO jerk off? No, I don’t.

Open the Animal Rescue site, tab to MHB, check stats, amazon sales rank, message boards. Tell someone to get bent and someone else to quit picking the same fights, already. Split threads, move threads, delete bitchy posts. Proceed to the Breast Cancer site, the Child Health site, the Hunger site, the Literacy site, the Rainforest site, which I let load in a background tab while I check out the boards.

IM Betty, who tells me about my email before most of it downloads. (We get cc:’d a lot of the same info.)

When the tea water whistles, if I hear it, pour tea; while tea is steeping, prepare a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Yes, I’m addicted. In a still-sleepy daze, wonder if I should let the Cheerios go soggy while I finish smoking the cigarette I lit, or put out the cigarette to eat the Cheerios. (It’s about 50/50, as far as I can tell.)

Bug Betty via IM about the eight things we’re supposed be doing, who she’s supposed to be calling, what events we’ve been invited to that she hasn’t gotten back to me about, which reminds me to open my calendar, and see that I’m supposed to work, so I speed up my tea drinking and emailing.

Answer ten emails in succession: one to a friend from my pre-tranny life, five to trannies currently emailing me regularly, two queries from people about info/resources, and one to someone I promised some bit of writing to. The tenth I forward to Betty about tech stuff on the site/boards.

Ignore the phone until I stop saying fuck under my breath when it rings.

Stop doing everything to give Aeneas his morning love-down.

Wonder if I have time to work out before I dress and bathe.

Answer five more emails: two responses that have already come back from the previous set, a third from a partner who’s freaking out, forward two other invites to Betty so she can not get back to me about whether or not she wants to go.

Read the new posts on the boards again, making sure whatever fights started have been dropped, then pick one myself about something feminist.

Remember to take my Zyrtec when I realize I’m itchy all over from the Aeneas love-down.

IM Betty about how she slept, say hello, only to notice a “brb” about five lines up.

Wait for Betty to get back so I don’t forget whatever it is. Drink tea, play with Endymion. Take out yoga mat. Check answering machine for previous night’s messages because I didn’t want to answer the phone. Get back to find 10 lines of IM from Betty that end with another ‘brb.’ Completely forget what I was supposed to IM Betty about.

Check my to-do list, cross one thing off and add another.

Make a few phonecalls.

Finally, Betty gets back from lunch and tells me she has no idea if she wants to go to anything I’ve mentioned to her. I resolve just to tell her what we’re going to and quit asking her, then forward her a few more emails about events in the next half-hour after I’ve made the resolution.

IM Betty to tell her I’m working out. Work out. (Okay, so this doesn’t happen everyday.)

Take a quick bath, dress, check the boards one last time, IM Betty that I’m going to work. Smoke another cigarette. Wonder how long it will take someone to write their own version of this blog post on the boards.

1 Comment on A Day in the Life of HB: Part One

  1. ronnierho says:

    Sting? You lucky devil. I dreamt I was on the run from police with Arnold Schwartzenegger….

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